Why 2009 has been a better year for me

*I was free from much of the mental irritation which had dogged me for the past couple of years. Believe me it was frustrating to live in a dysfunctional family and my constant efforts to look for a job away not bearing any fruit. Those days there were plenty of jobs around unlike today, hence my inability to hit jackpot was all the more painful. Moreso agony gets aggravated when you are surrounded by irrational souls and unable to get away. Gratefully 2009 saw some remission in these challenges and I was somehow able to maintain sanity. Also the coming year holds promise with the promised assignment in Muscat which I hope and pray fructifies

*2009 was perhaps the only year when I have not been on a job hunt or for that matter not even appeared for any interview. Thanks to the economy saving my skin was a prime achievement in a year which saw scores of folks my age and experience lose their livelihood. The global crisis has been nothing short of a catastrophe which thankfully did not escalate into anything more monstrous and appears to have been somewhat contained by now

*Of all the factors, what made 2009 better for me were the active pursuits I was involved in outside work. Toastmasters has indeed helped me learn and grow; flowering me into not only a better speaker but a more confident persona. Though it started as a weekend getaway but soon I was involved at a much deeper level and not to forget the innumerable friends and acquaintances I developed along

*2009 was also special for me as it saw me losing my virginity. Although it was a paid service but the thrill of venturing out and actually doing it was truly adventurous. In hindsight I don’t know if what I did was right or not, but now I have released that sex is more of want which cannot be denied and something inside will always crave and desire for that fulfillment. Also perhaps I should have shelled out more and afforded the sexy airhostess than settle for that yucky stinky chick

*Last but not least this blog has been a true companion for me this year. The unknown and some anonymous friends that I made here, whom perhaps I will never meet, have been a real solid moral and emotional support for me. I fail to recall anyone or anything else which has seen me through the crests and troughs like you all and always stood by me ignoring my stupid idiosyncrasies so stoically.

3 Idiots of my life

Over the weekend I caught a late night show of 3 Idiots at a nearby mall. I will not review the film here; suffice to say it is the most awesome film I have seen since Dil Chahta Hain. However after watching the film and relishing the college camaraderie depicted therein, it reminded me of the 3 Idiots in my college life. These three idiots were as dissimilar and diverse as Madonna and Mayawati, but sure I did have one hell of a time with them during those memorable years

The first Idiot, and my best friend, was a muscular Muslim guy and the most hilarious person I have met till date. Though he pulled down my pants often, irrespective of my like or dislike, but mind you I have never laughed as heartily with anyone else ever. He was a typical langotiya yaar, with whom one shared all stupidities of college life inside and outside campus and indulged in all non-sense behavior. I don’t recall anyone with whom I have shared my life so deeply and dearly as with this Idiot. He also had a sardarni girl friend; which was all the more interesring for the conflicts between his girlfriend’s devilish mother and him can become the subject matter of another blog.

The second Idiot was the quietest guy you can ever imagine. He was often referred to as a depressed soul, for he detested color and effervescence like anything preferring his own world of eternal staring into oblivion. Though in his heart he lusted for the bombshell chicks around, but he always retained his lifeless existence and never came out of his khadi loving world. After college he joined JNU, which was his perfect calling for it allowed him to live his dream life of a jhola clad research scholar. Last heard he was with National Security team in PM office!

The third Idiot was a character you can only find in comics and films, though I found him on the next bench. He was a Tam Brahm with oiled hair and wore shirts resembling Rajesh Khanna/Rajendra Kumar 70s films. The simplest guy ever possible, he never hung around in college and was a devoted violin player. Visiting his home reminded of old 50s era; the toilet in their government quarter had an Indian flush with only a drum of water for help. Sharman Joshi’s black and white home in the 3 Idiots film actually resembled his abode, complete with broken fans and dingy ambience.

Staying with them perhaps I was the biggest idiot, trying to find my feet and make sense of all that was happening around. However I must unabashedly admit that I indeed had the most unforgettable time of my life with them; the incredible tales I can recount will beat even the Chetan Bhagat novel. After all it is friends and the experiences one goes through together that make life, life

Muscat Calling

Yesterday I did receive the e-mail I was waiting for a long time; it was the offer letter from the firm based in Dubai. It was indeed a long and suspenseful wait, with my fears of many a slip between cup and the lip bothering me no end. I was interviewed in the beginning of the month and promised an offer then, but then it took three weeks more for the mail to come. Part of the delay was because my interviewer was vacationing in India and partly because job offers do not roll out that easily these days, due to the cautious outlook maintained by recession ravaged firms. Any how I am a lot relieved now, though upon calling them I learnt that my joining will take some time now, maybe February looks realistic. I also learnt that I will be based in Muscat, which I have heard to be a livable city, as this firm is looking to expand in other areas of Gulf what with UAE/Dubai being in slippery waters now.

