Morbid Me

Once there was a boy who remained quiet and aloof and at times was so silent, his presence itself was unknown. Naturally this boy did not have many friends but he remained content in his solitude, under the protected shelter of his parents. Little did he realize in his innocence that his parents too are human beings and with their own follies may abhor his reserved disposition. The ill vibes grew along with the child and during his upbringing he many times had imaginary thoughts of his being spanked without reason, beaten up for pleasure and persecuted to give pain. As he approached teenage, his mother who was undergoing menopause, got her relative’s daughter to stay with him; just because she needed emotional support and totally unmindful of her child’s comfort

Do you know this child? I know you wouldn’t. After all this is an anonymous blog

Off late the dark thoughts engulfing me have increased and many times I too wonder what I have to do with them. Few nights back I had a dream that Narendra Hirwani has died. Now come on I know that dreams project only what you have been thinking sub-consciously, but from where the hell does Narendra Hirwani come in here? I have not even seen or read about him anywhere in ages

On Friday, flu shots were being administered in office to deal with the seasonal change of weather. I thought after the shot I will be immune to any ills for sometime, but on Tuesday I developed high fever, perhaps more due to exertion in Vaishno Devi. I was anxious and restless the whole day, has my body immunity got hit and reduced? Have I contacted something fatally dangerous? Is there something wrong with my blood? Only when the fever subsided next day that I breathed a sigh of relief, but doubt it is only for time being

Yesterday a chick in office complimented me for my Toastmasters effort and admitted she was taken aback to know that I too had a sense of humor! After all I hardly smile, which perhaps unknowingly does put off few people. Perhaps our external appearance is after all only a reflection of our inner being.

I guess morbidity has been a part of me for sometime now and will continue to constitute a part of my dreary existence. But I guess I may not be alone here, perhaps we all do have our grey shades hidden somewhere which get camouflaged with the unreal brightness we all tend to put on.

A short trip and back

My trip to Jammu and Vaishno Devi went smoothly and as per schedule. I had a good time meeting some of the old faces and regaling in their company. This time around there were more queries coming as to when I plan to tie the knot and settle down. I am appalled at how easily the same people who are suffering in their own marriages are insisting and are very keen to see me married off. Going by some of their debates, marriage seems an accomplishment much like climbing a difficult peak, the earlier conquered greater the valor

At times I am amazed at how different world is in some of the smaller Indian towns, with their own naivety and innocence. I had once overheard a remark that India lives in five centuries, a fact endorsed after visiting Jammu from Gurgaon for gap between both cities would be atleast a few decades if not more.

City and its folks notwithstanding, I had fun climbing up and down Vaishno Devi though my legs are still sore and am limping today in office. I had kept both legs in warm salted water twice yesterday but the effect is waning off now. While climbing Vaishno Devi it is remarkable the kind of energy one feels while approaching the main caves. I guess it is not without reason that the shrine enjoys a large following.

I had visited Vaishno Devi same time last year too, when I had received a job offer from Dubai. The day I returned back the offer was withdrawn leaving me infuriated and deeply agonized. But seeing the magnitude of global crisis, I now feel I was saved from an impending disaster; hence was all the more keen to pay obeisance this year

Besides I also had a wedding to attend, which was scheduled on the evening I climbed Vaishno Devi. Imagine trekking a full day up and down and then attending a wedding same evening! However I could not have skipped this one, as the bride here was my ex-classmate, a close family friend, and daughter of current state DGP. An amusing part of the ceremony here was the Kashmiri songs and music played. Those who have heard Kashmiri will agree it is the most nasal lingo around and after hearing Kashmiri songs Himesh Reshamiyya will sound like a sweet cuckoo.

Visiting other places I always yearn for coming back home but after few days at home, long for a good time out. I guess it is the same with many of us, when it is hot we want it cold, but when it starts getting colder we try to get warm. But what would life be if all was same with no variation around

Cycles of life

Few days back I had logged onto Facebook before dozing off. I am not a Facebook freak, but nothing wrong in checking my account once in a while. I clicked on a recently uploaded album containing snaps from my post grads days, which depicted my ex-classmates in all frolic having a gala time, though I was nowhere in those pics. I was not even aware that people around me had been around so much, been together in so many adventures or had been eyeing each other so desperately as future marital prospects

Those pics actually triggered a thought process and set me thinking for the night. I was a real recluse in my PG days, literally not interacting with anyone with no acquaintances let alone friends around. Being in an institute which attracted the wealthiest from Delhi, there was no dearth of fun and babes around, but I was battling my own demons and just emerging from my father’s demise and the following uneasiness at my place. Even nowadays if I bump into any of my ex mates from those PG days, there is hardly any talk or interaction and only an acknowledgement of bare recognition

