Bye Bye Tanzania

For the past some years life has been taking on so many twists and turns that can’t fathom myself where I am headed to or rather where I will be living soon. Couple of years back when I left Middle East I thought I will be returning to India for good and settling down in happy family life, India did happen but to my utter dismay I discovered that life in motherland had its own share of stress along with professional challenges that forced me to look at overseas options. Now that I am abroad and that too in exotic Africa, I am again returning to India next week only to embark to a new country soon

My stint in Tanzania has been too short however every place we get to live in has its own share of memories and every time we recall that place it’s the smell, look, weather, people etc which come racing to mind. True the look and feel of many cities changes faster than the blink of an eye, especially in the fast paced urban jungles springing up across the globe. However many of these so called hot spots are also deteriorating very fast, but the soul of human settlements never fade; and it is these souls which get ingrained in the personality of the inhabitant so deeply that soon the person starts reflecting his city. However frequent flyers like me who keep changing abode soon, hardly have any city to influence them but at the same time get richer by the multiple hues experienced across multiple locations

Being a South Indian who lived most of life in Kashmir and Delhi, I have already experienced the lifestyle and tastes of far end of India and my stints abroad have given me a fair idea of how life shapes up when living as an Indian expat. However it seems my experiences have not stopped and will only increase in the coming days if my plans to move to a new continent bear fruit

As I leave Tanzania many thoughts keep rushing in, as it seems only yesterday that I landed up in Dar es Salaam and was driven from Airport to the town. My first memories of the place were of the green trees lining up the roads and the clear sky. As the days went by I realized that this city is indeed one of the better places for Indians what with many of them residing here for generations together. Add to this the scenic beauty around and the many tourist and wildlife attractions which makes this as a better option in entire Middle East and Africa

Very soon I will be boarding a flight back to Delhi and then after a series of travels back home I again plan to fly out; not sure how long I will survive at new destination but whose complaining. After all life is about enjoying the journey rather than reaching the destination

Zabardast Zanzibar

When I was living in Oman there was a tribe of locals there who were addressed as Zanzibaris; that time I knew Zanzibar was in Africa but had wrongly presumed it to be some forlorn deserted island, but It was only after coming to Tanzania that I became aware of the place and its strategic importance (I will not bore any hapless soul reading this by elaborating history, all information is available by just few clicks on Google). So when last week I had made up my mind that come what may I will visit Zanzibar for the weekend, immediately after lunch on Saturday I left office and went straight to port to catch the afternoon ferry

For first timers, my advice would be to book ferry tickets in advance to get a better deal and also to avoid the touts who abound around the ticket booth. I was not so lucky as I reached the port just sometime before departure and was immediately accosted by the local touts. Since tickets had almost sold out so I ended up paying lot more than I had planned or anticipated and ended up worrying on the ferry if the remaining funds I had would suffice for my stay; thankfully, inspite of my mind being occupied with the number of notes remaining in my wallet, I did not miss out on the beautiful sights or the splendid lush sea, thanks to my open seat on the top deck

Upon arrival in Zanzibar the first thing to hit is the old world charm of the place. Visiting this island is like visiting grandparents in some old town of India, with the same narrow dingy lanes, old wooden houses, tall walls and inhabitants enjoying their cramped existence with gaiety unknown to big city dwellers. Thankfully some good soul from my workplace who was currently posted there had offered me his place for the night so I was saved from hotel cost and also had good company for the evening

One of the most amazing things about Zanzibar, apart from the pristine beaches, is the amazing seafood as I discovered on the night of my arrival. For anyone visiting the place, missing out on seafood is a crime and almost every night there is an open street food market by the sea with almost all varieties of seafood available. And when it comes to street food, I have to admit Zanzibar Mix is the most awesome street food I have tasted. Period. When it was recommended to me the first time I thought it to be some down market variety served in plastic bowls with eggs and pakoras floating in browny liquid but it took only few bites for me to start gorging on it. The lobster sticks I ate later easily paled in comparison

The same night I also took a walk around town and must say for an island in Africa, Zanzibar is reasonably safe. Being a tourist spot there are enclaves where tourists can roam around freely and with a fresh sea breeze blowing almost all the time, a late night walk is not a bad idea at all
The next morning I was up early and after devouring maggi for breakfast, I left to see the sights of this amazing place. Since I was alone for the day, I decided to take the help of a scout who gleefully took me around town explaining the history around the crowded streets. The spice market, Indian temples, slave market, old palace did make for some splendid sightseeing after which with time available I decided upon another famous attraction, the prison island. The island is some distance away and getting a good bargain on the boat cost can be tricky but upon reaching there, the sparkling blue water by the beach instantly took my breath away. The island has some old turtles and some of them are indeed gigantic, at first I thought them to be stone replicas till I noticed some movement. The best sight I witnessed that day was turtles having sex, which made up my Valentines Day!

Few things about Zanzibar stand out remarkably. First is the gora crowd seen almost everywhere; this place seems to be a cleaner version of Goa. Second is the variety of restaurants around town, however eating out can be very expensive, so better stick to street food only. And lastly to move around, walking is not a bad option, as I found out. If time and dough are scarce, the two feet given by Almighty can work wonders although the temptation of visiting the alluring beaches located far away by taxi can be hard to resist

For me this was indeed a welcome break, as my time in this country is limited and there is so much to explore around. On the ferry back to Dar es Salaam, before dozing off, I could happily imagine ticking off a major item from my to do list

Big salaam to Dar es Salaam

When I had mentioned to people around in Delhi that I was leaving for Dar es Salam, to my little surprise not many knew about the place and some did not even know where Tanzania was. For those who knew or had someone who had lived here, the only description I got was of a quaint little place which would be more or less good to live. Located on coast of East Africa Dar es Salaam can be mistaken for a crime ridden African city but after living here for three months, I can say this city is indeed exciting, exotic and enchanting

There are many facets of this remarkable place which make it stand out and the most noteworthy of this would be the colorful streets and markets. One can easily go around the town area and City Center and spot vendors of all hues selling their stuff on the road, let it be the open stalls with all vegetables on display, or locals selling coconut water, or vendors carrying exotic fruits in a tub on their head. And not to forget if you are in the bustling market place, vendors will themselves come up to you and offer their wares right from belts to cigarettes to pirates DVDs, all at a discounted price. Another unique aspect of Dar is the delicious chicken street food on offer with tandoori bar-be-cues spread all over town; I have to admit the most delicious chicken I have tasted would be bang on the streets of Dar