I had been looking for a good international assignment for a long time and this one does indeed look promising. When I was completing my academics it was amply clear to me that I wanted to be in a Civil Service and if that was not to be, then work abroad with corporations. And moreover my dreadful condition for past three years has been such that only being away from home could emancipate me from the sheltered and restricted environs here. Also international assignments do pay handsomely and give an opportunity to build your own castle and be your own Sultan, something not possible in India where grown ups are also treated like kids.

I am too excited now and also cautious as I am yet to share this with anyone at home or office. It helps that no one at my place has an inkling of my getting this offer and I plan to keep it shrouded for long more so from Monster Mom. I honestly am scared of those silent curses driven by fears of younger son abandoning in old age, forgetting that he too is human and craves for his share of freedom. I am aware that life in Muscat will be lacking the material comforts of home but I will also gain a lot by way of exposure and experience, which I so dearly need

As the week starts after holiday break, I have my plate full of things to do. First my Passport has to be renewed though it has many months before it expires but want to complete this before departure. Plus my packing and things to buy list has to take off. I do not have any friends or relatives in Muscat, so a new city and a new country is going to be a challenge after all. As one of my favorite blogger recently wrote, life now has hope with a capital H and I am looking forward to it. I know that in all this experience and my journey to a new place my only true companion is going to be this URL and those visiting this space, whom I value so much

A good evening out

Last evening I was invited to a party by an acquaintance at her place. Although I am not much of a party animal and mostly prefer company of my laptop and blogs over these hang-outs and get-togethers, but I never turn down the few invites that come my way. This gathering was at the posh residence of an affluent family, which was complete with a pool and well connected with lifts. A live band was organized in the sprawling lawn, with all gathered hobnobbing round the bonfire

What was special about this gathering and left some memories were the gentry invited. First I met a Turkish tycoon, who was planning a New Year bash with exotic belly dancers. His wife appeared bored with life but on further enquiry I learnt she was running a rather successful business in Delhi and Gurgaon. She did show interest in me and I too empathized with her, boring and comfortable lives are not too tough to comprehend for me now. Next I met a color consultant, who was so flirty that at times I didn’t know where to look. But I must admit she had a nice cleavage with proper circles and a sporty husband who didn’t mind her rubbing noses with younger men. Next was a Swedish lady working for some stupid project in India but appeared enthralled with India and its mystic beauty. I did not converse much with her, three large Chivas Regal were taking their toll on me by then. There were also other pretty females around, all impressively dressed in exotic attires and on further introductions learnt of them pursuing interesting professions from playing golf to tea tasting. I started missing my cigarettes later, I yearn to puff around when on a high and some females around were smoking cigars, adding to my misery

One chick I met later started recounting her childhood tales and hostel stories. She mentioned of life in DPS hostel, when most of her dorm mates were exploring snorting grass. I wanted her to go on further, girls hostels are notorious places after all. Not that boys are less innocent, but those deprived more try to break free all the more. So right from group shags to lesbo make-outs to adam teasing, sab hota hain wahan

The party ended on time and I was dropped back safely. Though I caught sleep at a reasonable hour, the hangover from the high night still persists

My workplace sucks

The place I work is so dull and dreary with no excitement around that sometimes it becomes hard to believe I am actually in the glitzy Gurgaon and not a remote Indian city. This firm may be one of the largest corporations, but it does little to shed its old fashioned, old economy image and still retains its Second World War outlook. Not ready to believe, read on…

*Not allowed to hang around – employees are expected to stick to their workstations and not loiter around. Even tea and coffee breaks are not allowed beyond the time taken to fetch the cup, which is to be strictly consumed at your desk only. I feel so envious when I see employees of call centers hang around and the frequent smoke breaks they enjoy.

