What are you looking at?

Fridays happen to be a dress down day in office, which gives employees freedom to come in casuals and not stick to the usual formals. Since these are early winters it also means some employees come dressed in summer shirts covered with woolens and when the office conditioning gets a bit warm, the sweater is taken off. Yesterday I was talking to a chick who too had taken off her cardigan and was in her sweat shirt, when I noticed that this chick had….ahem…a bit larger chest. Now that girl did not miss my discreet glare and tried to cover her peaks but in futility. She soon returned to her seat and perhaps may have got her thick woolen back on, to cover her important areas.

Now this was not the first time that this chick had beaten a hasty retreat. Earlier too she has tried to cover her lobes with dupatta, but how much of your own treasure can you hide? I am aware that well endowed females are aware and proud of their wealth, and if given a chance some may want to flaunt it even. After all it is a major attraction to boast of and not everyone is well gifted, or rather well-filled. It is only the fortunate ones who have right cheese at right places

I wonder what is it that makes these supple and soft flesh pounds so attractive. For sure it is not the color, texture or brightness, because it is all hidden. I don’t know how they actually taste also, someone told me once it is the same as lips but a bit more salty. The only ones I tasted were of a whore and not very large but well maintained. But they were awful in flavor and I had a torrid sensation lingering in my mouth for rest of the day.

But I guess males are not the lone starers, females too never miss whenever I itch myself there. Males do touch themselves often because we do not wear padded stuff down there but only simple cotton, which is not very soft on the foreskin. Also hands remain in front, so a bit of handly adjustment can always be excused, though such hand movements never fail to capture the undesired feminine attention

Perhaps both genders have their own areas of interest to watch out for and why not, after all engines of ecstasy and entertainment are to be yearned for

Times are changing

For few days I have been hearing this jingle on Red FM “jo ladkiyan chhote kapde pahenke party karti hain, kya wo bacchalan hoti hain?? Jhaapad!! Red FM aaj ke zamane ka hain, baap ke zamane ka nahin” Well times have been changing and going by the outpourings in blogosphere, many changes are starkly evident

*While I was growing up it was normal to have your one boyfriend and date him for sometime. However these days changes occur with every season and it is only natural and not promiscuous to move on or have other dalliances going. A friend of mine, whose face actually resembles a commode, has been through many men and I too would have been one of them had I not eyed her Mom

*In old Hindi films, vamps were shown drinking and smoking, all the time plotting the next evil move in their den. Now films show many leading actresses having their casual evening drink and I am really thankful the world has moved on

*Virginity was a sacred issue till many days back. However I do not see any reservation nowadays before getting into a physical relationship. With the advent of contraceptives, the risk of adverse consequences has reduced and with many migrating to metros for better prospects and living independently, own decision-making has come into prominence.

*Choli ke peechhe kya hain… from Khalnayak had stirred quite a controversy many, many years back when cable TV had just entered our country. Also I recall Karisma was ostracized for enacting sexy, sexy mujhe log bole...But now just look around and these songs resemble poetry. Also mouthing of abuses is no longer a male bastion, what with chutiya and maadar chod gaining universal prominence

*Perhaps the next big thing to hit will be the gay and lesbian movement. On a late night radio show recently, a lady confessed that she was bi-sexual and boasted of a supporting husband, so much so that they hired prostitutes for threesomes!

Now don’t get me wrong here. I am really thankful that we are living in a society which is more egalitarian and absent of the archaic dogmas which have hindered and ruined us for long. Just some times are changing and only those who adapt will survive.

Sloshed and puking

On Saturday my boss’s secretary gave me a call that she wanted to look me up in the evening, as she had received an important interview call and wanted tips from me on how to prepare for it. Now this chick is no bomb, infact she is a stink bomb but I readily agreed on her offer as she would be accompanied by her boyfriend and a free booze evening was on the cards. Now I had been craving for Old Monk for sometime, what with the winter setting in making the soothing rum and coke an ideal evening companion. Also I don’t let go any booze/binge opportunities go wasted and cash in wherever possible

As the evening arrived I was picked up from my place and we drove to a nearby joint, a roadside place well decorated with funky accessories and replete with booze outlets, bar-be-cues and a neat seating arrangement. We chose a place on the perched-up tree house, which was kind of isolated from the bachelor crowd below; before which I picked up my long-desired bottle of Old Monk to commence my drinking spree. We also ordered chicken tikka to accompany the brown liquid.

