Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Teenage infatuation gone wrong

My last post drew a lot of flak, not for the randomness of my life but what I mentioned about one of my darkest deeds. Its ironical that my other random ramblings were ignored, while one misdeed of mine, though causally mentioned, got the widest attention.

Yes I did sort of molest somebody in high school, which was about ten years back, when I was in class XII and School Vice Captain. This chick, who was perhaps as pretty as pretty can be, was a year junior to me. She was a talented gal, prominent in both sports and academics. However as she had recently joined that year, was possibly searching for an identity for herself and looking at ways and means to associate herself with those who mattered. Perhaps as a school prefect she did make an effort to come close to me, which I mistook for attraction.

It was during one cultural event that we got actually close and spent some time together. I was the host for that event in which she was performing, I still remember the song she was dancing to choodi jo khanki haathon main. All team members including participants, stayed back after school hours for rehearsals and that is when more information sharing about each other took place. In hindsight I guess as an extrovert she was more forthcoming, while I was my usual reticent self.

I must say she was a deadly cocktail of beauty and brains, the sort who can give anyone sleepless nights, a fact endorsed by many others. As state table tennis champion, she was all across the local newspapers and in terms of appearance was a cross between Urmila Matondkar and Divya Bharti.

Now why did I commit the unpardonable act? Well it was my immaturity or the all-conquering teen ego, which could never take no for an answer. At the time of the deed, I was totally smitten by her, an infatuation which proved fatal for both of us. I never proposed to her, but my feelings were actually never hidden. What enraged me was her constant flirting with everyone, it was like she was choosing the weather for her mood.

That day, after which I was proceeding on a long vacation, I decided to sort out once for all and show who is the boss around. During recess I confronted her and after an ensuing argument, caught hold of her with her crying for release. I don’t remember how the hold broke, but thanks to some intrusions, sanity was soon restored.

Being a small town, the news of this happening spread across city, from tuition centers to other schools. As son of state DGP, I was all the more easily recognizable and the matter reached my home too. I did manage to wriggle out temporarily and few months later, my folks got transferred to Delhi forever. Even till date, in that city, this event is not forgotten and sometimes discussed in hushed voices

Readers please don’t crucify me, I am already remorseful for that act in my life. There is a moment of madness which grips males at times, like it did to Clinton and Shiney Ahuja, to which I unfortunately succumbed. While writing this piece I could never see any females seated around my office in the eye; I know I perpetrated an act of shame which deserves no mercy.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Ten Random Things About Me

1. I am reading the latest book by Advaita Kala, off late I have developed a liking for chick lit stuff

2. I like mountains more than the sea. Perhaps having been brought up in Kashmir, this is kinda natural

3. I molested a girl in open corridor in high school. It all got hushed up then, but is still the talk of the town sometimes

4. I am petrified of dogs; manytimes I run on just hearing barking anywhere nearby

5. I guess I am bi-curious; or maybe it was just plain curiosity when those raging hormones took control during puberty

6. I hardly played anything as a kid, but really regret it now, as I tend to put on easily

7. My favorite porn clip is the threesome from ‘Wild things’; it beats Basic Instinct and Monster’s Ball by a long margin

8. I am not attached to anyone; perhaps has something to do with my solitary life

9. My idea of a perfect evening is a quiet drink with friends; that’s why I prefer lounge bars over discs. The drink too should preferably be a malt, not the desi stuff

10. Since I have been here I have loved blogging. Nowhere else could I vent out so candidly

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Why doesn’t my office have a Barista around?

Argh…have been bored like hell. Sitting in office, that too under the constant gaze of everyone around with not much to do can put anyone to boredom. Add to this the stupid restrictions that are imposed from time to time, which makes you wonder at times if you are in a primary school. Don’t believe me, sample this - one cannot be away from workstation for long, cannot gossip in cafeteria, no smoking zones inside office, only freebies served in office-tea and coffee- have to be consumed at workstation. Working here, many times I envy the life of Tihar inmates

No wonder, many times I feel my body fluids, which are in full flow when I watch a threesome clip at night, running dry in office. With vibrancy, zest and effervescence totally lacking here, lethargy and lassitude are my only constant companions.