If Dar has an interesting market scene, the areas outside market and the city is even more enchanting if one goes to the extremely scenic coastline. This city has the most breathtaking sea view and beaches that one can hope to see and some of the sea side bars are simply amazing. It is not hard to figure what to do on a Sunday evening if one has a car and a group of pals to go along; to say the sea side bars and cafes are simply superb would be an understatement

Talking of bars, one can’t miss the variety of local beer available here. Although all international brands are available in abundance, it is the local variety which makes it all the more interesting. Tanzania has many local beer brands all named after one of the country’s attractions with names ranging from Kilimanjaro to Serengeti to Tusker, all having a different tinge in taste. And yes there are plenty of places to drink around town here, not surprisingly this city has a buzzing nightlife. Even in Dubai I had never seen the kind of open air discos that one gets to see and visit here, all having females ready to be picked-up for the night at half the cost they come for in Dubai

However the most unique aspect of this country for me are the Local Indians that one gets to see around here. There are countless Indian origin Tanzanian citizens who have been here for generations and have embraced the local culture in total. In fact for a newcomer to this part of the world, initial few days are very surprising as it is hard to figure if the Indian appearing person you are talking to in fluent Hindi is actually an Indian or Tanzanian; only when he starts talking to the locals around in Swahili that realization dawns of the person being a Tanzanian passport holder

And if one is talking of Dar, it would be criminal to miss out on the weather. This city has the cleanest sea breeze that one can experience, which is indeed a welcome relief from the terrible pollution from Delhi. The climate remains more or less the same all through the year; it is perhaps the first and only time in my life that I am seeing 35 degree temperature even in January! However one flip side of this weather is that its always humid and for someone who sweats buckets like me, even a short stint in sun is enough for me to start melting. Thankfully my electricity charges are included in rent for I can keep the AC on all night

Reading all this may sound that I am living in wonderland, however am not too sure how long I will last here; working in a lala company has its own pitfalls which I am now discovering, for the plug may be pulled any time. However the only mantra life has taught me in past stormy years is to enjoy it as long as it lasts

Back for now

When I wrote my last post two years back I was not aware I would be away for so long and had infact given up on this space altogether for good. But then we never know the twists and turns of this odyssey called life and where it will land us up one day, the changes in my life have been so swift and rapid that I am now left wondering where my next chapter will unfold and what it will have in store for me

If I have to chronicle what happened in past couple of years since my last outpour here, the story goes like this. Yes I returned to India after losing my job in Muscat; waited for a long time to get a job in India though I had couple of very good international options (in hindsight a mistake to let go); got frustrated beyond limits and didn’t know where I was heading; when I had almost lost hope I found a job only to get in troubled waters soon; just when I was about to be fired, in nick of time got a lucrative international option; and here I am in Tanzania though not sure how long will continue here! And yes I got married in between though we are now based in different countries (subject of another post)

There also have been other changes within me which I have myself started to notice. I am emotionally better off and more stable now, gone are the days of binge drinking and visiting raunchy dance bars at late night, it is the call home which keeps me engaged most of the times. With carefree days of bachelor hood over, my face and body itself seem a lot different now. Few days back I had pasted a photo on Visa form which was clicked about four years back, to my astonishment no one in the office seemed to recognize my face and I was accused of pasting a photo from my college days!

In middle of all this the biggest setback for me has been professionally; it seems I am going down with each passing year and my career for now seems to be as good as over. Maybe it is because I am in the wrong profession and not cut-out for the shrewdness and assertiveness that this line of work demands. Also job avenues are so limited, let it be India or abroad, that I am now seriously contemplating doing something else altogether in life. As of now I do not have any ideas apart from few fantasies to think about and I am not even sure which country I will be living in in the coming few years

However one thing I have learnt is that no matter what comes up in life its always good to make friends with Optimism and Hope. Many times in the past couple of years, I have stared down the barrel with no light in sight however both the O & H kept me alive and kicking. And even now it is the same H which keeps my fire lit, present day insurmountable problems notwithstanding

As another challenging year draws to a close, I am aware that coming days will not be rosy for me which only implies that I have to steel up further. I also hope that I can give sometime to this space as I have now discovered that blogging actually keeps me going and there is no better place to vent out. If I have to look back and make a count of my good and not so good times, the time I was gung-ho on this blog would be undoubtedly the better time of my life when I had loads of O&H, and as I left this space or decreased my outpours here, turbulence also started manifesting in my life

I look forward to 2016 with a mix of caution and restraint; I only hope as the year goes by atleast someone recognizes that the photo on Visa form was from my recent joyful past and not that of any unrecognizable boy from his college days!!

2013 – year which left me battered and bruised

There are years and times in one’s life when all that one has stood for, all that one has believed in and all that one always wanted to do come to a naught and stand reversed; there are times when the entire belief of one’s life stand shaken; when all that has been accomplished over years starts going away slowly; when all that one believed is firm starts shaking first mildly and then wildly. There are years which shake you to the core which at times force you to take some unwanted decisions; for me 2013 has been such a year.

If you have been reading me for sometime (or even if you browse through posts of 2009) you will understand how dearly I wanted an international assignment and how glad I was to have finally got one in 2010; my elation continued in 2011 with a good time at workplace but then when things started going wrong in 2012 I as a fool did not understand that it was best to head home; but never in my wildest dreams did I ever imagine I will lose my job that too with such humiliation and disgrace. My tumultuous relationship with my boss and his unprovoked verbal assaults in office wounded me no end and with me being located abroad avenues of escape or job change got severely limited. I never wanted to return to India which I am now being forced to, thanks to all the tribulations at office and my unfruitful and desperate job hunt in this country. What this entire ordeal has also taught me is that my profession has limited job openings and the vast corporate expanse of India provides larger scope for employment and job changes, moreso with increasing years of experience which also implies lesser matching jobs. Infact with all that I have gone through this year I doubt if I will ever work abroad again

Apart from all the acrimony at workplace there was nothing much else to write home about in 2013. Sadly I seem to have lost out on life a bit in last couple of years; pursuits like Toastmasters and Art of Living which I so actively pursued in India have come to a halt here, I hardly have anyone left in this city whom I can call a friend, my drinking has become much frequent and has become more of a habit now which has resulted in a bloated belly which shows no sign of reducing and life has become so listless that almost on all weekends I find myself confined to my bed with a book and drink for company. 2013 has also been a year where I almost abandoned this space with less than half dozen posts to show for the full year. If all this shittiness in life was not enough, for much of the year I was paranoid of having contracted some virus after I took the Russian blonde to my hotel room in Dubai earlier in the year

