Thursday, July 29, 2010

Idea of a great day

*Get up from wrong side of bed and discover you did not sleep alone

*Reach office to discover boss is on leave

*Check bank balance and find a large interest credited

*Receive surprise mail from old flame

*Office grapevine says you are on way up

*Have a sumptuous lunch free replete with good wine and women for company, find your feet tugged from below the table during the luncheon

*Uncharacteristically you grab the hint and having your dream escapade, albeit a short one, in the nearby loo

*You find free gift vouchers lying unattended only for you

*Are invited to a happening party where you get sloshed till the drain gets clogged

*Watch Wild Things uncensored

*Your best friend decides you deserve better in life and gifts you a tasty smooch

*Seeing you want more she gets eager and readily unhooks her bra

*You see fat missing from your ribs and find some of it converted to muscles

*MTV is running re-runs of old, old episodes of Loveline – the ones in which you had chatted with Malaika, during your only days of heartache

*Your pals invite you to holiday along at beach resort that too at unbelievable prices

*Unearth an unopened bottle of Jack Daniels from the wine closet, after all Mr Daniel is an old buddy

*And lastly you realize this is just the beginning of good times

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Uff ye garmi

Muscat is undoubtedly one of the hottest places I have set foot on and I am not at all enjoying this fucking unbearable heat. Anyone witnessing the sauna type climate for first time is sure to have his balls burnt (literally) and would anyday like to jump in an ice pond. Don’t believe, judge yourself

*Water for bath has to be collected night before since water available in morning taps is boiling hot. Also its better to cool the collected water with ice-cubes so that its somewhat bearable next morning

*Pickles, bread and all other eatables have to be kept in fridge, otherwise be ready to eat fungus infested or naturally burnt food. Imagine eating cold pickle or icy bread

*Before leaving Delhi I had planned of purchasing sunglasses from one of the swanky malls here. In hindsight it was a bad decision as due to initial exposure to the blinding sun my eyes have literally burnt and are now full blown black. I won’t be surprised if anyone seeing me starts ye kaali kaali aankhein…

*Skin on my balls has started wearing out what with all the sweat accumulating down there. I initially used talc powder to absorb the drippy sweat but it seems the enormous sweat pouring out easily beat the soft powder making my balls resemble outgrown vegetation. Fuck I have even forgotten the name of ointment to be used and am too embarrassed to ask anyone around. But the irritation of sweating balls is no joke, it can burn like hell

*6-7 bottles of water have to be consumed everyday else risk dehydrating yourself. Worse water is not free here like India and is actually more expensive than petrol. So along with your monthly expenses budget something for peene ka pani too

*A C always has to be kept at maximum limit but its no guarantee that you will be comfortable. Last night I had AC running at full blast but still felt the heat rubbing my round ribs and lovely ass

*As I said that AC does not solve all woes, so even in an air-conditioned car you continue to feel roasted. Although sweating will not occur under a running air conditioner, but it will not diminish the heat much and legs and limbs will continue to experience that burning sensation

Now is there anyone willing to join me in this interesting weather?

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Describing life partner

Please describe your desired partner in few words

I was stumped upon seeing this while uploading my matrimonial profile and stumbled many times before I could draft a reply. Infact after so many corrections I finally gave up and only wrote: Its difficult to describe the partner you are looking for as cannot say I want A,B or C; I believe at end of day its two individuals clicking together and contently living with each other. It honestly doesn’t matter what or from where she is coming from, as long as we are compatible and share the same passions and aspirations from life. But if I have to specify, I am looking for someone broad-minded, generous, compassionate, trustworthy, caring and preferably having spiritual bent of mind. A person having interest in current affairs and intellectual stuff will gel well with me

Now I never thought before in my life what my partner should be like nor did I ever have any picture in my mind. Sure I have been attracted to females, and many of them for that matter, but that attraction may not have been to the total person as such. Getting attracted is easy, and men easily fall for hot stuff if subtle hints are dropped but can this attraction endure the test of time? Or for that can any relationship stand on solid strength for long? Maybe not, or maybe not easily, for if they were actually solid then break-ups wouldn’t have been the order of the day

Perhaps a reason relationships fail is because we allow them to fail, expecting or thinking the other person to be what he/she is actually not. And then there are other fulfillments sought which may not be critical but is somewhere important. Lust and passion are vital to keep the fire burning; I will not deny that I yearn to taste nice boobs. However more important than lust and from where lust stems from, is the chemistry between two people. Many times the fire extinguishes because the chemistry fizzles off and what started off as a roller coaster of excitement degenerates to a stale rigmarole of monotonous existence.

However this piece is not about relationships but about what you expect or want your partner to be. Some of the common answers I found were the clich├ęd honest, caring, truthful, sincere etc. and expectedly nobody wrote hot, passionate, sexy. For me I would really expect my partner to be someone I get along with well and someone I can relate to at some level. A couple I honestly adore is Andre Agassi and Steffi Graf, both of them knew each other for long and when towards end of their careers they did come closer, both gave each other space and ensured their companionship succeeds. Both had their fingers burnt in past and knew the troubles of fame; only towards end of their tumultuous yet successful careers they found solace in each other. It was not a teeny booper romance by any stretch and it succeeded because both came from same profession, similar careers and respected each other for what they were

Honestly there have been females I have been with in past who I thought could turn out to be good companions, though each for a different reason. However one thing common to them all was that they were all wonderful human beings, and I guess thats what actually matters at end of the day

