Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Ladies only

Amazing how gender can alter the way one uses lot many things. A case in point is the toilets & the when & why they are used by both males & females. In my office each floor has two sets of toilet at end of each floor. As everywhere, gents & ladies toilets are adjacent to each other & in many cases doors face each other. Though both the rooms are similar in structure & perhaps have same number of loo outlets, no points for guessing which one has more users & generates more noise.

Ladies toilet is busy perhaps at all times of day & the boisterous voices keep emanating whenever a sizable number is inside. Times when it will be found to be most densely populated inside is morning, after lunch & evening. As a rule many females (including the hotter ones), visit loo first thing in the morning i.e. after entering office building & before logging in their workstations. Guess a beauty make-up & boob adjustment is essential before anybody sets eyes on them. After lunch men/gents/boys also visit the toilet, but it is the other sex who makes more noise inside their den, often commenting on their bosses, stud-resembling men, periods, latest discounts etc.

After smoking was banned in offices, evening visits in ladies toilet has thankfully reduced, for no mouth rinsing is required now. In my last organization many times I over heard whispers of saali sutta kidhar hain from the adjacent loo wall.

I must admit that peeping toms are found in both sexes; since both toilets in my floor face each other, it is almost everyone’s endeavor to put a casual glance in other direction before entering the one marked for use of one’s own gender. Curiosity I guess is common to all mankind (woman kind also), that’s why both the sexes are inquisitive in whats happening in the other toilet. No wonder the toilet sweeper is one of the most envied guys in the office, for he is the only male allowed to enter a zone clearly marked “Ladies only”

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Whirlwind weekend

Whoa...the past weekend just whizzed by in a jiffy. I was planning to post last evening but was sooo tired, could not find the strength to sit up & blog. So here I am writing from office on a relatively warm Monday morning, recounting from past two days.

Saturday afternoon I had planned to go out with an office colleague for beer & snacks, but the program got cancelled last minute as he had some other commitment. My beer deprived soul was craving for some drops of fostered kingfisher-like thuderbolt with a bud(weiser)dy, but being denied the same left me in some turmoil. I mean its too tough when you have actually programmed yourself to raise a toast & enjoy the froth of malted lager, to then stay back at home & watch TV. To compensate I went out for a tandoori lunch, a distant & poor replacement for the good times I had imagined with the King of good times.

Saturday evening I attended a marriage reception at JNU. It was of some family friend & since no one else could go, I was representing my family tree. JNU continues to amaze me, the way parts of it still remain in a time warp. The marriage was non-descript by all standards, however I got to meet some old folks whom I had not seen in a long time. Delhi atleast is better than Gurgaon in some ways; it allows you to meet some of your kith & kin, unlike the Millennium city which remains elitist & snobbish. The difference between the two places is just like difference between a mall & a bazaar; mall will always have more glitter while a bazaar will provide more utility.

Sunday morning I attended & participated in Toastmasters Area level contest, where I was part of Table Topics. The event stretched on for a long time which I had not anticipated. I could only manage to run by 3:30 in afternoon after reaching the venue at 10 in the morning. However must say the event was enjoyable & some of the talks delivered were really good. Also there were a couple of cute young chicks attending perhaps first time. One of them spoke about tasting alcohol first time when she was in college, which put my imagination to fire thinking about a cocktail of this hottie with another cocktail. The only embarrassment perhaps for me was being the only one to turn out in casuals while almost everyone else was smartly attired in business formals. Point noted, next time forget Sunday dressing for such affairs.

Late afternoon I went for a movie Valkyrie starring Tom Cruise. The film is surely worth watching, which tells the story of an assassination attempt on Hitler while beautifully capturing German war splendor. I wonder why such films are not made in India, for the only Hindi films that I can recount is either a so-called fresh Gen Y film, which ends up as a feel good candy floss or some tried & tested formula film with a predictable storyline. Perhaps I will get to see something better soon, for I may be watching the long-delayed watching Slumdog Millionaire today evening, as news of its doing well at Oscars is just trickling in.

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Clear & present danger

Life these days in office is like sitting on doorway to hell. Since the job cuts have been announced, a perpetual fear seems to have gripped everybody here. We know we are in excess, we know we do not have much work to do, we know we come under a redundant job code, we know excess flab like us will be trimmed, worse we know there are no jobs in market. Knowing all this, coupled with the ongoing lay-offs in my workplace & almost everywhere else, has put everyone’s balls on fire.

