Robbed!!

Phew! Have come back to office today after attending my friend’s wedding in Jammu over the weekend. But what an eventful the last few days have been! On Friday last I was all excited & pumped up - taking off couple of days from office, telling everyone I will be away, activating Out of Office assistant in outlook etc. Upon reaching home & giving final touches to my travel bags & suitcases, realized that my suit is nicely locked up with keys missing. Run…..drove to all nearby malls, looking for a reasonably priced formal blazer. First stop was a wedding store with attractive wedding attires, only to discover that like the dresses, price tags were also exceptional. Finally came across Big Bazaar which had a good discount going.

My first question to the salesman “Show me something less than 1000 bucks & looks good”
An amused look on his face “Are you buying for some charity?”
“No, its only a marriage”
“OK, we have a 50% discount running, perhaps you can check in that corner”
‘That corner’ did have some crumpled blazers, which had perhaps been dumped there before Diwali, I finally chose an old, stinking black (& dirty) one from the lot.

Back home it was all packing time & heading for railway station. Thankfully I was on time & had got a nice coupe with me all alone. When the train started I was a bit bored, but slept peacefully with two blankets & AC in full blast. I also thought of shagging, in that cozy & dimly-lit ambience, but abstained in the end. Little did I know the next morning will snatch my sleep & peace for days & nights to come.

That morning seemed normal like any other one – I woke up early thanks to alarm; same lazy bones which did not want to get out of bed, reluctantly got down to the lower berth. As the train chugged into Jammu railway station, I bent down to pick my bags – What the fuck! All my bags gone, stolen; and that too in AC first class. A frantic search ensued but of no avail. An FIR with railway police was put in place, in which I boldly highlighted the complicity of TC & connivance of train attendant, but honestly have little hope.

Upon reaching Jammu, had to buy all clothes anew including wedding day dress which all summed up to a whopping 10,000 bucks of unnecessary expense. All my excitement had turned to frustration & somebody else’s wedding had turned into an expensive nightmare for me.

The wedding was not bad; I tasted Teacher’s after a long time, though had to mix & conceal in Pepsi. Its another matter that many others, including the bride were sipping their own intoxicated Pepsi glasses. The bride’s friends looked interesting & one of them also seemed interested in me, though sadly could not progress much there.

Reached back Gurgaon yesterday, but must say am glad to be back & thanks to my great train robbery, the intended vacation next month stands cancelled due to my personal financial crisis.

Sleeping in nude

Last night I read on net about Padma Lakshmi, the former muse of Salman Rushdie, deciding to pose in the nude for some photo shoot. The hottie claimed that she was used to her nudity & enjoyed being naked. Infact she said that she slept nude on most nights. Guess if you have something remarkable to display, you would like to have a look at it again & again. If that too doesn’t gratify, then have it viewed by others too, like our dear Indian model in US is going to do.

I remembered a friend of mine, or an unknown friend for I never met her, who used to indulge in late night phone sex, all the time claiming that she has nothing on. Wish there was live video streaming on her mobile!

Guess there is a thrill which comes by sleeping in birthday suit. Its is like a kid who plays with toy guns, all the time imagining that he is in the main battle field. The kid knows that he is some years away from actually getting to hold a real gun, so makes up with his play stuff. Similarly those away from marriage also know that it is some time before which they can have real stuff on the bed; hence night time strip acts as a dress rehearsal (or undress rehearsal).

I too have slept nude many times, but never at home; can never take that risk with bed bugs & termites around. It is only when travelling on company purpose & staying in those exquisite deluxe rooms, watching some grown up stuff on TV, that I am in full monty. The rubbing of satin on the raw flesh gives a touch of heaven many times. Try it, can be fun really

Now that’s more like me

Few days back my club asked all existing members to give a write-up about themselves in less than 100 words, which they will publish in their upcoming edition of periodic journal. I was not sure of what all should I write & could manage only a few lines given below, which were promptly mailed across:

“HR professional with 5 years experience. An avid reader, blogger & aspiring writer. Also a strong volunteer for Art of Living, helping organize events & courses in my locality & community.

Basically belonging to South India, raised in Kashmir & living in Delhi/Gurgaon for last 10 years, knows little bit about top & bottom of the country. Also aspires to travel & work in other parts of country/world.”

Now come on, is that me? If I actually want to engrave my tombstone, perhaps should be more pragmatic & truthful.

“Twenty eight years of dreary existence completed on this otherwise beautiful world. Has a tendency & an affinity for monotony & chases boredom & ennui as his true calling. Likes to spend time alone staring at oblivion & doesn’t mix easily with new people around. Never played any sport & lacks physical fitness.

Dislikes own family & free from much material bondage; has never been in a relationship ever in lifetime & has never craved for one. Also has not fallen for anybody in particular till now, except one in high school which ended in molestation in school corridor.

Does not have any interests or hobbies, except a recent & seemingly long-lasting affair with alcohol. Is addicted to porn, though has never been laid except few stray gay incidents in school hostel. But aspires to have own share of candy one day”

Now that’s more like me

If God was a Banker - ambition & ethics

Keeping aside the paranoia that has gripped my worklife off late; I picked up a book few days back which I had planned to read for a long time. After having finished reading, must say I am enthralled, for “If God was a Banker” is not only engrossing but keeps you hooked from the start. Though the author is an IIM grad (not again), but the flow & imagination bears the hallmark of a professional writer.