*No parties – expecting an office party in my workplace is like expecting snowfall in a desert, it will never happen no matter how hard you try or pray. The only event we have in the entire year is a stupid annual day, scheduled tomorrow, which is like a village fete. Thankfully since last year some members of my team have staged successful after-office escapades to Buzz, a nearby pub

*Very less females – any place becomes vibrant with good sprinkling of fairer sex and their display of fairness and sex. My firm has hardly any females and the few present are also condemn maal, perhaps refugees from Zaire. The place is so conservative that a secretary hired last year found her smoking in office to be totally unacceptable and vulgar

*Old and aged workforce – many times it feels as if I am in an old-age home with so many white hairs and aging folks around. Infact at times office chats veer to children, their school, homework and pain of in-laws. Phew

*No freebies – I strongly despise employees who work in firms giving perks to motivate their personnel, for in my place nothing except tea and coffee is free. Infact the cafeteria can be accessed only during lunch hours

However the good aspect is that in this dark recession I still have a good boss though that does not decrease my cribbing. I only hope to get away soon to a real corporate environ

Whom do you sleep with?

Over the weekend I had my Uncle visiting from Canada, which meant I had to vacate my room for him and sleep two nights in a different room and also in a different bed. Now I did not realize how intimate and personal your bed can be and how much it can be a part of your life, loneliness and fantasies until I wandered somewhere else. After all your bed is your personal space where you relax, sleep, dream, procrastinate and shag

On both the mornings after waking up, I found myself looking at the adjacent vacant bed as if expecting to find someone there. I know it is a heady feeling to sleep with someone, make love in the night, say sweet nothings in morning, the rubbing of the skin, twinkle in the eyes, sharing of dreams, later on looking for lost panties, expressions acknowledging the night and promising a better one next time around. Also its adds to the effect if you talk out what you like doing, preferred way of undressing, eyes looking big and staring in your face when kissing from top and also the efforts from both sides to increase, intensify and prolong the ecstasy

It is not the first time that I have longed for another body and soul to sleep with. While touring and staying in those posh hotels, often I have felt absence of a companion. Many times I have slept nude relishing the soft touch of satin sheets and rubbing of my nude body all over. I enjoy being nude at times, after all it is the most original form without any put-on pretence; I have been nude mostly when I am away and alone, all by myself and in my own world. During hostel days too, I used to be nude along with others for the group shags we had and if they did not work out, then impending make-out sessions

Exploring your body is not very different form exploring your mind. The way our mind seeks another mind that can understand it better and give it comfort, our body too wants another one to care, share and love. The touch, feel and the accompanying tingling sensations are unmatched fodder for the physical being and makes one complete the way nothing else can. Almighty may grant all your wishes but it is only a female who can fulfill those ultimate desires

Perhaps our body and night also determine our mind and day. The day usually follows the rigmarole of coming to work and carrying on with stuff as usual, except evenings which can be exciting at times; but it is how our body spends the night that makes the day more pleasing and of course, the night looked forward to

I know I am sounding a bit too that today, but why not after all its my 100th post

So Near Yet So Far

I often wonder what makes successful people what they are and why success eludes so many more who are no less deserving. All contenders start equal but some edge out others every time, leaving them resigned to their fate. How many times has it happened that final destination seems only a stone’s throw away and then recedes beyond reach? How frequently does it happen that so much has been achieved yet the final hurdle remains uncrossed?

In my life there are many jinxes who have done their bit time and again; and the much sought elixir has proved beyond reach but not before showing a lot of promise. During school days I used to do well in most quiz competitions and always lead in initial rounds but would invariably come second in the end. In later life too I continued to be an under-achiever and at times I feel my life is like India-Pak cricket match, where India would always play better but Pakistan perpetually snatched victory in the end

Last evening I had one of my recent acquaintances drop in and we chanted and prayed for a good time, post which I initiated a debate on why we tend to lose all after gaining so much. Why there are so many jinxes who plague our existence and rear their ugly head ever so often, depriving of well deserved success? Perhaps it is the law of cause and effect which acts in its own mystical manner and whose presence we all concur sub-consciously though may not accept explicitly. I honestly believe there are no coincidences in life, after all whatever goes around comes around.