Everyday after reaching back home, first question asked is if there is any news on job front. In office, amidst the growing tension, the shrinking face of boss, seen through his window each time he looks our way, adds fuel to fire. Also with almost no work in office, talk on everybody’s lips is of the impending catastrophe. Now that it is certain some jobs in our unit will also be axed, everybody’s destiny is on test here.

Since the everyday routine of work is also non-existent, all talks during frequent coffee breaks & deliberate time-engaging meetings drifts to who will go & who will stay. Suddenly everyone here seems to be an expert in manpower planning & budgeting, with new theories of organization future plan cropping up everyday. Personally my options if I get chucked here is to become a freelance blog commenter, a bartender or a gigolo…only things which I can perhaps do well to either pass time or to earn my own dough.

One thing I have learnt from this clear & present danger is that if life fucks you, it fucks you hard.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Of course I love you...my latest read

My latest read has been a small book titled “Of course I love you…till I find someone better”. It is a young book written by two youngsters, both of whom started their corporate careers recently. The credits mention authors to be Durjoy Dutta – looks like a stud in photograph & Maanvi Ahuja – a hot, pretty thing. Apparently story of the novel is their own – the guy is a DCE pass out, while the chick has just come out of SRCC. The plot revolves around the main character – Deb, a young stud from a middle class service Bong family who is a lady killer in night & student of DCE during day. Infact he has been making out with so many females that he himself has lost count. The book details his sexcapades in different parts of Delhi, with him fucking innocent, college going classmates in middle of night at vintage locations of Central & South Delhi. His exploits continue till he meets a beauty of a female Avantika, who has a history of alcohol but is now sober & residing in SRCC hostel. They both fall for each other & their romance (& sex) continues. Also giving them company is a group of friends, having the usual characters you will find in a college gang, two punjabi studs, one nerd, one hot chick who mouths abuses liberally & also sleeps with anybody around.

How these youngsters managed to get the book published was because of some blog they used to write, which detailed out their sexcapades & caught attention of some publisher, amongst a large number of readers (wonder if my blog will ever get this fortune). Strange because they are very open & explicit about their sexual adventures & after reading, making out seems a very natural, normal thing to do in school & college. I am aware that youngsters in Delhi have very less inhibitions these days & many students do make out, visit prostitutes, shag together etc but never knew it was so open. I passed out from DU about six seven years back, but never came across such sluts being accepted as normal. True, girls were bold, especially Modernites, who discussed everything from their boob size to maximum length of my dick but no open physical invitation was ever given. In fact Hindu College hostel allowed girls to visit & many spent nights with their boyfriends, drank alcohol with them, saw porn together with group of classmates etc but that was that. Never, at least till I was there, was college & hostel ever a ground for abandoning moral inhibitions altogether & seeking new orgies every time.

Atleast one positive in the well written book is the depiction of Art of Living. Good to know that youngsters are taking this positive path more & more, & understanding self, life & universe, much like it has happened with me. AOL is perhaps the only savior of today’s lifestyles & helps make correct judgment in times of uncertain outcomes.

Well one thought which did crop after this read - If the adventures & open sex mentioned is all too real & happening now in Delhi, perhaps I was born a bit too soon!!

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Valentine's Day originated in India

Fowarded by a friend; thought of sharing with you all

In spite of what you have been told by everyone, the truth is that Valentine's Day originated hundreds of years ago, in India, and to top it all, in Gujarat !!

It is a well known fact that Gujarati men, specially the Patels, continually mistreat and disrespect their wives (Patelianis) . One fine day, it happened to be the 14th day of February, one brave Pateliani, having had enough "torture" by her husband, finally chose to rebel by
beating him up with a Velan (rolling pin). Yes....the same Velan which she used daily, to make chapattis for him....only this time, instead of the dough, it was the husband who was flattened.

This was a momentous occasion for all Gujarati women and a revolt soon spread, like wild fire, with thousands of housewives beating up their husbands with the Velan.
There was an outburst of moaning "chapatti-ed" husbands all over Anand and Amdavad. The Patel men-folk quickly learnt their lesson and started to behave more respectfully with their Patelianis.

Thereafter, on 14th February, every year, the womenfolk of Gujarat would beat up their husbands, to commemorate that eventful day.The wives having the satisfaction of beating up their husbands with the Velan and the men having the supreme joy of submitting to the will of the women they loved. Soon The Gujju men realised that in order to avoid this ordeal they need to present gifts to their wives....they brought flowers and sweetmeats. Hence the tradition began.

As Gujarat fell under the influence of Western culture, that day was called 'Velan time' day.
The ritual soon spread to Britain and many other Western countries, specifically, the catch words 'Velan time!'. Of course in their foreign tongues, it was first anglisised to 'Velantime' and then to 'Valentine'. And thereafter, 14th of February, came to be known as Valentine's Day!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Cost cutting...