Perhaps the only thing positive about the year was my growing bonds with my family; first it was my mother then my brother and lastly it has been someone with whom I plan to start a family! Yes there has been a bright prospect in the offing for long and if things turn out well, which actually means that I find another suitable job soon, then may go ahead here. (For the time being let this be subject of another post and not this piece, sorry to keep you curious for now)

As every year draws to a close, it gives an opportunity to look back upon the 12 months that have gone by and the sweet and sour memories they have left behind; and when I look back at 2013 I can only say that I am glad its over. I dearly hope 2014, with all the trials and tribulations of life in India notwithstanding, turns out to be a better year for me; with all that I have gone through in 2013 I am surely due for some relief. I sincerely hope the New Year brings a new dawn which will help do away with the gloom and helplessness of 2013

As a number 13 has always been unlucky for me and in my heart of hearts I was dreading that atleast this time number 13 will not be as harmful for me but guess that’s not how it turned out. If life ever gave me a rewind option; I would never like to go through 2013 again

Life hits a trough

I have been away for such a long time that it may seem that I have abandoned this space all together. In a way yes I have almost given up not only on this space but I guess on this upstart life itself for 2013 has been a major trough in my life marked by endless despair and frustration. Before you hazard any guesses let me first assure that I am safe and have not suffered any personal loss; its my workplace and more specifically my boss who has bestowed upon all possible agony on me that I have now lost my job here in Muscat and am forced to return back to India

Trouble had been brewing for sometime with signs of turbulence evident in 2012 itself which I as a fool missed to read; my failure to comprehend the office politics and dynamics hit me in the face earlier this year with one of the worst appraisals accompanied by termination recommendation to head office. Since March I have been engaged in a constant battle with my boss which resulted in me being subjected to endless bullying, torture and harassment; the reckless shouting and intimidating behavior ultimately had an impact on my health too resulting in chest pain and throbbing body ache. I am yet to undergo any major check-up but all through the ordeal I was paranoid that I have surely contracted some major illness

My fortunes at workplace have swung so drastically that I am myself stunned and amazed how swiftly the world can change. When I first arrived in this country in 2010 I was looking forward to life with optimism and hope; it had been a long wait before I landed up an international assignment and I was determined to make the most of it. I did try to give my best at what I thought was my dream job but slowly the dream started turning sour; in hindsight I should have looked at jobs in India when it was evident that I will not be moved to head office in Dubai. However I now realize that a major drawback of any international assignment is that is very hard to switch jobs; not only are the openings very less but then other factors like Visa, nationality etc make it all the more harder. Since March I have been applying all around but have got only a couple of calls; it was only when end was imminent that I looked upon the Indian market in July which I now realize was a major folly

During this trouble some period one constant support has been my family in India; first it was my mother who consoled me during her visit here earlier this year and then my brother acted as a support helping me with all his corporate contacts in India. If anything I have come to realize during this hard phase it’s the relevance of family and relationships; no one else, and I really mean here no one else, will stand by and support during lean times as much as own family. For someone coming off an uneasy past this realization has hit the hard way but thankfully not too late

As I wind up my stuff many thoughts come rushing to mind, returning back to India now was surely not desired but then perhaps may not be too bad for me also, my plans of settling down in life hit a block for now (though there is a bright prospect in sight, more on that later), how will life in India be now after having pledged never to return in 2010 and lastly my boss, he will surely pay for what he has done to me, mails to chairman and directors have already been drafted (any more thoughts guys, I am open for all false accusations )

In another fortnight I will be back in India for good , hunting for a new job which will be another challenge in this economy. I am not sure if my troubles have just started or is this another phase which will be over soon, what I know for sure now is that life has nothing constant, the only constant is change and to lead better lives its better we be always prepared for this change

Life comes full circle

It is often said that life throws lemons at you and that too when you least expect it; it is also said that life takes unforeseen turns when least anticipated. With unexpected changes taking place on both professional and personal fronts, my life seems to have taken some unexpected twists what with me now yearning to return to where I was previously glad to leave and also now wanting to run away from where I currently am

My last post was about how my previously tormented relationships seem to be on mend and thankfully in the past month relationship has not only got better but also strengthened. Three years back when I first came to this city and country, I was sure that I have got away for good and this is where I will build my Eden but life here has taught me few valuable lessons which will hold good for coming time too. Relationships are to be valued not only in Karan Johar movies but in real life too and even if things go wrong at times, as they sure will, to forgive and forget is for own good as I have now come to realise. Gone are the days where I used to recall my caged days of past with anger and disgust pledging never to return to the shores I left behind; my present is all about valuing what I have.

A major factor in my change of thought has been the change of fortune at my workplace; things seem to be going from bad to worse and it is now clear that I have to hunt for another job on war footing. I was in Dubai last week and my interaction with HR bosses had more negative strings attached than I had anticipated; with appraisals due next week my fatwa will be out anytime now and the sooner I get out of this place the better it will be for my own mental peace and stability. I have come to such a sorry state that I don’t want to wake up from my sleep in morning and every day I kind of despise coming to office. However what is real frightening is the lack of opportunities in this city; I have not got a single interview call the last three years I have been here which makes it amply clear that I need to run away at the first opportunity. Even earlier many well wishers had advised that India will be having more opportunities which made it better suited to build a future at my stage of life but I did not foresee that reality will hit me the hard way. All the work chaos has resulted in such mental disorder that it makes me take decisions which I am sure to regret; the Russian in my hotel room in Dubai last week was only one such instance

With work and office going downhill and the previous tormented relationships getting better and better; life seems to have come a full circle. My present mental disequilibrium badly needs a shoulder to cry upon and rest, which I am happily discovering these days at home after many many years; the city I was glad to live in few summers back now makes me wonder when I will get to run away from here. Life does have its own store of unexpected twists and turns, own cycles of ups and downs; in my life I seem to have lived my circle, atleast for now

Closure

Some years back when I had watched the forgettable flick Bachna Ae Haseeno my only interest was in watching sizzling Bipasha with not much interest in the dreary storyline. For the uninitiated this film is about a casanova who plays around with females ditching them at last slip till he finds true love, he then realises his folly and goes back to find his old flames to seek their apology; the film dwells upon closure and talks about cleaning the pains of past before charting a new ground. Watching the film at a time when I was grousing about my present and yearning about a better future I could not relate much to what was depicted but now having realized some of my cravings and seeking to open a new chapter of my listless life I have come to realize that its first important to close pains of past and only then can anything new be charted

