As someone looking for a life partner through the arranged mode many thoughts, views, suggestions keep pouncing in my mind and unsolicited opinions from self-proclaimed gurus further complicates the process. I know I am not the first one facing these dilemmas nor will I be the last but that doesn’t make it any easier for me
Chick from Delhi/other metros vs smaller cities – Metro girls are perceived to be fast, demanding and into boyfriends (not my humble opinion but what I hear from bade buzurg) while small town girls are more adjusting though what I have seen is the other way round - metro folks are more exposed and more in sync with life
Working vs non-working – I have been advised that housewives look after domesticity well while working wives are spendthrifts and do not share their incomes but instead send it to their parents. Again my observations are a bit different with all girls being shopping freaks across every breed and creed, better if she shops with own income. As far as sharing salary is concerned, it boils down to DNA of person - whether she wants to build a home with me or remain stuck with her parents
Staying with parents vs staying alone – girls staying with parents are thought to be more controlled, obedient and disciplined. Maybe true but a bit of independence can work wonders; caged existence is no good and breeds contempt, who knows it better than me
North vs South divide – now as someone having roots in South but having been bred in North a major dilemma with no clear answers is if to look in North or South. I maybe a Southie in terms of linage but I am a hardcore North Indian in terms of taste and living, so there is a language and culture issue with Southies but a caste issue with Northies. I myself don’t know which world I belong to, both being so different and contradicting (reminds of 2 States by Chetan Bhagat)
Modest family vs well to do family – again bade buzurg are of an opinion that someone from a modest background will be more adjusting and compatible than someone who ushers in own wealth. There may be some wisdom here but I have mostly seen humble originers become shopaholics and spendthrifts post-marriage, its a bit like atoning for something missed out
Lifestyle issues – now this something I may have to work out on my own for I am neither a party freak nor can I boast about having trendy friends but am also not averse to having a good time. Finding the right balance is tricky
In middle of all this basically what I am looking for is just a person with whom I can connect somewhere – am I demanding something too much?
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Awesome post! ....My bro married a gal outside our community, my family was totally against her..(all reasons above stated)...yet my bro went ahead and married her..and today I can proudly say one of t he best couples(11yrs of marraige) I have ever known...!My bro shares your views totally!
ReplyDeletecheers!
Captured Sunlight's brother was one amongst very few strong guys left.
ReplyDeleteWhen guys looking for a mate to-be-with before marriage look for independent/thinking/idea-of-equality metro woman and when it comes to shaadi, whatever they may think but the badhe buzurg 's advice come into picture.
However rational the guy might be, the old-world rules, still apply when it comes to matrimony. And thus lots of broken relationships and heart-breaks.
I guess this is the first time am ranting(all this) here. Coz am a hapless victim of such a mindset.
But you are starting afresh, so dont look at minor details. Have a basic idea of education / professions (so that both of you can manage well) possible.
And rest will click when you get face-to-face.
Do you analyse that deep "when you fell in love" ? Even a wedding should be as beautiful and heart-felt as love is.
And made-for-each-other partners take care of the rest.
Aren't we all? If only it was that simple.
ReplyDelete*sigh*
It is the best/worst decision one has to make(if at all).
Scary, I tell you,uber scary.=/
p.s: I not trying to scare you out of it.
Super interesting post! :) I feel that all the stuff that you've written above makes sense and is very practical...but we all know marriage and love are matters of the heart...when you find the right person none of this stuff will even matter! Btw I'm a north indian dating a guy from the south..although just like you he's never really lived there...sure there are differences in terms of language and culture etc but nothing that you can't easily overcome when you're in love!
ReplyDeletewow, pesto , u r really looking for a match
ReplyDeleteBaby's elder bro is 30 and still not married - looking for the right girl. Same prob with him too, I guess. Tu wohi to nahi? :p And c'moooon you're not being very demanding. Can't boil a person down to categories but it helps to have some guidelines. Look around. You never know when you'll find the one.
ReplyDeleteWaise wo phone wali ka kya hua? hehehe
Dude, This going to be useful 4 me someday!!
ReplyDeleteBut the funny thing is even after saying loads of variation we still stick to the popular beliefs....
well as for the connection part, if whatever I heard is right it may/may not happen...we will have to live with it
How trueee. So many issues. But first there has to be a spark. Then ofcourse anything can be managed :)
ReplyDeleteI dont think you are aking for too much...good luck on the hunt.
ReplyDeleteI found this post so pointless, to be frank. But I agree with whatever you've written. Yep, weird opening statements.
ReplyDeleteAnd oi! Hi5 bro at the Southie bred in North thing.
P.S. Im sick of coconut jokes on me though, xD
And- good luck on finding a nice bride for yourself. :)
Cheers!
I like the points you've put forth. It can't be easy, I'm sure. All the best though. I hope you find what you're looking for
ReplyDelete:)
Marriage is a necessary evil and one can't avoid it unless one decides to not walk down the aisle. Problems will occur post-marriage coz there is no foolproof way of making an ideal choice and there is no surety of things so just go by your gut feeling and be ready to face whatever happens later.
ReplyDeleteAll the best!
i like your way of thinking :>
ReplyDeleteyeah you guys just need to connect..
If you can connect to someone regardless of her location, her income, and lifestyle then consider yourself lucky. Nothing else matters once you've found yourself someone who understands you and accepts you for who you are rather than for who you can be. :)
ReplyDeleteDo they really make guys like you anymore??!! if you find someone similiar to you send him to me! :)
ReplyDeleteNice..nice..Nice observations
ReplyDeleteyou gotta look at things from a different vantage point
oh dear!! you've just asked for the most basic and yet hard to find thing. wish you luck. might have been on a similar ride (of sorts) except being far away from home has its advantages :)
ReplyDeleteI wish and hope and pray you get what you looking for :)
ReplyDeleteno you aint asking for nothing more than what an normal guy asks for :)
Bikram's