Last night I had a dream

Last night I had a dream. I was alone seated in dark when Fear passed by; I jumped upon seeing Fear upon which Fear laughed and said “I thrive in darkness, you keep light away and still jump upon seeing me..hahaha” I then looked around and found Loneliness and Anxiety staring at me; I wanted them to go away but they would simply not move; I tried to shoo them away, warned them to leave and spoke loudly but they would not budge. Loneliness looked at me and said “Why do you want me to leave, I am your constant companion; you look back at your life and I have always been with you. Now that your life is seeing a new dawn does not mean I will leave all of a sudden. I will keep coming back, no matter if you like it or not.” Anxiety also looked at me and said “I have been visiting you for some time and I will keep appearing in your life now and then; but hey don’t think you can do away with me. After all I have been invited by a distant cousin of mine Self Doubt; he gives me a buzz and I come running here whenever he wins over his bitter rival Confidence”

It was dark all around but I started running as fast as I could; away from Fear, Loneliness and Anxiety. After some hard running I stumbled and fell down with a big bang when I heard laughter; it was Pain shining in glory. I looked quizzically at Pain and he retorted “Don’t look surprised my friend, I am an inevitable part of everyone’s life. Those who accept me live better, but those who keep running like you always fall on their face, the way you have done. My friend Fear would have met you and running scared from him always brings people like you to me; Fear is my best friend for he helps bring pigs like you fall in front of me” I tried to get up and run away but could still hear Pain say “run as fast as you can but I am inevitable”

I continued running till I found some familiar surroundings; I wanted to relax here but instead started feeling restless, I looked around and spotted Despair grinning at some distance “hey where have you been all these days, have been missing you for sometime now. I gave you good company but now I miss you”. I was aghast and replied “I never miss you, in fact I am happy to get rid of you, now get lost” I turned around and saw Past staring at my face but unlike Despair he was not smiling. Breaking his frown Past blasted “where do you think you are running? I will always come back to haunt you whenever you try to run. I and Despair used to be your constant companions and at times Pain and Anxiety too joined in but now you want to run! Let me see where you go for you can never rewrite me”

Ignoring Past I ran again but no matter how fast I ran I could always see Past somewhere behind. Still I ran and ran till I came to a spot where I felt somewhat relaxed; a passerby offered me some water after which Past looked blurred, I was extremely pleased and expressed my gratitude to the strange looking passerby who introduced himself as Relief; I must admit I have never met a better person, I am sure anyone will be happy to meet Relief

I continued running and upon going some further distance I saw Anxiety again waiting for me, I turned around and suddenly saw Hope; with Hope nearby Anxiety was nowhere to be seen. Hope put his hands on my shoulder and gently said “my buddy Relief told me to find you here. Don’t worry unnecessarily about Anxiety; he never comes around when I am here. But remember you need to have faith in me else that rotten scoundrel Anxiety will keep coming back. I know you yearned for me even when Past was grilling you, but you need not worry as long as I am around. I am sure you know that well by now” I again looked at Anxiety who looked blurred with Hope around; I clung on to Hope and saw Anxiety disappear.

Is it really worth it?

As someone who is contemplating matrimony self doubts keep creeping in now and then and when combined with external factors manifest themselves in such big forms that I shudder at what I am getting into. Few days back Mom called up informing what some stupid astrologers had to say of my horoscope, if astrology is to be believed I am nearly committing suicide because my wife will be dominating, cruel and spiteful; now I have been advised on the acrimonious marriage predicted in my horoscope since time immemorial which makes me wonder is marriage worth it?

Idiotic astrology aside I am aware marriage is and never will be easy, more so for me. At times I wonder whats wrong with my single life; I never feel having missed out on anything and am kinda saved from all the complications that tangled relationships bring. But sub-consciously I am also aware that if and when I do settle down, leading a harmonious existence will be tougher than finding Yeti; read below if you want to know why

*I am too soft and non-assertive as a person and till now have only been dominated. I have had it in life if I end up with someone who is tez and chalu chant
*I don’t know how I come across on this blog but I am kind of cold, reserved and distant. Successful marriages demand partners who are loving, caring and affectionate; virtues which are somewhat unknown to me
*I get ticked off by girly things and tantrums; infact I can’t stand nakhras and hate shopping
*I am too much seedha and anyone can take me for a ride; moreso the teda fairer sex who are known to have good doses of greed and jealousy
*I like my solitude and many times don’t feel like coming out. Also I don’t mix easily and tend to become choosy in selecting company
*I kind of lack care and sensitivity and become too curt when ticked off. I know this is explosive & inflammable stuff in any relationship
*I am a bit melancholic and lead a dreary existence, a far cry from the fun and excitement which relationships demand
*Now this is something I have never said before but I avoid responsibility, perhaps why most stuff in my life has got delayed
*Its no secret that I have uneasy relations with my people, an easy picking for anyone wanting to make mincemeat of me and rule the roost
*I know that I sometimes write funny stuff but in general I have a serious disposition and mostly look for intellectual stuff not shopping bags

With all the sacrifice and pain that marriages and relationships bring I can’t help but wonder is it really worth it?