A couple of weeks back while talking to my folks back home I decided to call my Mom here; it was a decision taken at spur of the moment though certainly not an emotional one. Old readers of my blog are aware of my past tribulations in India before I took the flight here and even after landing here the scars of past did not vanish overnight; I was deeply tormented from within trying to forget my caged past and was seeking to chart a new uninhibited course of my life however three summers later much has changed both within me and also amongst those who matter

First I have to admit my life in Muscat has gone into a rut both personally and professionally. This city is more of a retirement paradise more suited for a staid family life than for a bachelor from a colorful metro and after three years I have got reasonably bored of the mundane and monotonous life this place offers though I am still glad to be away from where I was before coming here. I will be blatantly lying here if I say life here has been colorful and exciting, no point denying the obvious. Also challenges at my workplace seem to be increasing by the day and the past year has been fairly tumultuous to say the least without any signs of abatement in near future. And to add to this my search for a life partner seems to have hit a dead end with no suitable prospect in the offing; all adding up to my present despair

Meanwhile things have changed at the place I gladly left some years back, I now realize time does have healing powers and can fix tormented relationships too. Past few days after returning from office I am glad to see my bachelor pad all spruced and cleaned up looking more like a home and it feels good to know someone is eagerly waiting back home. In the evening of her life and amidst failing health Mom does look content having lived an eventful and largely good life, gone are the domineering days from menopause which left me crushed and abused. I guess in everyone’s life there comes a stage when there is no way left except compromise and the wise ones do realize this soon

In Bachna Ae.. when Ranbir seeks last apology from Bipasha at Airport before leaving she cries silently for sometime cursing him for his deeds but when she puts on her shades and resumes her life, Ranbir knows a painful chapter has been closed after which he flies off to open a new story now fully aware that his past has been cleaned up. I guess its high time I too clear the pain from my past , only then will I find my Deepika

Weekend dash to Dubai

This weekend I made a short trip to Dubai; with an extended weekend announced and nothing much to do in this city I decided to hop across the border, of course the pleasant weather and free accommodation at my friend’s stylish flat were added incentives which helped in my decision

However the trip had more in store than I had anticipated. First to start with the bus got delayed or should I say delay is too mild a word to describe the ordeal I went through. A journey that should not have taken more than 5-6 hours took 11 hours and I was completely pooped out by the time I reached Dubai. Visa stamping at both borders took ages and with little food and water I was totally miserable and famished. Thank heavens I had another friend for company who did help me with sorting out the long queues but this long ordeal at border crossing was something I was totally unprepared for. Even after alighting at Dubai my misery did not end for I had to locate my friend’s house in posh upmarket business area. Eventually after I did find my way to his place I learnt from the building guard that he was away and had kept the house keys with my details to be handed to me on arrival; I was totally lifeless after the long day so I took the keys and was delighted to finally see an inviting bed all for me upon entering his room. Just as I was about to push down my jeans after unbuckling the belt, the door opened and in walked an unknown young female.

“Hey are you R’s friend?” she asked
“Yes that’s me” I mumbled
“That’s cool, he has been waiting for you all day. He just left to help me shift my place and so I am staying here for this weekend”

I was a bit confused as to where she will be staying with two boys in a single room but I did not raise any query. After some time R came and we chatted for a good time before ordering dinner ; we finished early and decided to retire to bed. Since there was only a smallish double bed I didn’t know where the girl will sleep so I folded myself at one corner; I was surprised (not sure if this was pleasant) when the girl also came and slept next to me! Her body was very close to mine but I was so tired that I dozed off soon. The next night again the girl slept with me in my bed, must say this is one of the few times I have slept with a female with a straight intention!

Next morning I accompanied R for Dubai marathon near Burj Khalifa; Dubai was abuzz with all youngsters dressed in athletic wear swarming the glamorous stretch of this hip city and the entire set-up resembled a big mela with all nationalities and skin colors present. When R left for his run I took a walk around Burj and was totally taken in with the resplendent and stylish display across malls and eateries. After Marathon got over we came back for a shower and left for lunch at Dubai Marina which too was dazzling and stunning. Dubai is indeed an international city and after having visited some places in East and West, must say Dubai compares with the best in terms of style, entertainment and gentry.

In the evening R had his friends over including the sleep-next-to-me girl when we drank for a good time before leaving late night for a raunchy Russian dance bar. Russians in Dubai are like the cream decorations on top of a cake; they not only add beauty but are also good to taste; inside the bar negotiation were in full flow between the fair skinned sex bombs and desi chhoras eager to taste nature’s nectar. R and myself relaxed at a corner and later played some pool before calling it a day; upon return to apartment the earlier sleep-next-to-me girl was all drunk and asleep, however when I jumped into bed she eagerly slipped next to me (I was too engrossed with Russian dreams to ponder over the obvious local invitation)

Next morning was a bit dull with all of us having hangovers of previous night; the girl next to me awoke first and left soon for her place. R and me took our time and lazily dressed up before leaving for a sumptuous lunch of grilled Turkish food. The return journey was even less exciting; only exception being that the 6 hour journey back to Muscat took 10 hours instead of 11!

Tidbits from my India trip

I returned from a whirlwind trip of India last evening and am still getting accustomed to my routine life but I must admit this trip of India was indeed refreshing; initially I was circumspect as this was my longest vacation till date but now I feel the time was indeed well spent

•Travel, travel and travel – I travelled so much in this trip that I can easily recount five overnight journeys, two day trips and many more short trips using all available modes including bus, rail and air. Phew! That was some travel

•South India is so distinct from North and in many ways better – I spent most of my vacation down South and found it to be much pleasant than the rowdy North. Bangalore, although crowded, is not a bad choice to relocate back and surely scores over Delhi’s brashness and crime

•Home atmosphere gets better – for the first time in ages my home looked like abode of a family rather than separate warring individuals occupying own space. It may be the twin kids or new found reconciliation amongst all or maybe my absence but this time I could actually feel some warmth and care, which was so different from the battlefield of earlier years

•Many short trips – if this trip involved long distance travelling it also involved many short trips. I visited my father’s grave after long and also visited Vaishno Devi this Friday in bitter cold weather ; believe me it was no fun climbing in middle of a severe blizzard

•Met old flame from college – we met over coffee and recounted old days. She is still the same person and has kept her in shape even after delivering two boys; also she retains the same fondness for me even after so many years (why am I blushing?)