Now as we settled in, I was required to talk and impart my suggestions about the upcoming interview but I found myself distracted by the couples seated in nearby tables. One of them was a particularly attractive view where a chocolaty chick was smoking hookah and also rubbing the crotch of her boyfriend. Both of them had their own bottles to gulp lined up and were also stealing smooches whenever occasion permitted. Now this must have pumped me on for I started taking my swigs at a good pace and after sometime was so sloshed, that when the dumb-looking boyfriend was filling up my glass, I wiped it out neat thinking it to be the remains from the previous peg. By the time we left I was on a good high but not prepared for what was to follow

Upon reaching home I was feeling giddy and also had an itching in my chest. I suddenly felt something coming up and puked! I ran to the loo but vomited all through and in no time wash basin was filled with indescribable particles. Now I have never puked before, no matter how much I booze so it was sad to see my record get broken. My Mom later cleaned the dirty vomit and I passed out after hitting the bed. The next morning I again puked and was put on medication. Yesterday there was a big lunch hosted for family friends at City Club, and many of them were eager to see me but my depleted health gave me a rather lackluster appearance.

Today in office I am feeling much better but have learnt to control my intemperance. Perhaps the next time I long for Old Monk I better visit a monastery!

Where did I lose out?

Last evening was browsing through Times Now when face of a reporter seemed somewhat familiar. I could not relate to her straight away but waited for her to say her name at end of report, which brought immediate recall. Prerna Thakurdesai was my classmate in class IX and X and someone difficult to forget. She was a stunner back then and not the pumpkin you see now, infact many agreed those days sundara, sundara... from Rakshak should have been filmed on her. However what was surprising was not her appearance on TV but her history from school days. Prerna was a hot property in school , having a figure which was envy of one and all. She was daughter of a Squadron Leader, staying opposite to boys hostel campus in Air Force School and visiting hostel sports area every evening for volleyball practice. Lest I forget she was also fond of boys and did have a wide variety to choose from. Also she had scant inhibitions and no reservations in making indulgences of any kind. It was often said that her smooches were tastier than strawberry Rasna.

It is not for the first time that people known to me are coming on TV. Many folks from Hindu have made it to NDTV and other channels, but what is common to all of them was their outrageous boldness. Not one of them was a happy goody two shoes like me, who led a straight life; but always up to some adventure and yes, mostly in demand. Back then it seemed that immorality and brashness were something to be stayed away, but I guess they are virtues which at times can lead you places. Those folks who like me led an uncomplicated life now lead a salaried middle class life, perhaps content with their existence or what they had sought for. But it is sluts who have actually made it big and now bask in a life of fame and envy

Maybe I too should have explored some of those choices, which may have appeared wrong then but have brought recognition and prosperity to those who went there. Maybe I should have abandoned those premises I always lived with and never refrained from those then wrong-appearing choices. Maybe getting fame happens only through an unconventional route and simple lives lead only to simple existence

Now manytimes I am left asking myself: Where did I lose out?

Life Is Beautiful

Good news first. I tested myself for HIV today and it is negative. I feel as if I have got another lease of life and will live long and happily now. It suddenly feels as if a ton of bricks has been lifted off me and I am now free to pursue my dreams

It all started on Saturday, when I was out watching Ajab Prem ki… with my family at Mega Mall. After coming out of the Audi, a kiosk outside ran the awareness message “every 5 seconds someone gets infected with HIV”. Now ever since my visit to a brothel couple of months back, I have been petrified if I contacted anything fatal and the message did trigger certain uncomfortable questions somewhere. Later I stepped into a bookstore in the basement of the Mall, where by misfortune I picked up a stupid book written by some non-descript asshole which details out life of an Indian student in Russia, who sleeps with whores and catches HIV, thereby destroying himself and his family. Now that further aggravated my fickle thought process and I started relating it to myself and my folks. After returning home the ugly thoughts magnified all the more and I shuddered at the thought of how my people will react if I die a slow and painful death

Now I am not too much attached to my folks, but the very thought of me being HIV+ sent shivers down my spine. It would surely be a life worse than death, shunned and ostracized by one and all, huge bills for anti-retroviral drugs, avoiding AIDS till end and finally waiting for a painful death. Perhaps the only ones accepting me and yes, crying along with me will be my own dear family. I cried on Saturday night imagining the gruesome story it would eventually be, if things went wrong. Also I took the courageous decision of getting tested.

