Thursday, July 7, 2011

Better to be away

Few days back I received disturbing news of demise of an acquaintance from India. At first I was a bit down but got over soon however what made me think hard was the strange behavior of her brother, a childhood chum of mine. After their father’s suicide, for no apparent known reason till now, my friend had abandoned his family and relocated to a distant city refusing to return ever. All pleas by his grieved family to come back fell on deaf ears with him even refusing to even recognize his folks, a pledge he maintained to an extent that he bizarrely skipped the last rites of his deceased sister. Perhaps he may have discovered some dark family secrets after his father’s suicide which may have prompted his self-imposed exile but we will never know

Another example which rushes to my mind is of a cousin living in Delhi who too left his folks and moved out to Dwarka following a tiff at his place. He also has been pleaded frequently to return but he too remains adamant never to come back and I am somewhat convinced that he too will never walk back

Now its no secret that I too am not excessively fond of my people back home and was long craving to leave dusty shores of dear motherland but thankfully I had the option of coming out for career reasons. Being a working professional comes with a perk of exploring options in different parts of the world and even exploring an alternate career which may at times bring you to an alternate city. Coming back to the new fashion of abandoning home, I could not help but think how many of those languishing in dysfunctional families back home would actually be yearning to run away. The above two examples are extreme for both of them perhaps had no options with neither having a good career to talk about, which limited their options of moving out with grace or valid reason. In a way I am grateful that I moved out, albeit a bit late, but without any unnecessary acrimony or rancor which could have spoiled the already delicate relations irreparably

However I must confess that past some time has been a bit different for me; although I still feel the painful pangs of sour relations but I guess distance has smoothened and balmed things in a way. The earlier abhorrence and resentment is still there, and may continue for some time, but it doesn’t come with that earlier gargantuan force now. What may have contributed to this good change, apart from the obvious distance, is that now I am looking forward to some good things in life like future spouse, holiday in Europe etc and also have a somewhat better career here. I guess time and distance do heal things somewhat, which may thankfully be the case with me too; but I guess for harmony and acceptance to first set-in, it is always better to be away

14 comments:

  1. I can never ever abandon my family. No matter what, NEVER EVER

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  2. I could never do that, I have had sour relations with relatives and I am very aggressive but when i visit india I make it a point ot meet every one cause you never know when they wont be there anymore or maybe I wont be there anymore ..

    Distance is good but as you say it also smoothens the hurts sometimes ..

    I miss everyone even my enemies ..

    Bikram's

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  3. Sometimes things do get bad....but i believe family is family! I m sure they who abandon their families must have very strong reasons to do so.

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  4. to an extent i agree with you. But on the other hand i certainly believe that people need not abandon their families. all we need is a li'l more patience and accept other people and the changes which time brings in them. muchual effort need to be put in .

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  5. I agree with you on the point that sometimes distance can help more than being constantly together can. But at other times, you also need to spend time with the person/people to reconnect and remind yourself that you're lucky enough to have them :)

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  6. a depressed person might do that in a former case and sometimes self respect forces a person to maintain a lot of distance,
    people might call these people 'cowards', but they don't know the story behind the pain which makes them take such steps,
    human beings can't always be courageous and for you, I hope you get married soon.
    distance might balm relations but Out of sight could be out of mind too.
    take care :)
    hope you get the best in life.

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  7. Distance makes heart grow fonder?

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  8. I for one agree with you :D Distance does help in patching up some relations

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  9. I can understand your point here.I personally know many people who chose the same route and that actually went in their favor. had they remained back there, the bitterness in their relations wouldn't have helped anyone's' case. Now atleast at a distance they can appreciate their families in a different light, space has given tolerance to both the parties.

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  10. its better to be away and stay happy then stay with the loved ones and suffer:)

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  11. Distance is relative..
    well..actually depends on the relative..

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  12. yes, i agree with most of the comments here. it is difficult to sever ties with your family. In most cases i think that hsould not be done also....

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  13. good.. everything's working out for you :)

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