Add to this that I sit in an open area with my screen visible right from boss’s office, only thing he has to do is lift his eyebrow a little; also add the stares of every other soul who passes by from behind or gets up from his seat of the around 100+ workstations located on this floor. It is for this reason, that I always write my posts in a word document, which has first half page as ‘Plan of Action 2009’; from a distance it seems that I am doing some work with seriousness (and not chatting with someone or surfing on net); and if an inquisitive soul does lurk nearby, I quickly scroll up the document back to Plan of Action 2009. Suspicion does get better of people, and few of my colleagues are apprehensive of what I sometimes keep writing on my system with all seriousness.

Recently though when I had body fluids flowing with full pace was last Saturday, when I had been to Safdurjung and dropped in the market opposite IIT for lunch and beer. That place is frequented by the IIT crowd and the Barista there absolutely rocks. Inside they keep a guitar handy, along with Scrabble and other games that Barista has, which strums to some delightful music in evenings by students. Also the place has some hot and young females in attendance, many times seated on the cane chairs just outside the glass entrance, puffing away to glory and drawing grey circles around. What actually kicked in me rage and jealousy that day, was when I saw corporate offices nearby.
Now come on, why doesn’t my workplace have a Barista or IIT around?

Friday, July 17, 2009

Dream deferred

Recently I took a quiz on Facebook, someone had apparently marked an invitation. The quiz contained about ten questions, each giving different situations and dwelling into my take on life in general. At first I did not think much of it, another of those know yourself better ones, but was candid in all my answers. However the result given below, could not have been more succinct and concise in assessment

You are precise yet romantic, efficient yet dreamy, friendly yet somewhat suspicious of others. You rarely smile, but when you do it's very meaningful. You like it best when there is a group consensus, and yet you are easily annoyed by the slowness and/or stupidity of others. Sometimes you think that if only you could live on an island or move to some wonderful place far away, everything would be better, and if you can't realize this dream you often lose yourself in books/vacations/recipes/sports -- anything for an escape! All in all, however, you make your peace with life, and have many old friends.

I am precise in whatever I do, but can rarely do away with suspicions. I hardly smile and yes, I avoid conflict but get irritated when things do not happen. I yearn to run away from home but as this is not possible anytime soon, find solace in blogging, gym etc I have some old friends but take my time to make new.

I guess I am more of a dreamer who mostly lives in dream deferred

Monday, July 13, 2009

Life sucks

Life is neither a bed of roses nor an odyssey of eternal ecstasy and at times life does fuck you hard. I guess everyone has their own share of fucking moments which end up pinching somewhere, but they actually pinch harder when repeated often

* You log on to Facebook and see photos of good, horny, party moments from folks you know and start despising your mundane life. Those foreign vacations seem distant, rocking parties seem to never happen, lovely cleavage displaying chicks will stare at you only from your laptop monitor. You know it feels worse when offer is actually tempting…if you know what I mean

* A feedback session is held among your co-workers asking for anonymous feedbacks about team members, if they want to share any. Bouquets and brickbats fly thick and fast but later when feedback is individually shared, you discover you figure nowhere with no mention in things either good or bad. Talk of team presence!

* Everyone desires share of wine and women and you are denied both. Former is restricted to outings with friends, where I end up covering for the missed out part; while latter’s presence in my life is similar to that of rose in a desert.

* HDFC is punctual to mail bank statements on time but each time you loathe at the pittance you make. Thanks to the economy you can’t even think of a job change now, and end up as spectators while your peers continue minting dough

* You enjoy watching porn and floating in ecstasy but realize will have to wait to taste the real thing till you get married or someone comes round as a sport or if everything else fails, give the paid variety a try. Few days back, loitering outside Metro mall I saw a broker fixing a deal, phew the chick did look maal

* You have finally reconciled to your workplace and in a depleting economy, can see the brighter picture; but coming back home doesn’t bring too many smiles, though comforts are available in plenty. I guess its better to be without luxuries in life than without warmth in relationships.

Now when you think of all that, doesn’t life suck?

