Yesterday morning I woke up in a foul and grumpy mood, which is not too unusual for someone trying to wipe out scars of a suppressive past and afraid to face the predicted acrimonious future. While getting ready for office and bathing under the shower dark thoughts of morbid past kept cropping up and my perpetual insecurity of having a future as joyless as some days in past kept raising its ugly head time and again. Thankfully when I moved into office I had a lot of work in store and being an HR guy many employee issues had to be sorted; while I was banging my head with some irate employees deep down I was also thankful that at least I have some respite from dealing with my own demons, work pressure is peanuts if you have dealt with depression ever, maybe not depression per se but that aloofness arising from uneasy relations.
By afternoon I was again about to slip into that dreaded sad and melancholic state, when I received a reply to my earlier e-mail from an old buddy. Now this guy was my colleague and langotiya yaar from previous job, who is now relocating to a nearby place in this part of the world from Bangalore. Seeing his mail made me jump with joy and after more exchange of mails, we started preparing our holiday plans; doesn’t matter if the holidays are still six months away. The first plan was for a suggested vacation in Seattle where we have another buddy; I called up US embassy here in Muscat but the long drawn Visa process and huge costs punctured my mood, now why on earth does this country have to have such Visa procedures even for a short visit! Next on line was London, but this guy has been there couple of times before so not sure if he would be game. I checked few other destinations in Europe, all too glamorous and expensive but c’mon this is going to be a real vacation, and for someone who has never been to West, a bit of cost should be okay. We ultimately decided that if nothing works out we will make a dash to Istanbul, cheap and nearby; so yours truly may (a big may that is) fly out in August
What was remarkable for me was that after back and forth exchange of these mails and the exciting travel plans being drawn up, my despair of morning had totally evaporated. After those two hours of frantic mail exchange post lunch and my promise to my buddy to show him cabaret bars around and our plans to raid some exotic international locale, I was so cheerful and excited that I myself was surprised. What had changed so soon was perhaps abhorrence and resentment giving way to fondness and liking; I am fond of my friend hence elated at the prospect of an exciting bachelor vacation, I despise some left behind folks so have been avoiding my visit to India though its due now
In life nothing matters as much as love; I love my buddy hence dance at his impending visit and the good times we are bound to share, I do not love some other folks so much whom I end up cursing. Its love that matters, rest all is worthless