Sunday, September 13, 2009

Who do I love the most?

In the last Art of Living course I under went, during one of the many meditation processes, all participants were asked to close their eyes and think of the person they loved most. While everyone around was rapt in concentration, my mind went blank and howsoever hard I tried, could not get a single name, person or image coming to mind. I don’t know why but inspite of reminiscing my past and present, no single person could come up

After the process and the course, I again went back into thinking of who did I really love most? Certainly not anyone from my family by any count. If anything I have grown all the more distant from them and this is not a teenage rebellion or a growing-up phenomenon. Even during my primitive childhood too, I do not recall any fondness for any of them, reinforced by their own behavior during my later teens.

But who do I love the most? I thought of my friends and acquaintances. At different stages of my life I did have my langotiya yaars, but they too disappeared with the completion of that phase. In school I did have some people around and they do remember me whenever I visit my growing-up city. The best time I had was in Hindu College, but my gang has splattered with the passing of time and professional occupations. In workplace I did have my best buddies in the two places that I have worked, but buddies at office do and should remain workplace friends only.

Who do I love the most? I have never been in a relationship in my life and astoundingly do not feel on having missed out on anything. I have seen people around me suffer with their own relationship issues, both genders included, and perhaps that made me never get close to any one. Sometimes these days when I think of a perfect companion for me, I imagine someone elder, matured, well-off and independent and not any chick next door.

Who do I love the most? I guess I have never loved anyone and with the present turmoil in my mind precipitated by thorny relationships at home, will not love any one for sometime. But love is a human need; we all give love, we all need love, its love which drives the world. I guess it’s the lack of finding love which has been the bane of my life

Last night I put on a song from a relatively old flick, Agnisakshi with Manisha Koirala dancing. Guess the words could not have been truer

Ikrar karna mushkil hain, izhaar karna mushkil hain
Mehboob ki mohabbat ka intezaar karna mushkil hain
Kitna mushkil hain dekho iss duniya main dil lagana


  1. Maybe you are looking for love in the wrong places?

  2. I hope you manage to fill up the void pretty soon... :( With anyone at all!

  3. Love is the opposite of wisdom. Period.

  4. well love will find u sooner or later. it always does. u just have to be open to it. if u dont have love, u feel empty n dead inside.
    but i guess u dont know what ur missing...

  5. i know u dint ask for it but i do have a suggestion for u to find love. it may sound cheesy but it works. adopt a dog from a shelter. if u want more info let me know.

  6. strange void there,
    but since uve already started liking that song i think it wont be long till u find something to fill it up,
    & great name pesto sauce,
    do chkout my page

  7. song is nice but its does not sink with yur post....this song doesn't come up with any love lacuna of life.

  8. I have started considering you my really good blog buddy :o) You say you don't miss having a relationship, but trust me the moment you meet the right girl, you'll realize what has been missing from your life all along.. being in love and being loved are truly beautiful things - I have been burnt in love so bad yet I do think that love is one of the, if not the, most beautiful things on this planet.. I think everyone should experience it once in their lives. And you may chose to not look for love, but when the time is right, love will find you :)

    I feel really sad that you are not close to your family members.. having a close connection with family can make world of a difference..

  9. Well, i'd say when you have no one love, love yourself.

  10. I have seen lives destroyed by this madness called love, I have seen them gloom and bloom and fly like the white dove too ... but still love remains a misnomer ... But, I swear u need it when you get the blue... keep walking!!!

  11. tis' not the lack of love that hounds. it is the fact of the lack of love.

  12. As selfish as it sounds, I think its very important to love yourself more than anyone else in this world. Not in a narcisisstic way, not by putting down others, not in the "better-than-thou" attitude way. Just a simple "I love who I am". Makes everything around you pleasant and puts a smile on your face in a way that everyone else likes/loves you too.