When will I understand love?

When I was studying in college a close friend of mine had a very monstrous mother, she was full of devilish attributes and hated by all, so much that I still loath the image and sight of her. She would easily be the most unreasonable and cruel woman I have ever known but my friend loved her no end. I could never understand then (nor can I now) how could one like, let alone love, a person so devilish and unkind. But my dear friend was different: she indeed loved her devil incarnate mother

I am aware that daughters are more attached to their mothers but this kind of love, which ignores cruelty and forgives brutality, is still beyond me. I have also come across other countless stories of such so-called love, and not just limited to India, where wives love their nasty and drunk husbands; where daughters still yearn for affection of their fathers who had secretly molested them during puberty; and of girls of my generation who crave for bad boys known for their ill ways

I have tried and made attempts in past to understand better what this kind of love actually is but all have come to nought, the only time perhaps I came somewhat close was during an Art of Living discourse where I realized that true love is actually beyond rationality and logic. And someone like me, who relentlessly tries to analyze moon and stars understandably will never understand love which explains why I have to think hard whenever it comes to love; someone told me once that I should start here by keeping a pet to atleast understand affection first

I also heard somewhere that true love is the one which hurts; now I did not even attempt to know what this means, after all novices can never learn rocket science

But yes I do understand lust, if not love, and a lot of it. I have now become regular with visiting cabarets here and love the uninhibited flesh display there; I am a porn freak and enjoy good quality stuff; I have made out with guys in hostel and enjoyed it no end; and off late I can do a bit of dirty talking as well

But over and beyond the enticing lure of lust lies the tender care of love which I am still trying to decipher. Maybe in the past I have been ignorant of my own failed understandings but now that I have to somewhere start making something of this damned life, I better begin to understand a bit of this illogical thing called love

Dazzling Dubai

I returned from my trip to Dubai last evening which was indeed exhilarating and exciting. I found Dubai to be an international city crowded with nationals of all countries from Europe, Asia and North Africa; a city comparable to Hong Kong and Singapore, the only two foreign lands I had been to before coming to Muscat. However unlike those two places Dubai still has some way to go for its knee-jerk attempted overnight development is all too visible.

One of the reasons I was looking forward to Dubai was to meet my office colleagues with whom I had only interacted over phone till now. Its always tricky to put a face to voice and words as it can be surprising how different people can actually look from what one had imagined. However it was good catching up with all and they too were happy to see me

As a city I found Dubai to be full of malls, beaches and babes; comparable to any of the concrete jungles sprouting all over India having a frenzied lifestyle. One of the flagship malls at bottom of Burj Khalifa is so fucking big; it can take ages to go through all floors. However Dubai does have an amazing nightlife not easily found at many places or atleast the type I had not seen before; only Bangalore of 6-7 years back is somewhat comparable. The hotel I was staying in had so many discos and pubs that the loud music did not let me sleep, infact not just the watering holes the entire city is alive till late night

I had heard many interesting things too about Dubai and was curious to explore so one night I jettisoned off to a known nearby hotel and entered their disc after paying entry fee. Upon entering I saw the floor all decked up with gaudily clad females of all colors and nations waiting and eying men around. I worked my way to the booze counter and after taking my drink ventured around the floor. Soon I found girls coming up and offering their services at different rates depending upon length and duration. One Filipino claimed to be good in blowjobs, one Moroccan expert in massage and one had me touch her soft tender flesh all over before quoting her rate. Now there are limits before a man can succumb to temptations and I too found a Russian difficult to ignore. I negotiated with her for oral variety and both of us came out of the disc together for planned rendezvous. However the deal broke off when she summoned a taxi and wanted me to pay for fare also (which was not told to me earlier) after which I came back. Thank heavens the deal did not materialize, I remember the after effects of last time I had slept with a whore.

After my office training was over in Dubai my cousin came from Abu Dhabi over the weekend and showed me around town. Dubai is full of gora chamdi, a reason why South Asians now find it unaffordable, hence the amusement avenues and their rates too are suitable only for whites. Next day I was shown around Abu Dhabi including the huge mosque and the stunning Emirates hotel before flying back to Muscat. The only days I miss home is when I have to do my household chores and believe me cleaning my bachelor pad upon return last night was no fun

Finally I am glad that my long awaited trip did materialize and was some real memorable stuff; next trip there may take a while

Chewing gums and relationships

I had commented on a blogpost sometime back on how chewing gums and relationships are alike. They are remarkably similar, my justifiable arguments given below; I am sure those who enjoy chewing on gums and have been through the grind of relationships will agree with me

1 Both taste very sweet in beginning, freshness and newness makes it refreshing
2 Both give sweet tingly juices to start with
3 Both come in different size, shape and flavors, chose as per your taste
4 If you taste one for first time, it can give a real hitherto un-tasted hit
5 Both become stale after initial euphoria and use
6 Even after knowing that they are past prime we still try and yearn for those wonderful tingles it gave at start, all the time unnecessarily stretching it long
7 Both taste best alone, never ever mix with anything, else taste gets rotten spoilt
8 Both come with an expiry date
9 Excess consumption of both is bad for health though we never realize or accept this
10 When the taste wears off, best if both are discarded for good

On personal front I fly off to Dubai in a couple of days and will return next weekend. Since this is my first trip there I am damn excited; have heard all good things in life are available openly and in plenty in that city, will keep all of you posted

Whats up with me

*Saw Anjaana Anjaani this weekend. The film is such run-of-the-mill affair; you wouldn’t feel you have watched a new film at all. Jesus save us from the new breed of directors and bring back the dishum dishum of 80s. Only highpoint of the film for me was the burqa clad female seated adjacent to me who went wild upon seeing Ranbir’s striptease

*Last Thursday had been to a new cabaret bar, easily the raunchiest place I have ever been to. The females were clad in sexy, skimpy, shortest possible skirts and high leather boots, wildly gyrating to hot numbers. I was there till 3 in morning and for once felt really turned on; in fact was about to tear my shirt upon seeing a special item maang meri bharo (remember Mamta Kulkarni) complete with wet hair, see through blouse and special lighting effects. Man that girl pleading on floor and opening her legs was real stuff, more intoxicating than half bottle of whiskey I consumed

*Few days back I stumbled upon photo album of Akash Banerjee. Akash was with me in Hindu College and after viewing his album I feel he is one of the most amazingly talented people I have known. I was not much friends with him in Hindu but this guy was immensely talented,easily the best orator around campus those days. He is now a journalist with Times Group; perhaps that’s where he cultivated this rare gift of photography - anyone interested in photo journalism who happens to view his album will never be disappointed and infact I can vouch will not be able to close the window soon.

*My below post saw some guarded comments and understandably restrained response. Porn and sex is for men what shopping is for women, so guess some tacky posts can be allowed in once in a while. I have also started surfing porn in office as I now have a corner seat with a hidden monitor and no server to catch my hits

*My flirting with my potential girl friend is going fine and on course though she has made it amply clear that she will never sleep with me. How on earth can these girls know the real intentions? Guess females are endowed with a sharp sixth sense when it comes to men though men foolishly keep staring at other juicy endowments

*I have joined a gym out of compulsion to try and somewhat control my burgeoning body fat. Life in this city is so comfortable, I had initially thought living away from home I will shed a lot but now it seems I will have to fight real hard to control my waist line. The gym for the record is pretty ordinary and nowhere near the trendier ones seen in India

*Meanwhile my Dubai trip should be happening soon. It has been coming for sometime now and should hopefully materialize in October. I was slated to travel much earlier and for reasons known and unknown, it got delayed time and again though I am not complaining. October is anytime a better time to travel there than torrid peak summer heat