Now that’s more like me

Few days back my club asked all existing members to give a write-up about themselves in less than 100 words, which they will publish in their upcoming edition of periodic journal. I was not sure of what all should I write & could manage only a few lines given below, which were promptly mailed across:

“HR professional with 5 years experience. An avid reader, blogger & aspiring writer. Also a strong volunteer for Art of Living, helping organize events & courses in my locality & community.

Basically belonging to South India, raised in Kashmir & living in Delhi/Gurgaon for last 10 years, knows little bit about top & bottom of the country. Also aspires to travel & work in other parts of country/world.”

Now come on, is that me? If I actually want to engrave my tombstone, perhaps should be more pragmatic & truthful.

“Twenty eight years of dreary existence completed on this otherwise beautiful world. Has a tendency & an affinity for monotony & chases boredom & ennui as his true calling. Likes to spend time alone staring at oblivion & doesn’t mix easily with new people around. Never played any sport & lacks physical fitness.

Dislikes own family & free from much material bondage; has never been in a relationship ever in lifetime & has never craved for one. Also has not fallen for anybody in particular till now, except one in high school which ended in molestation in school corridor.

Does not have any interests or hobbies, except a recent & seemingly long-lasting affair with alcohol. Is addicted to porn, though has never been laid except few stray gay incidents in school hostel. But aspires to have own share of candy one day”

Now that’s more like me