Monday, July 12, 2010

Thinking of dreaded R

Last evening I uploaded my profile on a matrimonial website, I don’t know why I did so and still can’t understand what exactly made me go for it. Perhaps it is the pangs of lonesomeness engulfing me off late, perhaps I now have some sort of a life which can be taken forward, or perhaps I am only testing waters. Whatever be it but sometime back I could have never imagined myself doing this but I guess something’s changing somewhere

Previously I was scared of alliances, I still am to a certain extent, and could never fathom why sane folks tie the dreaded knot. I am aware life is better when shared but life can be hell too when controlled and I can vouch for that. Matrimony is a double edged sword which can bring unlimited bliss if the coupling is right but can also cause heartburning agony if compatibility is missing. It doesn’t fucking matter if what you do is tenable or not, as long as both are in it, it works; I know of couples who swing and swap partners, hire professionals for threesomes, help their partner seduce and get laid, but they are in perfect harmony. I am also aware of perfectly reasonable people with the best of intention whose alliance fails to take off if frequencies do not match

Perhaps a reason folks do go for belling the cat is because some thing somewhere does want it. After all how long can you sleep alone? You need someone to sleep with, hold in your arms, make love at night, rub skin with, and also importantly be friends with. But don’t get me wrong here, its not physical thing alone which matters, I have been physical before but its completely futile if its without emotions. It’s a different feeling altogether when there’s someone on top, tongues rubbing with each other and eyes staring into yours in close proximity. This is someone who cares, who shares, who you can have a good time with and who never bites

In a sense entering a relationship is akin to boozing, both give an initial high and promise a real good time, but once you have too much of it trouble starts. Only the best and matured quality can be sustained for a long time else it can ruin no end. The worst part is no one except you can help if the addiction is bad and you end becoming the butt of jokes around.

All said and done, humans were not born to be alone and everyone does take a chance once, so whats wrong if its with the dreaded R

Thursday, July 8, 2010

Coming soon - Aged 30 years

What does approaching 30 mean?

I have been asking myself this question many times past days. Surely there are turns associated with each age – as a kid fantasy fascinates, as a teen opposite sex and sex fascinates, during 40s there’s a middle-age crisis with men and menopause with women, but turning 30 – what does this mean?

Maybe approaching 30 means getting your act together, settling down in profession, seeking stability in relationships, body becoming less athletic, becoming a man finally having outgrown the boy and maybe, just maybe, have a permanent partner to share and care. There is an age when flings fascinate (they never cease to fascinate, moreso ones with no strings attached but there’s an age when they seem end of world) but there is also an age when you want to settle down, perhaps relax with someone at end of arduous journey

I know of many of my acquaintances, moreso the female ones, who have been robbed of their sleep if they are not settled down when dreaded 30 approaches, no matter how well they are doing professionally. And it is not limited to conservative India only, many chicks settled in West too feel left out if not tied up somewhere. Surely this craving is not for physical needs alone; sex is easy these days having lost sanctity with everyone from school girls to bored housewives freely indulging, its perhaps of something more. Something which I struggle to find words for, something you feel missing out, something you feel its time

Maybe approaching 30 means a change in status, when you no longer want to live in that bachelor pad but have some your own stuff, be looked upon as Anil Kapoor rather than Ranbir Kapoor, when that blazing orange T shirt looks a bit odd, when porn pics seem to bore, when you seriously begin to plan your finances and lastly you begin to think for whom should you plan

Maybe turning 30 means a lot more, but why bother I still have more than a year to go

Saturday, July 3, 2010

My sins against gender stereotypes

Have been tagged any times previously but have been guilty of not obliging. However I am giving this a shot for one its interesting and two its by one of the sweetest bloggers around, that’s if you know Dipti

So here’s the tag – please list at least ten things you have ever wanted or done which your gender is not supposed to. And ones I am guilty of are:

1. Playing with dolls – I actually loved dolls, brushing their hair, chosing their dress, ribbons etc. I had collected about 5 dolls much to the amusement of my parents

2. Crazy about pink – I loved strawberry ice-cream and everything pink. I had a pink undie which I would wear day in and day out

3. Inquisitive about sanitary pads – I never knew what pads were meant for and periods only meant classes in schools. Whenever I asked Mom she would only brush it aside replying ‘later’

4. Liked playing kho kho than cricket – I never enjoyed playing bat and ball because I was never good at it, infact my team ensured I never got a chance to bat. I liked the company of softer girls and cute games they played (no pun intended)

5. Perfume – my parents had a good collection neatly kept on dressing table, from which I would get small sprinkles. Loved the fragrance

6. Trying my hand at knitting – many of the ladies visiting our wooden house used to keep their hands busy with two needles and balls of wool, making some endearing designs for warm sweaters, much required in snowy Kashmir. I was very charmed and wanted to replicate their acts but the skill is not easy to pick

7. Embarrassed at being kissed – I was first kissed accidentally while playing outdoors by a girl when in class IV, still remember her name Kanchan, I was so embarrassed that I hid my face. But the kiss was great – soft, silky and sexy. Actually will not mind a repeat these days

8. Sitting with legs on top of each other – I used to watch senior girls in school sit in front of boys hostel displaying their silky legs thinking in my innocence this stance to be more appropriate. I tried copying the posture, a habit which sadly stuck with me for long

9. Loved going to beauty parlors – as a kid I used to love visiting parlors with my mother and seeing those chinki girls do threading, facial and pedicure. I too wanted one of those for myself

10. Hated video games and gizmos – I was never and still am not, a big fan of gadgets or gizmos for I can never decipher them. I still don’t know and can’t recognize whats an MP3 or i-pod