Today morning I wanted a few print outs of a few mails, but found the printer not responding. Tried again but of no avail. Checked the printer connectivity, server name, documents in queue…nothing deviant detected. Called up the IT experts & was told some of the printers have gone slow & are not responding. Apparently my organization has not renewed contract with the HP vendor due to cost-cutting & as such some printers may default soon!

Some of the cost cutting measures adopted at my workplace are simply amusing & baffling, to say the least. Below highlighted are some innovative, dollar pruning mechanisms adopted by arguably one of the world’s largest corporations:

* Coffee machines on each floor have been reduced. Instead of two on each end, only one survives. The earlier robotic advanced versions have also been done away with. Instead a simpler, tap-resembling chaiwallah type machine is in place.

* The tea bags have been reduced & some of the flavored varieties no longer survive. No more ginger tea, cardamom tea, mint tea etc. Only one standard Brooke Bond tea bag.

* Lights are to be put on only when required. Infact few days back my manager’s cabin was so dimly lit, I thought he may not be in. On closer scrutiny I discovered him very much inside, working only by the glow of the PC screen.

* As per a new policy all mails more than three months old will be automatically deleted from the mailbox. Apparently maintaining all mails on the server is consuming too much of server space, which the organization may not afford very easily.

* Few days back I ordered tea for all participants in a training program. I was asked for a charge number since there will be no more free tea service in the office.

* The new office was supposed to have a gym soon. As the story goes, the proposal for the same was torn to bits by the visiting President last month.

* Company newsletters will no longer be published. Only a soft copy of same will be released on intranet, which all employees can access every month.

* Cream biscuits are no longer served to guests or for that matter anyone. Perhaps you guessed the reason why

* Office stationery is no longer easily available. May require a lot of sifarish for an HB pencil.

* Free late night drop for employees staying late has been done away with. If you are required to stay late, you are your own responsibility.

Going by these trends very soon we may find an organization wide appeal for donating generously to the Company Relief Fund, with donation boxes kept at reception accompanied by pictures of dollar crumbling, stock markets burning & employees crying!!

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Party at Buzz

First things first. Had a department meeting in the morning wherein it was confirmed that lay offs are a reality & HR is not insular from other units & will be affected by lay offs also. There was total silence round the table & perhaps the only question everyone had: who & when? It comes as no surprise, as the news was widely expected but now everyone will have to watch their stars.

In the evening there was an office bash at a nearby pub, Buzz in DLF City Center. Imagine lay offs being announced in the day & same set of people partying in the night! As usual I was one of the earliest to arrive & perhaps also one of the most excited. Buzz has a great ambience inside & the dim lights do give a nice feel. We had reserved the sofas near the entrance, for our group to make hay. To start with there was no whisky of my choice, no Signature, Vat 69, Peter Scot, Royal Challenge. Only Teacher’s, Blender’s Pride, Black & White. Ugh…tried a new thing, Bacardi Reserva, a dark colored rum; thankfully it tasted good. Fortunately smoking was allowed, so got a new pack of Gold Flake Lights to give company to Bacardi. It surely must have given good company, 10 sticks with 8 Bacardi large. More snacks was ordered as everybody started trooping in. As the grooving started & dance floor got crowded I moved towards ice bar to get my stick lighted, where I noticed a fair colored, sleeveless, flirty eyed hot thing enjoying a smoke & eyeing me. I returned the eyes, when she commented that I was staring at her. I replied yes sweetie I am staring. I returned back to my place & continued with my merrymaking. I went again after sometime & found her again making stares. I too ogled at her to my heart’s content & also interjected some comments with stares. She too reciprocated with her share of comments, but before there could be any further progress the bouncer intervened & took me away.

By this time I must have been completely sloshed. Perhaps one thing I could have refrained from was commenting on another colleague, who was enjoying her vodka. She was dressed in a pretty outfit which revealed her legs. I complimented her on the shiny texture & told her how they reminded me of hot chocolate fudge! Luckily there was no one listening around & she left soon.

Soon I was having a ball on the dance floor, which had become completely crowded by now. I was enjoying my smoke & drink, when I thought the middle of the dance floor was a better area to be in. While moving there I was suddenly grabbed by the bouncer, who dragged me straight outside. I didn’t know what was happening, as I saw my boss & other colleagues too come rushing behind us worried. Before the bouncer could deal with me, they jumped in & stared pleading on my behalf. Chhota hain, chhod do…my cigarette was extinguished & I was taken in & made to sit on a single sofa. I didn’t get up after that & when I asked others what had actually transpired, I was told that my ciggie had hurt someone. Perhaps a part of the indignation for the bouncer could also be earlier incident with the pretty white smoking staring chick.