Seeing the Holy Grail slip by so often makes me scared of success at times, for it appears to be a hazy illusion only to fade away later. I agree that there are and there will always be hurdles in every endeavor but sadly some remain insurmountable for a select few. You know it pains to lose, but it’s more agonizing to lose after coming so close

At times I am afraid that will story of my life always remain: so near yet so far

Bold and brash: a potent pull

Delhi Times of this Sunday carried a picture of Sushmita Sen on front page corner, anointed on top of her recent boyfriend who was carrying her through sea waters. It carried a caption that Sushmita did not want to get wet, so her boyfriend was carrying her on his shoulders. Now Sushmita is one female I really adore and admire, for she has really lived life on her own terms, which is all the more appreciable considering her middle class background. She won the Universe (literally) at age 18, her final answer – a woman is a person who teaches a man what loving, caring and sharing is all about – reflected a maturity beyond her years. Her foray into films may not have been as successful as others but she is still looked upon with admiration.

Significantly it’s her personal life which is worth emulating, for she has used and thrown men without much ado. Unlike other actresses who have been through unnecessary gossip, Sushmita maintains her own place and it is her men who are ditched and not the other way round. True she must have slept with many around, but she has never been into prostitution. Also she continues to be sexually attractive though off late she looks somewhat broader than required and wrinkles have appeared on face.

Also Sushmita is one of the few actresses who smokes openly and has never denied her nicotine addiction. In a country where female smokers are still frowned upon and only in select metros women can puff openly, Sush deserves kudos for her open admission. Even in Delhi – where Sushmita hails from, it is only in select hangouts, offices, schools and colleges that girls light up without fear.

Perhaps it is the boldness, confidence and independence which make females like Sushmita attractive. Men who have come into her life and who will follow later know she is not for keeps, but then her attraction is also irresistible. Men mostly fall for the passion and heat in females, but when it combines with intelligence and independence a truly deadly cocktail results which makes many forget the consequences before taking the plunge. After all everyone wants to have a share of chocolate pie, no matter if the taste may not last long

I guess it is the physicality of women which primarily lures men; the treasure of pleasure is after all tough to ignore, but ultimately it is the boldness and brashness which constitutes a potent pull

Destined to Doom?

Last week I received an unexpected call from Dubai; it was from the same firm which had offered me employment last year only to withdraw it later at last minute, just days before departure, leaving me high and dry. That time I was totally heartbroken, but they had promised to reconsider me again once the global crisis subsides. Now with economy on the bend, the call thrilled me no end and after one year of long wait was all the more sweet. This firm is one of the leading retail electronic chains in the Gulf and the position on offer this time is based out of Muscat. I was told to meet their HR head travelling to Delhi next week and inshallah I will be with them soon. What was ironical was that this call came on same day and same time as last year, when the dirty call withdrawing the offer had come

After receiving this call my joy and happiness knew no bounds, for a year of hope and perseverance had finally paid off; but I did not know bad and unexpected news lurks around the corner. On Friday morning I glanced at the news papers in office mentioning Dubai debt crisis and I smelled trouble. The next day’s headlines screamed of Dubai sinking and I knew my dreams were in danger. As the crisis intensified I too had a sinking feeling and the uncertainty gripping the Gulf started engulfing me as well

By Monday I was in such a stinking foul mood that I felt like smashing window panes and actually drinking someone’s blood. I was cautious that I should not irk anybody around for I could have really killed someone that day. Why does it happen with me that whenever a good career prospect comes either Wall Street crashes or Dubai goes into tailspin? For the past three years I have dreamt of living alone in a big city, have my own friends, get my first girlfriend, enjoy life on my own but this fucking fluctuating global economy has time and again put paid to my hopes

Last year I could not sleep well for three days after the debacle and it is very painful this time too, to see the ecstasy prolonged for happen and in next few days inexplicably turn to agony. Imagine you have waited for one call for an entire year and when finally you do receive that call, the entire thrill gets shaken if not shattered in next couple of days by a totally unforeseen eventuality. I met their HR honcho yesterday and they have promised me again a good offer with joining in January, but never know if globally things may change till then. Before leaving I asked if Dubai crisis will have any impact on them, which was brushed off as a non-matter the same way they had done last year, as if Lehman collapse will have no effect whatsoever.

I sometimes wonder if I should reconcile to my fate and my job and believe that things better are not made for me; for even if I do get something, unexpected forces will wean it away? Or maybe perhaps my destiny is to never fly high and continue with my meager earning. As of now I have decided to wait till January and watch things closely and only then decide if the promised Eden does happen or am I always destined to doom?