But I was not always like that nor was my life a symbol of aloofness prior to those two years. I had a whale of a time in college, enjoying life to the hilt and painting the town red. I still have fond memories of DU North Campus and wish those days could come back at least once. During my school days, I had close friends who are still in touch and do meet up whenever circumstances permit. In my worklife too, I did have a fair sprinkling of yaars and dildaars who at times also doubled up as Agony Aunts or Good Samaritans

I guess life moves in cycles, good days follow bad ones and vice versa. In my present job, I was all at sea during initial days but have had a better time during the last year. Even during my school days my grades followed a cyclic pattern, crests and troughs were always visible in my academic performance. Guess these troughs are a part of life; one just has to bear with them for the upturn to arrive

Tomorrow I am leaving for Jammu and will visit Vaishno Devi on Sunday, besides attending a wedding. I will also meet a few folks from the chapters of life gone by and reminisce the time spent there. I am not sure if that was a crest or trough of life, nor am I aware if my current state is a peak or trench, but I have hope and only pray, if nothing else, atleast hope doesn’t leave me

A week in my life

Off late my days have begun to follow some sort of a set pattern. It is definitely not by design but guess the sequence of days has put me in a cycle, wherein all days have developed a finicky trend

Sunday: get up lazily in morning, after watching piles of porn last night. Laze around with morning cup of tea, reading Sunday Times before dashing off to Toastmasters meeting. Back home, look for a good film coming on HBO; else curse myself before afternoon siesta, why I do not have a fuck-buddy. Fuck-buddies can be potential best friends; there is a mutual need being catered to without any strings attached. If anyone knows how to find a good fuck-buddy do let me in.
In the evening scan the DVDs or idiot box for any good stuff coming, before retiring for the day.

Monday: eyes keep blinking the whole day with a throbbing headache as the body longs for those few extra hours on the bed. Sadly the regimen of office ensures that I am deprived of my comfortable snooze, as the heaviness persists till evening. I push myself hard to visit the gym and at times I am scared that I do not fall sleeping off the treadmill.

Tuesday: slightly better as I have got tuned to the idea of work. The missing energy from previous day trickles back in small droves, as my socks are pulled hard and pending work keeps building up. However my evening procrastination continues with either yoga or gym taking a back seat

Wednesday: I am at best, up early in morning brimming all at work. Perhaps if all days could be Wednesdays I would have been a more productive employee. However I do unwind at night with newly uploaded saucy porn clips. Unfortunately there are no strip bars yet in India so have to make do with poorer cousins

Thursday: work fever continues during the day, provided my head is not spinning from the early awakening. I run through the day and return to schedule of gym, yoga and blogs in the evening. If mood builds up watch some more clips before sleeping but have to take care the bed edges do not get too sticky.

Friday: one of the best days as the work is relaxed with not too pressing demands. As its dress down day there is a different ambience with everyone eagerly looking to the upcoming weekend. After work, look for a fellow bachelor to drown in a nearby watering hole and sleep real late.

Saturday: wake up late and laze around before visiting gym, which has a refreshingly sexy look with chicks in skimpy outfits. If not the weights, the decreasing waistlines and necklines provide fodder to the much deprived soul. Again curse myself later in the day; it would have been so much better with a fuck-buddy around…

Why my blog is my best friend?

· Can bare my soul here – I cannot think of any place where I can be as uninhibited and candid as here. I have laid threadbare my darkest desires and deepest secrets and may open up some more in time to come. Let it be my fantasies, my loneliness or my desires, all have found their due place here.

· One of the few things I look forward to eagerly – Not many things in life are looked forward to and only those are eagerly sought which you enjoy and cherish. I can safely vouch for this URL to be a fierce companion which I seek most of the days, in the midst of eternal ennui engulfing my existence

· Have known some of the most interesting and fascinating people and their stories here – It helps to know and learn that there are so many fascinating folks with their own exciting tales to share. And also how similar some of us really are, we share the same beliefs, same thoughts and same insecurities

· The only one which guarantees companionship and only asks my time in return – an outlet when in need can be your best friend indeed. In times good and bad, only place which will always listen to me and provide a shoulder to cry upon, or to let out a cry of jubilation and also to hide from my fears, is the one you are right now reading. Its true that blogging demands time commitment, but it also makes you discover some interesting facets of yourself when you are in deepest contemplations on what to share next.