When the party ended I was on an absolute high. Perhaps I should have drunk some plain water along with the 8 x 60ml Bacardi Reserva. I don’t remember where & when I was dropped late in the night & the next morning I am still nursing a massive hangover. The omelet in the morning burnt on my tongue & I still have tobacco lurking in my numb mind. I had slept with my shoes on, which I noticed only after waking up. Next time will have to careful – difficult to compromise on Bacardi, so better go without footwear!!

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Death knell mail

What the fuck. Came to office today morning & switched on my system, as I do everyday. Couples of usual mails to be sorted then move on to work, as usual. No different from any other day, except a mail from Corporate Announcements. These mails usually announce new projects, changes at strategic levels, happenings in US head office etc. This time the mail is from Chairman of the corporation from San Francisco & over six seven paras highlights present day economic tough times & ends with announcing reduction in workforce. The mail has literally set the cat among the pigeons & all faces across all the floors look a picture of gloom. It appears there is a tragedy awaiting or as if we all are working in a concentration camp. The tension is palpable & those in recently clearly know they are on the firing line.

The engulfed panic set the tone for rest of the day. A meeting in morning got over early & only when my unit employees were left, talks veered off to the morning mail. Seems I am not the only one who has read the mail, written in immaculate language, over & over again. The way the mail sequentially explains economic imbroglio & logically ends with the dreaded words, it seems lay off is only days away. Had an official lunch in afternoon followed by another meeting. The biryani served in the lunch never tasted so insipid before, & even as I have just returned from the meeting finishing early, don’t know if I should now get back to work, for don’t know how long will anybody work here!!

Monday, February 2, 2009

What I did past weekend

The past weekend was eventful & had glimpses of action attached with it. For one I did not get bored sitting at home, but did have occasions to do stuff I liked. Friday evening my cousin was supposed to come from Delhi before he leaves for Bangalore final time. He eventually turned up on Saturday morning, so had to take him around, talk about his future, give my two cents of stupid advice & finally see him off. In the evening had to attend a colleague’s wedding in R K Puram. Normally I would have gone without any cribs, but was more happy this time as I was getting a pick n drop by another colleague, so Scrooge dear saved on fuel (my old miser self). However the route taken was not the best of lot as Mehrauli road was unusually crowded. So had to sit on back seat for two hours staring at the faces going back home from the car window & listening to new soundtracks on FM. Some of the music out these days does sound interesting, especially a new soundtrack “Yeh Dilli hain meri jaan…” from Dilli 6. Saw the visuals of this song a few days back, must say the director has captured the colors of Delhi with its charms of Janpath & Old Delhi thrown in. Any body who has spent his college life in Delhi will easily relate to the splendors shown in the video.

After spending two hours crawling on the MG Road finally reached destination after two hours. The marriage was non descript by all standards, the venue being an MCD baratghar. Invitees were also limited & the celebration style was also recession-hit reduced. Add to it no liquor was served, though I could spot a watchman-lookalike grandfather-type old man takeout a bottle of 8 PM at one corner. On enquiry I was told with all due curtness, that it was reserved for only guests from guys side. The saving grace was all the office crowd was together & my boss asked me if I would like to join him for a smoke outside the pandal. Neki aur pooch pooch…I trooped outside & enjoyed puffing the silk cut stick in the cold night. Unexpectedly boss dearest started a conversation about office mood & wanted to know my take on it. I was candid enough to admit that lay-offs have created a sense of panic & the uncertain times are not sources of elation for anyone. Unless some fears are dispelled, the scary anticipation of management sword will continue. However buttery me did not leave any opportunity of praising MyLord either. I appreciated boss’ leadership & how things have changed since he took over.

Sunday morning attended Toastmasters meeting, after waking up at a lazy 9 AM. The meeting continued for a good two-three hours as there was a contest this time. I surprised my self by speaking well & getting a prize in Table Topics, the extempore competition. Whoa could not believe it, but felt really elated after winning. In the evening saw Luck By Chance at PVR with a family friend & Mom. I had two females with lovely asses sitting right beside me, who commented uninhibitedly on Farhan’s cute face. Perhaps they knew I was their ass admirer, for they grew quiet after my few stares in direction of you-know-where. Before sleeping caught on few videos on net from L word, perhaps it’s a TV series in west on Lesbians. Must say they do have some saucy stuff, especially some make-out scenes look elegant, not the usual run of the mill porn you get to see.