The storyline captures lives of two B School grads who join the same organization - New York International Bank-together, with both – Sundeep & Swami – being extreme contrasts of each other. One is flamboyant & go-getter with scant regard for ethics & morals, while the other equally good performer is highly scrupulous. The honest guy manages to snatch & marry the hottie who joined along with them, which offends the other guy so much that all time he is behind to kick dirt on his rival. What makes the read interesting & captivating is the behind-the-scenes corporate sleaze & the influence of wheeler dealers in many corporate decisions. The storyline traces loss of innocence when decision making powers come into play & when moral temptations become too hard to ignore.

The use of call girls in the storyline has been extensive & even managers are sleeping around to get better deals. I am aware of corporates supplying girls (whores, models, actresses – whosoever wants to make quick money) but sleeping as a necessary promotional qualification comes as a surprise. True many do sleep around in office, but its frequency is a real surprise for a novice like me.

The story ends with a corporate spy flying from US & discreetly meeting many females affected & hit by this predator friend, who is finally exposed when confronted by all the hard evidence of sleaze & corruption. The story spans across decades & different geographies & gives an insiders account of competitive international banking. What sets apart this one apart is the racy narrative coupled with the spicy behind-the-scenes deals & the cut throat competition that marks present day corporate struggle & stress.

A must read for anyone debating ambition & ethics

Memorable bygone days

Last evening had been to a hospital in Delhi to visit an old family friend, recovering from a major surgery. The hospital took me many years back, when I had last visited the place to see a classmate after she had met with a road accident. My friend was badly hit & had her knee totally broken. We all friends, including her boyfriend, had gone to see her with bouquets & chocolates. Now this girl could not conceal her excitement upon seeing her prince charming & wanted to get cozy with him there itself. She asked her mother to fetch something from outside & her sister to leave on some other pretext. When the field was clear our hero was asked to sit alongside her on the hospital bed & soon the mutual exchange of saliva began. One of us was asked to guard the door while Romeo & Juliet made hay, Romeo bending down & the broken-kneed Juliet in a lose nighty, lying horizontally with only her tongue & lips functional & functioning to their full capacity. Sitting on the sofa & watching Dayavan II is perhaps one of the unforgettable moments from my college days.

These friends of mine were quite fond of each other even during class timings & rarely managed to keep their hands off each other. In Hindu College, there is an isolated passageway on first floor with only a few class rooms, which was the favorite haunt of many lovebirds, appropriately nicknamed G B Road. My dear friends also used to find some space for themselves here, sometimes disturbed by other couples who would silently occupy the other corner. Thankfully this guy was not a hosteller, for the bed sheets were spared those sticky stains.

Once in canteen, with only three of us around, conversation veered to nuts & bolts & how the right fit is found. This girl, with a twinkle in her eye & eyeing her man, said even if the fit is not proper, penetration can happen; not all fits are made to size, but with effort they go deep inside, which later gives desired results & sometimes a soul is born. Only later I could understand the intended connotation & what the nuts & bolts denoted. Both of them were indeed fond of each other, but sadly their alliance was not possible because of different religions & the girls divorced parents forbade anything good for.

All said & done, those memorable college days were wonderful. Wish I could go back sometime…

That sinking feeling……

Not sure when this fucking recession will end or how many victims it will claim before it subsides. My life & my work, or the lack of it, has not been too isolated from it so far, though mercifully it has not rendered me with any long scars, atleast till now. But that is not to say that it has not left me rattled or has spared me of its painful pangs.

The first major hit for me was in November when I got a lucrative offer from Dubai. I had packed all my bags, wound up nearly all my stuff here, got my visa etc & was ready to fly. However just on the verge of my departure the offer was withdrawn, leaving me stranded with nowhere to go. Thankfully some days were left for my last workday here & I could manage to withdraw my resignation.

Few days later, lay offs began in my place as well. I knew one day it will rear its ugly head at my doorstep too; though I was praying that my past good deeds will not be forgotten soon. When restructuring began I was offered a position in Mumbai, even though my organization did not even have an office there & I was supposed to work from offices of different vendor agencies. It would have been a tough deal, but given the situation I had reluctantly accepted it.

Now that Mumbai is also not happening, for the angrez coming here wanted somebody with a different skillset, it has left me & my superiors in a quandary. Another assignment is now available in Angola, in the wilderness of Africa, where my firm is building a gas pipeline. Now life in remote African jungles is not what I had bargained for, recession or no recession. I have declined that very sweet offer, aware of the consequences & the situation in my shrinking office. I had a long chat with my boss today morning where I was sermonized to be open to challenges & tough situations & do away with my candy floss lifestyle. It was a heavy session with me coming out second best by a long stretch.

It gets all the more scary as I do not have absolutely any work with me now, or for that matter I did not have any for the past three months & do not see anything coming for the remaining year too. Don’t know why but have been getting that sinking feeling……