•Not a drop of alcohol – all three weeks I did not have a drop to drink which made me cringe at times. I should now control myself as this fondness for booze is not going to take me far

•Guilty pleasure – I again picked up more than necessary quota of books, so Shobhaa De, Kuldip Nayyar, Abdul Kalam and host of others took most of my luggage space

•Sad to return - For first time felt sad to return which was so much different from my first trip 2 years back;I recall my trip at this time of the year in 2010, at that time I was relieved to board the flight back but this time I was myself surprised by the warmth on offer replacing the animosity of old. Time does heal many things and tormented relations can surely count as one

•Failed to reach a decision - I again failed to reach a decision; for all the long time blog pals who must be waiting to hear on this, I failed to decide this time too, although I met many females and even shortlisted couple of them but could not decide. Why? I am still asking myself this question again and again and still don’t know why I could not take a call. I was very sure I will decide between the two shortlists but still don’t know what went wrong in both second meetings. Maybe fault lies within me as I tend to expect too much, a sure shot recipe for disaster in any marriage; every human being has his/her own flaws and maybe no one is complete without shortcomings, its accepting those shortcomings with open heart is what makes any relationship tick

Ponderings on love and happiness

Last evening I was out watching Jab Tak Hain Jaan at the local cinema (no I am not going to review the film here, good or bad judge yourself) when the only dialogue that stuck me in the long movie was by Neetu Singh in her solo scene “jab hum khud khush nahi hain, to hum doosro ko kya khushi denge” In the movie Neetu Singh chose the unconventional by following her heart and eloping with her lover thereby abandoning her husband and teenage daughter. Years later when she confronts her daughter Katrina and begs forgiveness, Kat replies that having grown up, she now understands her actions and in a way applauds her estranged mother for following her heart and desire, even though she had been cursing her since the time she left

Long after the movie this dialogue still resonates and actually set me thinking, its important to be happy oneself first and only then can we share some of our own happiness. Love and happiness are bedrocks of any relationship and as is well known, relationships grow only by sharing and caring; but before that its critical that we be content and happy with our choices, only then can anything be shared

I feel love is a lot like sex. First time we have had sex need not be the best sex of our life; only later with practice and effort we learn more about it and then somewhere the intensity and excitement increases. Also during sex we first satisfy our own desires first and then look at increasing the intensity and pleasure for the other partner; I doubt if sex can be any good if its only about keeping the other partner happy and ignoring or compromising on your own needs. Also let it be love or sex, giving is very important; chances are that if you give more you will get double of what you expected in return

However love is also not as simple, it’s actually very wicked for to sustain long it has to increase else it starts decreasing. Unlike sex same tricks and acts may not work again , its important to reinvent lest boredom may creep in; also like and maybe unlike sex love is not everyone’s cup of tea – like there are people who are awesome in bed and then there are some who suck in bed (pun was unintentional); similarly there are fellow human beings who have got huge reserves of love to share and then there are less fortunate who maybe misunderstand the whole complication and remain deprived all through. Can’t help but reminisce an old hit

Har kisi ko nahee milta yahaa pyaar zindagi main
Khush naseeb hain wo jinhe mila ye bahaar zindagi main

I may sound a bit confused in this rant but for someone who has to make some critical decisions soon, some ponderings can be permitted

10 things you didn’t know about me

1.I have a habit of talking to myself even when others are around; when I see people and situations I tend to drift in a world of my own imagining funny conversations where I end up mouthing dialogues. I get so lost that I forget there are others around and many times speak loudly leaving others around much amused and bemused

2.I have never played any sport in my life, let it be childhood, teens or present day. I usually stayed much away from the sports ground as a result of which have a poor physical attitude, I still cannot run properly and my body aches if I have to do any lifting or jumping; maybe this is reason why I put on weight easily

3.I don’t have any concentration ability; in school and college my mind used to wander everywhere during classes and even now I sit through some discourses without getting any word of it

4.I never smile; if any one asks me what I find hardest it would perhaps be smiling. I carry a straight face everywhere which never changes shape

5.I imagine people and situations doing funny things. In my old office I had a Sardar in IT division, every time I bumped into him I would for no reason imagine him saying “Oye paape” although he never spoke to me in Punjabi; in my present office I have a Southie who I always imagine gesturing “Che che che…” in Tamil/Kannada style

6.I stay away from gadgets and gizmos; for the life of me I can never understand how iPads, MP3 and other stuff works. Recently my company gave me a BlackBerry phone and I still don’t know how to reply e-mails on it; although I work for an electronics retailer all the gizmos appear like UFOs to me and even when some friends ask about latest phones I tend to avoid the topic. My low understanding of technology extends to Web also as I am yet to decipher how to reply to tweets or how to change the layout of this blog page (someone once explained me some funny stuff called HTML, to me it sounds like name of a Public Sector company)

7.I have a habit of doing stuff on fixed time; I cannot stand delays in meal time to the extent that even in official events I start eating if the clock hits fixed time. Last month on office trip I opened my box of biryani inside the moving car as I couldn’t delay my eating time

8.I have a habit of walking with my head down. Instead of looking up straight I look down at the road, only when I am somewhere near destination do I lift my neck

9.I stay away from SMSs. During festivals, like many of you, I too receive hordes of SMSs which are quickly deleted and I don’t recall when was the last time I replied to any SMS

10.I am shit scared of dogs; I get petrified of dogs to such an extent that back in India I used to first scan the lanes from a distance before entering and if there were any dogs around would immediately change my way. I also avoid visiting people who have pet dogs and many times ask the hosts to tie their affectionate pets under leash lest they run up to me and shower any affection…..yeeps

Morality and its dilemmas

Last week I was chatting with a close buddy and ex-colleague when he disclosed that back in 2006 he had slept with couple of interns at my old workplace in Gurgaon. At first I thought he may be kidding but when he came out with the explicit details I knew he had indeed scored those goals; however what was surprising was those girls always appeared casual with everyone in office and even now they are present on everyone’s friends list on Facebook. Now this buddy of mine is a laundiyabaaz and is always scouting for some good catch which is well known to everyone but that did not deter any of those girls from hitting the sack, infact now I feel they may have been egged on knowing this guy is always game for any fun on the side. I am not too sure if those girls also knew then or know about him now that this guy also uses whores and a bit too frequently at that, however I doubt if this knowledge would have deterred them from doing what they did.