· Is patient and never minds my idiosyncranacies – I have been irregular and also illogical while pouring out here, and sometimes while reading the past pages, the inherent contradictions and paradoxes leave me baffled. But my best friend has never complained and always listened with both ears open

Meet my neighbors

This Diwali, like all previous Diwalis, I dropped in at my neighbors’ place to greet them and also to exchange sweet boxes along with my family. We live in a 7th floor apartment, one of the four on that floor, but must say all four occupants could not have been more varied and interesting.

The first family we visited, who live right across us, is a typical modern-day family; perhaps it cannot get more archetypically modern than them. They have a glittering drawing room, well decorated with foreign artifacts and lamp shades which gives a majestic glow to the place. The owner of the place is a CEO in one of the Reliance firms while his wife is a Art of Living teacher. They have a bomb of a daughter who is about my age, and who mostly dresses uninhibitedly in the most modern of outfits; infact the entire family has an amazing wardrobe, and inspite of increasing vice, their dressing sense can put any college goer to shame. The sexy daughter works in a deluxe hotel which requires her to work late hours; gosh why I don’t work in hospitality. They also have a young son, who is so funky its tough to believe that he studies in a college. Actually he is a music freak, and his attire and appearance with curly hair, torn jeans, rock-band T shirts match his hobby to the hilt.

The second house we visited is a Punju Delhi-bred family, with two young fat children and a matching fatty mother but a slim father. The owner of this house is a RSS official who speaks in the purest Hindi dialect possible. They are staunch supporters of every thing Hindu and Hindi; infact their house resembled a graveyard when Congress won this year. But must say the owner of this house is the most upright man I have met, always devoted to good causes and to espousing the cause of society at large. If only the pure Hindi can be tolerated, which can freak out any docile creature, this person can in reality turn out to be the most committed and trustworthy guy; someone you would always count upon.

The last family we visited, and with whom interaction is always limited, is a Mallu family with everything about them being what you expect typical Southies to be. The owner here is always dressed in a lungi, except perhaps when going to office, while the wife is thankfully sometimes in Northie attire. Their drawing room is simple, with only bare necessities in place and photos of Gods on the walls. Since we had visited in evening, we were served coke in large glasses and nothing else. They do not talk much and its difficult to elicit responses to the most casual of conversations. Our stay here was shortest, only interesting dialogues revolving around the rangoli their daughter had prepared.

Well Robert Frost once said “Good fences make good neighbors” wonder what makes interesting neighbors

A holiday, party and my latest read

For the first time in my brief work life, I had an option of taking an off today. Yes today being State elections, my organization has given a paid holiday to all those want to cast their ballot. My miser firm was reticent to close today but the compulsions of law cannot be ignored, hence this novel provision of giving a choice holiday. Thank heavens I recently got my voter ID, though I will only stay indoors and exercise my limbs instead of franchise.

It feels kind of odd to take another break after a good weekend. My team had a rocking party on Friday night at Buzz in DLF City Center, our old haunt. As usual I was sloshed like hell, drinking to my heart’s content. I feel the best part of pubbing is the bird watching one gets to do; the uninhibited flesh, smoke and glances are long-sought candies for the eyes. On Friday too there was a cleavage displaying gang of girls near our seats, who were enjoying my ogles and reciprocating my glances. I guess there attention got me all the more charged up; I finished a packet of Gold Flakes and drowned in the brownish golden liquid thereafter. At the end of party, I was grateful it was a team outing for then there is always someone sober to drop me back. It was only on Monday when the odd-looking bill was presented that the team camaraderie got disrupted over division of spoils.

I got lucky twice in succession when on Saturday I was invited to TCS office for Toastmasters Humor Speech competition. Though I was nursing a massive hangover from the overdose of Teacher’s previous night, it did not stop me from silently admiring the TCS crowd, more specifically the females. Later after I delivered my speech, there was a bit of role reversal with now me being the recipient of admiration.

On Saturday evening my brother got Chetan Bhagat’s new work, which caught my eye. Since he had to gift that to his wife the next day, I only had Sunday to finish off the book which put me on a reading marathon. But must say Mr. Bhagat does write well, importantly he knows what to write. This one was a B School romance involving people from different geographies and cultures, meeting the usual reluctance from stereotype parents, and finally culminating in a DDLJ-like effort by the boy to stay with girl’s folks so as to woo them and gain acceptance. Chetan Bhagat, like all modern- day gurus, understands modern day living much better than rest and his works are a real reflection of our day-to-day intricacies.

The next weekend is all the more awaited because of Diwali. Hopefully it will not be dull and recession affected like last time, a bit of loudness and noise is not bad once in a while.