On Sunday I had a mild fever throughout the day and infact have been sleepless for three nights, having ghastly nightmares of things going wrong. In the afternoon my Mom was taking out my woolens for winters, she still thinks of me as a kid, and I could imagine how devastated she would be if I tested wrong. Yesterday when my brother returned home, I was imagining his shock if he learnt of my condition, for he would be the first one I would tell. I have been literally sweating in these early winters and today I had an ugly stomach upset, from all the paranoia that has gripped me since Saturday evening. Infact on Sunday evening I was crying astoundingly fat tears and have not felt so helpless and shit-scared perhaps ever in the past three decades of my existence. Yesterday after coming back home I chanted and prayed for two and a half hours non-stop, something I never did even when my father was dying in deep coma. Infact I was tearfully shaking even while giving blood sample for this expensive test and believe me, have been in a state worse than hell ever since those morbid thoughts entered my fearful brain.

What this ordeal has taught me is to appreciate the beauty of life and be grateful for living through this joyful journey. We take so many things for granted and keep cribbing about miniscule matters, thereby robbing ourselves of enjoying this wonderful life. Life is beautiful; just open your eyes to see the splendor all around.

Those who find this funny imagine your life and of those around you getting irreparably devastated and destroyed, even for a brief while. I know it can be macabre and ghastly, because I have just lived through it.

When will I learn to flirt?

In the last vacation I took in Udaipur, once my cousin and I were crossing a typical dusty and busy street, when he pointed to the girl crossing from other side who was all the time stealing glances at us. Off course I did not notice the chick, let alone her stolen glance or tossing of hair. Later on when we were fooling around in Trident hotel, pretending to be scouts looking for corporate deals, the pretty hotel agent was generously showing us around the facility. While doing so, she also started sharing information about her past and present, which was entirely unsolicited. My cousin was quick to pick the cue and before leaving asked for her Orkut ID, to be in touch and continue the affair later on.

Damn it. Why am I unable to pick those hints dropped so discreetly by the fairer and sexier gender? In my first job I was always commented upon that I retreat when it matters the most or that many times I remain oblivious to subtle invitations and suggestions. I remain content with a general mutual discussion but never transcend the boundary and explore the bastions of naughtiness and flirtatiousness. There is an electricity generated at times when I see an electric pole but it remains shrouded behind the curtain of reticence and the camouflage of my no-nonsense disposition, which only results in me being the loser.

I guess this female flirting phobia is nothing new to me and has been along for sometime now. During my hostel days in school, girls use to sit cross-legged on the rocks in front of boys hostel gates with their skirts lifted up and shirt top buttons flung open. Those chicks indeed had delicious legs with a shiny texture basking in the glow of puberty, which they were all too proud and happy to display. Many of my friends pounced upon the offerings and progressed from the hostel rocks to school dispensary bed very soon, and I had to remain content only by hearing about their adventures, tales and ejaculations.

Few days back a PYT had joined my office. Though she was recently married but that did not stop her from approaching me and she indeed emitted some strong welcoming signals, but the poor me could never let go of my inhibitions and wasted a good opportunity. After some tries, the chick also gave up on me and proceeded with other interested contenders

I know I have been a laggard when it comes to progressing on the most desired and many times well presented prospects but the bane of me till now has been

When will I learn to flirt?

In search of a better tomorrow

This Saturday was an enjoyable day for me, as fun-filled team building training exercises were organized in the office. It is good to have such off-side activities organized at workplace from time to time, as they give opportunities to mingle with other team members and also to learn from the exercises. It also gives break from the rigmarole of daily mundane office work and helps relax in a good way.

The exercises and trainings were insightful as many times we tend to overlook the basics of working and get engrossed in our own cobwebs, which eventually don’t benefit anyone. Some psychometric tests were also administered, which helped everyone discover their work style and underlying pedagogy. Last year when similar activity was organized in office we had undergone transactional analysis, which was indeed an eye-opener for some especially me.