Now I am not complaining here, after all casual sex has become a bit too common these days and I myself have slept with whores couple of times but it was the nonchalance around the whole issue that caught me off guard. Maybe I would have reacted bit different some years back but now after all these years I only think of that as a choice someone made when presented with an opportunity.

Maybe my perception has changed over the years, at times I yearn for my old innocence and ponder why I grew up. As a teen I used to be flabbergasted when my hostel mates used to visit brothels or when some girls in school casually lifted their already short uniform skirts when boys were around, however what I learnt over the years was that some things are simply meant to be done and not to be thought so much about. I have had my own share of action now and then but never look upon it as a sin, infact I think I should have been a bit more active and maybe scored more

Perhaps my argument gets strengthened when I see so many others who started with me and along the way chose the unconventional and today are in a higher league. In this internet age its easy to track down what others have been upto and when you see wayward creatures hitting jackpot you get to understand that righteous choices do not always necessarily bring success and sometimes immorality may indeed be a virtue. I will refrain from taking any names here (I had posted couple of years back about an ex-classmate famous for her promiscuity during her teens who has now made big as a TV journalist, that post has apparently gone viral now as I still receive comments there) however now I can’t resist reflecting if dropping the towel is after all not a bad option. Life is all about choices and as long as consequences do not bother, no harm in taking the plunge

I am aware that morality is a tricky issue and it carries different meanings and limits for different people hence one can never be and should never be judgmental about others. Many of my close buddies, both in real and virtual world, have confided in me about whom they slept with; some have multiple partners while others are on single wicket however being close to them I could understand their necessity and the fulfillment they derived. As I firmly believe to each his own, however I wouldn’t mind going back to 2006 and meeting those interns again!

Meet my roomies

Sharing space with anyone is not easy, either metaphorically or literally; and when you end up staying in a new city with new set of people it really does make up for some interesting anecdotes and experiences. Its been about two and a half years since I first landed in this desolate city and after changing abodes thrice where I have put up with half a dozen distinct creatures by now, each of them as unique and as different from the others, I simply can’t resist penning down about them and their idiosyncrasies

Flatmate #1: I was new to Muscat and this guy made most of it; I trusted this older guy as he worked in same building and appeared dignified and simple, little did I know that I will leave his place in eight months mouthing obscenities when I had to involve law to recover my deposit. His place was crappy for the steep rent he charged, my room was so tiny that I couldn’t even shag properly; plus this stinko had his own peculiar lifestyle, every morning the middle aged bumpkin would be dancing and singing Marathi bhajans in his oily kitchen which he had forbidden me to enter, he was indeed proud of his sparsely kept place which he zealously cleaned every day. One need not look beyond him to understand why most of humanity still lives in misery

Flatmate #2: if the previous guy was an asshole this was one was indeed an angel. His well kept spacious place replete with carpets, lampshades and tastefully chosen sofas was so comfortable that I never wanted to leave. However he was perhaps going through a middle age crisis for he kept mostly to himself and did not have any social life, many times I found him sitting alone staring into oblivion; sometime back when I met his loud mouthed wife I could somewhat understand his cheerlessness. I am still friends with this guy, save for his reclusive existence he was never bad to live with

Flatmate #3: a typical TamBram, living with him made me realize how diverse India is. Since we worked together, most of our talks revolved around office gossip and politics; however beyond small office talk there was often a difference in taste. This guy never missed eating rice, he would have rice and curds even after a bowl of pasta; he didn’t understand any Hindi and had never heard names of Gulshan Kumar, Jessica Lal or other names which were household up north. However being of the same age group we often went out for drives together and did enjoy somewhat before he returned to Chennai

Flatmate #4: this guy would be the best of the lot, a true NRI he had lived previously in New Zealand and South Africa and indeed had some fine tastes. He led a somewhat fast lifestyle but I never complained; after all I did enjoy late night drinking binges and it was only with him that I explored the limited night life this city has to offer. He was a fine cook too and did satiate my taste buds with some well cooked meat. Wish I could find more like him

Flatmate #5: I knew this person was danger and perhaps shouldn’t have let him share my place. He was a fanatic who only harped about his religion and its practice, stank of rotten meat, used much of my stuff as a right without ever bothering to ask and when he was around many things went missing; his contacts were even shadier than him and lo behold he knew Dawood Ibrahim personally! Thank heavens he didn’t stay long

Flatmate #6: this one is a cutie, although much younger in age he is fun and may I say also innocent and straight. I am currently enjoying my stay with him, his only flaw being his chain smoking – never met anyone before who smokes 100 ciggies a day! Apart from this, the guy is good to go and at times funny with his hilarious remarks and nonsensical comments

Hope and Despair

Dear Dad

I am writing to you after long, maybe I should have written to you much before and not waited for this day when its been exactly a decade since you left this world; however its better late than never. I know even when you were around I did not write to you much, we were more used to having those silent conversations in the dining room which did not leave much unsaid

Looking back much has changed for me in these 10 years though much has remained the same also. I am still the same aloof person who is still unsure about himself; although I have started earning my own dough I am not too sure if I am where you envisaged me to be; but I am sure, like always, you would not be too disappointed with me

Now let me be straight, life has not been easy since you left; infact its been much harder from what I initially comprehended. The first few years after your departure were perhaps the worst of my life, even now I shudder at thought of those lifeless years, it was like seeing everything around come down which I thought was once unbreakable. I knew it would always be hard with you not around but never knew life can teach so much the dirty and wrong way

I am fully aware how you wanted to be around till I stood on my feet; I still recall those days in hospital when doctors had given up on you and how valiantly you fought death for 18 long days even in deep coma. I knew you fought and fought hard only for me, even in that door between life and death you were only asking for some more time so that your dear young son wouldn’t have it so bad; but Dad it was my destiny to have it this way, don’t feel so much for it

I guess we shared a very peculiar relationship of love-hate; though our communication was less but when I said that I love you on first seeing your lifeless form at your funeral I meant it from the depths of my being. Now when I remember you there are a lot of images which appear; however if there was one thing which stood you apart it was your very strong personality, its been sometime that I have been seeing this world from my own eyes and now I realize that you were indeed of a rare ilk. Although all along I was aware of that tenderness hidden behind that hard exterior which did make a rare appearance sometimes, you remain by far one of the few upright and righteous human beings I have met in this bad world. Not that you did not have any flaws but to travel the road you did, being at that high government position, required a lot of courage and sincerity

These past ten years I have learnt a lot from life and I know as I brace myself for the times ahead it will only get harder but then I am never going to be cowed down. If anything I would like to inherit from you, its your spirit of steel so evident in your all time favorite song “Duniya main hum aaye hain to jeena hi padega, jeevan hain zehar…..”

