Thursday, August 9, 2012

Hope and Despair

Dear Dad

I am writing to you after long, maybe I should have written to you much before and not waited for this day when its been exactly a decade since you left this world; however its better late than never. I know even when you were around I did not write to you much, we were more used to having those silent conversations in the dining room which did not leave much unsaid

Looking back much has changed for me in these 10 years though much has remained the same also. I am still the same aloof person who is still unsure about himself; although I have started earning my own dough I am not too sure if I am where you envisaged me to be; but I am sure, like always, you would not be too disappointed with me

Now let me be straight, life has not been easy since you left; infact its been much harder from what I initially comprehended. The first few years after your departure were perhaps the worst of my life, even now I shudder at thought of those lifeless years, it was like seeing everything around come down which I thought was once unbreakable. I knew it would always be hard with you not around but never knew life can teach so much the dirty and wrong way

I am fully aware how you wanted to be around till I stood on my feet; I still recall those days in hospital when doctors had given up on you and how valiantly you fought death for 18 long days even in deep coma. I knew you fought and fought hard only for me, even in that door between life and death you were only asking for some more time so that your dear young son wouldn’t have it so bad; but Dad it was my destiny to have it this way, don’t feel so much for it

I guess we shared a very peculiar relationship of love-hate; though our communication was less but when I said that I love you on first seeing your lifeless form at your funeral I meant it from the depths of my being. Now when I remember you there are a lot of images which appear; however if there was one thing which stood you apart it was your very strong personality, its been sometime that I have been seeing this world from my own eyes and now I realize that you were indeed of a rare ilk. Although all along I was aware of that tenderness hidden behind that hard exterior which did make a rare appearance sometimes, you remain by far one of the few upright and righteous human beings I have met in this bad world. Not that you did not have any flaws but to travel the road you did, being at that high government position, required a lot of courage and sincerity

These past ten years I have learnt a lot from life and I know as I brace myself for the times ahead it will only get harder but then I am never going to be cowed down. If anything I would like to inherit from you, its your spirit of steel so evident in your all time favorite song “Duniya main hum aaye hain to jeena hi padega, jeevan hain zehar…..”

Enjoy yourself wherever you are like you always did

Your son


  1. This post makes me want to call up my dad and tell him I love him. Such displays of affection have never been a part of my family and I feel sorry for us.

    I'm sure your dad will be very proud of you, wherever he is.

  2. It would have been my dad's Birthday today had he not died 22 years ago,I don't know exactly where he is today because I don't know if he Believed in Jesus.The key is what we all Believe in order to Live.

    It's so good to see you can stand on your own two feet today,and I hope you will gain peace about your dad dying.

  3. Heart-wrenching and emotional words straight from the heart. Your father would have been very proud of you.

  4. Hey Pesto, I am here to say that all your comments so far have reached my spam box. I just saw them today. I am extremely sorry that I could not reply to any of your queries on Muscat.

    Sorry to hear about your license still not done. We have shifted to Qurum, earlier we were in Al Khuwair.

    I will visit your blog soon and then read the posts. Thanks for regularly commenting. I am sorry, I didnt see them earlier.

  5. Writing that post must have healed you as well, in a way. It was straight from the heart and well written.

  6. beautiful letter to your Dad..I am sure he is smiling a bigggg one!!


  7. Such a wonderfully emotional letter to ur dad...I am glad that u decided to write it here finally. I am sure ur dad still loves u wherever he is.

  8. a moment for all the dads in this world: sometimes we fight, sometimes we argue, sometimes we take them for granted, but this post reminds us to be grateful and tell them that we love them...

  9. This post is so sad yet so beautiful. Evokes all the emotions within.
    Lovely tribute to a your Dad. I don't know you but I'm sure he is very proud of you!

    ❤Not Just My Allegories❤

  10. Pesto,

    I am actually amazed to read this piece.. especially reading the coincidence and a replica of my life...I lost my dad too..almost a decade ago...and he was in coma when he silently passed away...It could be sheer coincidence I too had blogged about my loss sometime ago..well.. around the time you wrote..

    All I can say here.. is I absolutely understand how it is...

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