Friday, July 10, 2009

What I like/dislike about myself – some questions

Yesterday I attended a Personal Effectiveness Training at my office, which was a day-long affair consisting of games, team-building exercises and other know-yourself-better activities. As part of this all participants were given a ‘Self Acceptance’ sheet, wherein we had to analyze ourselves and write about how we like/dislike ourselves. The sheet actually had only two questions, but my responses were long-thought out and by the end, had raised more unanswered questions about myself in my mind

Make a list of at least ten positive attributes you possess
1. Avoid causing harm to others
2. Very straightforward
3. Simple outlook
4. Academic bent of mind
5. Enjoy reading well-written books
6. Interest in politics and current affairs
7. Spiritual inclination
8. Disciplined life/no awaarapan
9. Command of English language
10. Not spendthrift

Make a list of things you do not like about yourself
1. Not helpful to others
2. Often stay in melancholy
3. Do not mix easily around
4. Poor hygiene
5. Sometimes egoistic
6. Do not smile
7. No proper hobbies/interests
8. Need to have more will-power
9. Lack a good physical attitude
10. Afraid of dogs

Now that did put some questions to me

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Undy bundy sundy

Today morning before taking a shower, I picked up my clothes from my cupboard before stepping into the bathroom. While doing so, I could not help notice the variety of underwears that have entered my cupboard off late. True most of them are the same, a band of elastic at top with bottom shaping up to cover my most valued assets; but they all are a bit different also, each carrying the sweat, toil and the unmentionable of different days.

Guess undies are the most intimate part of your attire. Nothing else covers you where it is required the most and nothing else, not even your Armani suit, are you actually so much concerned about the comfort and the fit. My gender is not alone in being choosy about the most important wear, the fairer sex also takes its time in picking up their panties & matching bras. But I envy them for the variety they have, we guys never wear anything sexy pink or with bright red roses in shades of fairy white. Also the panty cloth is much thinner than what we wear; perhaps they have to adjust somethings inside once a month

I have not bought much undies this year, though had bought a good stock last year during sale at City Center. Those were actually good ones with good fit covering my huge behind and enough flexibility in front for any hard-ons. Shopping for undies is also a personal effort, for no one will gift you these significant requirements; girlfriends also refrain from indulging here, unlike us pervert boys who never miss the mischief in anniversary gifts.

Like many others I am particular while buying undies, it has to have the feel and should not prick. Also I am not a big color freak, I like my ones to be dark colored, have never worn the whites ever. My favorite shades are black, dark green and steel grey. Perhaps it is easier to wash off the overnight semen from the darker ones, which explains my preference.

I have observed that there is always a hint of reticence when dealing with your most treasured garment. I guess I am not alone who smirks when pulling one on or when taking off shyly, all the time avoiding the mirror in front. Perhaps there is a coyness associated & felt by all when doing the dress/undress part, unless you are in the world’s oldest profession & have a professionalism attached to the whole exercise.

The one I am wearing today is a dark grey Classic Van Heusen, with folds in front (don’t know why they keep them still, I never feel safe pulling my organ out from there) and enough stretch or rather stretched behind. Do you remember which one you have on right now?

Thursday, July 2, 2009

A lot of shit happens

Last night had logged on to Facebook before retiring to bed, which is unusual for I am not a big fan of this latest craze. I was about to sign out when suddenly a chat window opened, with an old classmate/flame/bomb on line. She was earlier working with Taj in Mumbai & Delhi & is now in UK, having eloped with a chef. However I never knew the conversation would be so eventful, fascinating excerpts reproduced below

She: Hey wassup?

Me: Nothing you tell…kya ho raha hain

She: Kucch nahin…missing old life

Me: Yeah…must be missing your people

She: Little bit….also remembering good old days at work

Me: Ohh….i know, you had a good time at Taj Colaba & Mansingh

She: Trust me I did….lot of fun, masti, gossip….also scandals

Me: Scandals….in the hotel?

She: No…not with staff yaar….guests, short time visitors from bollywood J

Me: Be specific. Can’t get you

She: Arre yaar, these glamour chics used to come for a shot

Me: So…..(confused)

She: U r too seedha

Me: That I am….but how is this related to your gossip??

She: A lot of shit happens….short time room bookings with NRIs, honchos, politicians etc

Me: Ohh….you mean flings

She: But well paid ones….VJs, actresses etc…some were frequent

Me: So you know all this juicy gossips….

She: I am still in touch with few guys who used to arrange this…

Me: You are….how can you be….

She: Arre sab chalta hain…..many times we made remaining payments….I myself have done the cash transfers

Me: Who all used to come??

She: Abbey saare aate they……tujhe koi chahiye ho to bol…Riya, Celina, Sophie, Kashmira, Mahima, Roshni…

Me: So you were in all this trash…..(Infuriated)

She: Haan agar yahan nahi aayee hoti to shaayad main bhi….

I first puked but later shagged like hell