Enjoy yourself wherever you are like you always did

Your son

Botherations

Sometime back when I was doing my first Art of Living course, I was asked to jot down my botherations in life, not knowing what to write as life was different those days, I had only jotted ‘dull personal life’. However if I am asked to list down now my current botherations, list may not be too long but if the happenings of past month are anything to go by, maybe not be short either

Job update: now if you read my below post, you will understand my sleepless nights. I have been repeatedly calling head office in Dubai but there has been no further update; the least that I expect from my employers is to atleast let me know if I have to look for another job, and this has to be made clear to me right now without any dirty surprises later. I had been promised a call this week but am still waiting to know what decision the big lords have taken

Blood test: as part of Visa renewal I have to undergo a blood test soon. Now every time I go through a blood test, it sends down jitters. I am so scared of any infections that even the thought of it makes me flinch somewhere. The last tests I had undertaken were more than a couple of years back and that time too I was as nervous as I am now

Money matters: this is not a real botheration but then in my life I have never understood money. If having less dough is a concern having more of it brings worries of a different kind; at times I feel money is like a sexy blonde – every one wants; if not full only a small part will also bring some happiness; if any one else has it you also want it for your self; once you see it and if you are lucky enough to taste it, you always want more of it; and lastly only the one who has it knows the pains he has to undergo to maintain it

Matrimony: there has been some progress here as I do have a couple of good shortlists. Last evening I met with a nice chick over large cup of cappuccino at Starbucks; she did appear nice and positive with a wide smile, during our long chat she came across as normal without any prejudices. There is another chick based in Bangalore who has been mailing frequently, although she appears heavy in built but other stuff does match somewhere, like me she also writes a blog though not an anonymous one

Work : if some of you have been wondering why my blogging frequency has come down its all thanks to dear work. In the maze of all the above botherations clouding my mind for past sometime, ever piling work is making my days difficult so much so that at times I end up doing something totally different from the planned and piled up backlog. Work is essential to ensure rozi roti but amazingly I am a bit confused if I will have work in days to come or not!

Main pareshaan, pareshaan, pareshaan……

Amidst all the happenings or non-happenings in my personal life I posted last about, comes the latest and unexpected twist on work front. Life has a cruel tendency to give shocks and surprises when least expected; when one is immersed in solving riddles on personal front, work trouble raises its ugly head and when office is doing well it’s the personal stuff which causes itch.

Well coming straight to the point few days back I had a senior guy coming down from head office in Dubai for official visit, nothing wrong in it which means its so far so good. Work and proposals were discussed in length, here I must mention some proposals were out of line with company policy and required much convincing to gain approval. Again so far so good as its only work that’s getting discussed and proposals were genuine based on business case; my interaction with this guy was very positive, in fact I received him at the Airport and next evening we spent a good time discussing my plans – all on positive note. This guy returned to Dubai same night and next day I first heard that superboss, who had initially planned to fly down this month will not be coming; however within no time again got a message not to cancel the hotel booking of superboss as he will be flying down. Once again so far so good as its good to have superboss visit and notice your work; it also meant that I had to spend countless extra hours in office preparing my presentation, but again its all in good spirit

This far and here on not so good. Last evening when I was giving finishing touches to my presentation I received a call from India from an unknown number, this was from a guy I had connected with on LinkedIn about a year back and who can be called my peer in age, experience, qualification and profession. Last time we had spoken he was enquiring my take on some job opportunity he was being offered in this part of the world and talk had ended there; this time he informed me that he was approached by Dubai head office of my company for a position based in my branch office – in fact he was interviewed for my position only!! I was completely taken aback and asked him thrice that whether he was interviewed for position based in Muscat or Dubai, he was clear that this position was Muscat based only and was for my job only, he had checked again with interview panel on this. What was more surprising was that he took names of entire hiring team, so this was not a bluff; during his interview when he disclosed that he knew me personally and we had exchanged notes in past, he was specifically told not to mention anything to me!! When I was talking to him I could actually feel the ground shaking and even after the call ended I was in a trance for most of the evening, even now I am rattled and still don’t know how to react. Before ending the call this guy even informed me that this position is being handled by known recruitment agencies and is live on job groups for about a week now!

I could not sleep for much of the night and when superboss did visit today morning I was trying to pick up any hints which may convey bad news, however nothing of the sort happened and infact before leaving superboss asked me to submit plans for the next three years. What is bothersome here is that my company has a very dirty practice of letting people go after hiring their replacements – so when they identify a bad resource they hire a replacement first, upon whose joining the existing guy is served the notice.

Life has many things to worry about but few things we do take for granted – like going for work every morning; my new worry is that searching for work should not become my new work soon

….and my hunt continues

I returned yesterday from a hectic tour of India covering 3 cities in 5 days and boy what a ride it was! India never lacks in excitement and always has surprises up its sleeve, in fact now being outside I do miss the bang of energy so abundantly visible back home. Visiting home is always refreshing and this visit was a tad better than previous ones due to the surprising amity and amicability at my place, guess being away rough relations do tend to smoothen out over time. However coming to main purpose of the trip was my latest craze of bride hunting and I had lined up some choices to meet and assess

Girl 1
This is the girl I never met! Although she was the one I was most excited about and it was because of her that I had included Mumbai in my itinerary but strangely she backed out rather bizarrely at the last moment. To begin the story we came in contact about a month back and seeing her impressive profile I was excited; she reciprocated my interest, in fact she seemed more interested going by the lengthy international calls she used to make to me in middle of night. A few days before my departure she informed she is not in Mumbai but will surely meet me, if not Mumbai then she will fly to Delhi. Even before flying out from Muscat Airport I had messaged her enquiring about her availability and next day in Mumbai when she was not reachable I was forced to spend the day sleeping at an Andheri hotel, twist in the tale was the SMS I received next evening stating that her match has been fixed!! Zor ka jhatka aur ticket fare ka phatka. Today when I checked her Facebook profile she has written a long diatribe on why not to get married…as strange as it could get

