Thursday, November 5, 2009

Morbid Me

Once there was a boy who remained quiet and aloof and at times was so silent, his presence itself was unknown. Naturally this boy did not have many friends but he remained content in his solitude, under the protected shelter of his parents. Little did he realize in his innocence that his parents too are human beings and with their own follies may abhor his reserved disposition. The ill vibes grew along with the child and during his upbringing he many times had imaginary thoughts of his being spanked without reason, beaten up for pleasure and persecuted to give pain. As he approached teenage, his mother who was undergoing menopause, got her relative’s daughter to stay with him; just because she needed emotional support and totally unmindful of her child’s comfort

Do you know this child? I know you wouldn’t. After all this is an anonymous blog

Off late the dark thoughts engulfing me have increased and many times I too wonder what I have to do with them. Few nights back I had a dream that Narendra Hirwani has died. Now come on I know that dreams project only what you have been thinking sub-consciously, but from where the hell does Narendra Hirwani come in here? I have not even seen or read about him anywhere in ages

On Friday, flu shots were being administered in office to deal with the seasonal change of weather. I thought after the shot I will be immune to any ills for sometime, but on Tuesday I developed high fever, perhaps more due to exertion in Vaishno Devi. I was anxious and restless the whole day, has my body immunity got hit and reduced? Have I contacted something fatally dangerous? Is there something wrong with my blood? Only when the fever subsided next day that I breathed a sigh of relief, but doubt it is only for time being

Yesterday a chick in office complimented me for my Toastmasters effort and admitted she was taken aback to know that I too had a sense of humor! After all I hardly smile, which perhaps unknowingly does put off few people. Perhaps our external appearance is after all only a reflection of our inner being.

I guess morbidity has been a part of me for sometime now and will continue to constitute a part of my dreary existence. But I guess I may not be alone here, perhaps we all do have our grey shades hidden somewhere which get camouflaged with the unreal brightness we all tend to put on.


  1. well i dont know if this is sad or not.. been there man.. joint family..but parents were fine..and i dint have bashings and all..but dark thoughts yes..and because ur anonymous ur writing all this.but one day reveal urself han??like way down the

  2. Perhaps I have been lucky to have some happy memories from the past..

    But your story painted a picture..which is more than sad..its little terrifying for me..and I would pray that you get all the happinees that you have perhaps missed out on..

    Great work done by letting the ghosts of past out of the cupboard..

    N hope that they stop haunting you..

    Hope that the sigh of relief lasts for a long time to come..

  3. Cud be a perfect candidate for some anti-depressants..... its like u r fast rolling down towards a big burnout eh?!

  4. amen. before all else, give me truth, i say.

  5. Looks are deceptive, my friend.

    Dreams are allowed to act funny and weird as well. Why just us? ;)


  6. You not having a sense of humour...are you kidding me?
    and bad times were in your past...try not letting it interfere in your present!

  7. I know all about the dark and morbid side that lurks within each of us - and now you know it too.. I can completely relate to the paranoia you had when you were sick and thought it was something deadly - been there done that..
    perhaps we just need to learn to embrace our inner dark side instead of fighting with it or wanting it to go away - what do you think?

  8. start dancing!! mwaahhh, life's good, you're just in the bad place at the moment, it will be good... do things you enjoy, that's all

  9. Not ALWAYS do dreams project the thoughts of your sub-conscious mind. I dream about the torns bodies of my folks. But I NEVER THINK about it, can never.
    Get well soon to get down again.

  10. dreams are always very strange and can be scary too at times

  11. Everyone's falling ill this time around. Glad i'm not alone ;)

    Morbid thoughts.. well just before you write it off.. think again. You never know what lurks just around the corner.

  12. Many people are consumed by the fears and memories they have.
    Many are sincerly happy.
    Others are amazing actors.

  13. Your post reminded me of this fantastic movie called "Donnie Darko". Watch it if you haven't yet seen it. It has a haunting song titled "Mad World".

    Try working on those internal dark demons sooner rather than later. Try to find things that make you as well as someone else besides yourself happy. Mind you, don't sacrifice one for the other.

  14. We all have a past. For some of us, it's not as beautiful as others'.

    The sooner we get over it and focus on our present and future, the better it is.

    And yeah!! smile more often!! How can you NOT smile?? *amazed*

  15. The chick in office would be astounded if she knew you blogged!

    Learn to joke around a bit, be a bit of a clown. The response from others will be so encouraging, you'll start appreciating life more :)