Later in the day the entire team went out for an evening at 32 Milestone. We surely did have a lot of fun, with go-karting, bowling and other games adding to the excitement. The only sad part was that since this was a company sponsored event only beer was served, perhaps to control the costs and I could only admire the Famous Grouse bottle from a distance

Meanwhile the other good news is the economy finally opening up. Anyone who has lived through the nightmare of global crisis will surely not forget the shock and panic in a hurry. It is heartening to see hiring resuming at good number of places, a far cry from those not-too-distant dreadful days when the ugly bloodbath of lay-offs was in full swing. It was indeed not a pretty sight at all to see so many lose their jobs and maybe much more everyday. All the cribbing regarding my workplace had evaporated those days, as I held on to my job and was mercifully spared the axe

However better days coming back also mean I will resume my job hunt soon, though many times I wonder why I need to shift somewhere. Agreed I earn peanuts, but then I have a comfortable employment, a great boss, low work pressure, good colleagues, a great team and reasonably decent life. Perhaps it is the search for a better tomorrow which makes me look for a change and hope that only something better than the present awaits

Morbid Me

Once there was a boy who remained quiet and aloof and at times was so silent, his presence itself was unknown. Naturally this boy did not have many friends but he remained content in his solitude, under the protected shelter of his parents. Little did he realize in his innocence that his parents too are human beings and with their own follies may abhor his reserved disposition. The ill vibes grew along with the child and during his upbringing he many times had imaginary thoughts of his being spanked without reason, beaten up for pleasure and persecuted to give pain. As he approached teenage, his mother who was undergoing menopause, got her relative’s daughter to stay with him; just because she needed emotional support and totally unmindful of her child’s comfort

Do you know this child? I know you wouldn’t. After all this is an anonymous blog

Off late the dark thoughts engulfing me have increased and many times I too wonder what I have to do with them. Few nights back I had a dream that Narendra Hirwani has died. Now come on I know that dreams project only what you have been thinking sub-consciously, but from where the hell does Narendra Hirwani come in here? I have not even seen or read about him anywhere in ages

On Friday, flu shots were being administered in office to deal with the seasonal change of weather. I thought after the shot I will be immune to any ills for sometime, but on Tuesday I developed high fever, perhaps more due to exertion in Vaishno Devi. I was anxious and restless the whole day, has my body immunity got hit and reduced? Have I contacted something fatally dangerous? Is there something wrong with my blood? Only when the fever subsided next day that I breathed a sigh of relief, but doubt it is only for time being

Yesterday a chick in office complimented me for my Toastmasters effort and admitted she was taken aback to know that I too had a sense of humor! After all I hardly smile, which perhaps unknowingly does put off few people. Perhaps our external appearance is after all only a reflection of our inner being.

I guess morbidity has been a part of me for sometime now and will continue to constitute a part of my dreary existence. But I guess I may not be alone here, perhaps we all do have our grey shades hidden somewhere which get camouflaged with the unreal brightness we all tend to put on.

A short trip and back

My trip to Jammu and Vaishno Devi went smoothly and as per schedule. I had a good time meeting some of the old faces and regaling in their company. This time around there were more queries coming as to when I plan to tie the knot and settle down. I am appalled at how easily the same people who are suffering in their own marriages are insisting and are very keen to see me married off. Going by some of their debates, marriage seems an accomplishment much like climbing a difficult peak, the earlier conquered greater the valor

At times I am amazed at how different world is in some of the smaller Indian towns, with their own naivety and innocence. I had once overheard a remark that India lives in five centuries, a fact endorsed after visiting Jammu from Gurgaon for gap between both cities would be atleast a few decades if not more.

City and its folks notwithstanding, I had fun climbing up and down Vaishno Devi though my legs are still sore and am limping today in office. I had kept both legs in warm salted water twice yesterday but the effect is waning off now. While climbing Vaishno Devi it is remarkable the kind of energy one feels while approaching the main caves. I guess it is not without reason that the shrine enjoys a large following.

I had visited Vaishno Devi same time last year too, when I had received a job offer from Dubai. The day I returned back the offer was withdrawn leaving me infuriated and deeply agonized. But seeing the magnitude of global crisis, I now feel I was saved from an impending disaster; hence was all the more keen to pay obeisance this year

Besides I also had a wedding to attend, which was scheduled on the evening I climbed Vaishno Devi. Imagine trekking a full day up and down and then attending a wedding same evening! However I could not have skipped this one, as the bride here was my ex-classmate, a close family friend, and daughter of current state DGP. An amusing part of the ceremony here was the Kashmiri songs and music played. Those who have heard Kashmiri will agree it is the most nasal lingo around and after hearing Kashmiri songs Himesh Reshamiyya will sound like a sweet cuckoo.

Visiting other places I always yearn for coming back home but after few days at home, long for a good time out. I guess it is the same with many of us, when it is hot we want it cold, but when it starts getting colder we try to get warm. But what would life be if all was same with no variation around