Girl 2
The original girl whose proposal was received sometime back and because of whom I planned this trip. When I received this profile everything seemed perfect – professional background, living and working independently in Bangalore, schooled in Muscat, same caste also; however there is a long slip between the cup and lip which I discovered upon meeting her. I had flown to Bangalore specifically for her and spent half a day with her at Garuda Mall where her mother and sister also joined us later for lunch. I tried to strike conversation with her and know more of her life and hobbies but found myself quiet most of the times; apparently we do not have much in common as she clearly doesn’t have a cosmopolitan touch. She mailed me later saying she wants to proceed with our proposal which I politely turned down

Girl 3
Now at my home in Gurgaon started the brigade of Dilli phool chhaddies. I started my list with the first meeting held at a posh hotel where both families were also present, this chick looks much cuter and slimmer than her pics but was too scared of her stern (and rough looking) father so did not talk much even though we were seated much away from the elders. Going by our previous chats she was a real chatterbox but this time didn’t go beyond her smile; she comes from a reasonable family and is very focused on academics as she is still studying and will take another two years to finish her books. The only thing I recall from this meeting is the taste of stale water melon juice

Girl 4
When I met her at an old joint of Connaught Place I was surprised by her disposition of fragrant perfume, Janpath jewelry, sprinkled masacra and a silken accent. She did have brains and loads of passion as she quizzed me on my aspirations beyond work, holiday choices and dream achievements. During the hour and half we were together we talked about art, travel, Modern school, lemon vodka and yes we also spoke about blogging. The conversation could have gone on but then we parted ways as the weather and our chat had just started getting gloomy

Girl 5
When I met this girl at Select City Walk in Saket I wanted to run away within some time. She was short, sex less and spoke like an auto driver, however when I came to know about her family background and the way she had researched about my background, the conversation stretched to almost couple of hours. However beyond the compatible service families on both sides, nothing else matches here

After all these whirlwind meetings everyone wants to know whats there on my mind, although I am myself as confused as confusion could be

Phases of my life

Everyone’s life has its own crests and troughs, times when you feel you are on top of the world and next day you land up in pits. My life too has been a bit rollercoaster with its own thrills when swing is high and bad pain when rock bottom hits. If I have to look back at my thirty years of existence, I can may be categorize them into different phases

Young toddler: I was so shy and innocent that I sometimes wonder where that young pup has gone. My parents were reticent shouting at me or disciplining me for I would cow down with tears immediately. A true blue ghar ki murgi I knew nothing about bad world outside

The ugly duckling adolescent: this was the time I went to a school hostel and understood why growth is associated with loss of innocence. I was bullied heavily and found life with creatures from other habitats very tough; it was here I learnt how to masturbate and also got my first blowjob

Suppressed teenager: I was back home during high school but now feel living in that small town missed out on mischief. Plus my distant cousin, whom I was seeing for the first time in my life, had come to stay at my place to study along with me which was much against my wishes; from here on I started finding little difference between my parents and aliens

Freebird romantic: moving to Delhi was not bad at all and life in Hindu College was indeed fun. Most carefree days of my life where future was a dream deferred and stars in my eyes could make up a constellation of their own

Agonized loner: I lost my father soon after college after which life was never the same again. Also I ended up doing my PG at a place I loathed and never wanted to join. This was the time I despise most in my life as I remained mostly aloof, friendless and listless

First steps: one never forgets first kiss likewise one never forgets first employment also. Looking back my first couple of jobs were not that bad also, I did have my share of babes and Bacardi though also learnt some hard lessons unfortunately the hard way

Frustrated: when I started this blog I was so damn frustrated and itching to get away; read my initial posts which reek of angst and frustration to better understand my despair. Had this phase continued for some more time my own sanity would have been in grave danger, seriously

Relief and hope: I am more relieved than happy to be away and abroad now; uncomplicated life here does show a glimmer of hope after being tormented and caged for long

Is he really that into you

I am sure many of you would have seen the popular flick, He is just not that in to you; if not then go right now, it’s one of the most warm and endearing flicks I have ever seen. When I had seen the film first I could not relate much to the relationships stories depicted therein; I merely enjoyed Drew Barrymore and Scarlett Johnson being persuaded by equally good looking men (I guess I really am bi-sexual). But now when I am actually interacting with females and trying to decipher their psyche about men, relationships and marriage a lot of hitherto unknown female characteristics are becoming known to me, especially the expected interest response from men

Last week I had a good chat with a chick based in Mumbai, she does look promising though I know very little of her apart from her given details in her matri-profile. Having worked in same workplace though at different times, we did speak for long and shared notes about khadoos bosses when the talk later diverged to serious stuff; she wanted to know when I plan to visit India and how things can be taken forward, but it didn’t end just there
Me: hey nice catching up with you…
Her : same here, so when do you plan to visit India?
Me: May be next month, let see. I was not planning Mumbai initially but guess may halt if things look good with you..
Her : So you must be meeting other girls also (blush)
Me: Of course yes
Her: Ummm..how do you find…no no, I hope you liked my profile
Me: Yes I did, that’s why we are talking
Her: Ummm..ok..no did you really like it?...no I mean…no..nothing, bye

Another girl whom I promised to meet soon never fails to ping me whenever she sees me online. Our initial chats were about life in general and understanding each other more but her recent pings border on desperate
Me : good to c u online
Her: same here, u liked my snap
Me: yes I saw it
Her: did u like?
Me: yes I saw ur pics..
Her: OK…..but did u like?.....i mean they were good no
Me: (confused) yes
Her: OK….no I am much better than that….
Me (confused again): ok
Her: so u liked me na??
Me (better to log off): busy with work, c u later

Then there is another girl in Bangalore whom I had promised to meet in February but meeting got delayed; I called her to inform I may fly down soon
Me: hey hi, its me
Her: so time mil gaya….aap to bhool hi gaye
Me: no I called to inform I am coming soon and we will meet
Her: finally you are coming, you promised you will come before but you never did. So how many days you are coming?
Me: just one day, then I go to Delhi
Her: Delhi why?
Me: of course my people are there….
Her: that means you meeting other girls also, tell me do you have more choices???
Me: err..yes, but what makes you say that?
Her: gosh….ohh…nothing….ok bye

I am not sure if I will meet Drew Barrymore anytime in this life, but if I do my suggestion to her would be to rechristen her popular flick "Is he really that into you…or are there others too?"