Is it too tough to let go of past?

This weekend I was at a cabaret bar with my friends enjoying the raunchy and sizzling display of flesh complete with gyrating hips and pelvic thrusts to the tune of loud numbers; besides friends I also had booze for company but in between all the noise I started losing myself somewhere and recoiling in the past bygone days. I was enjoying the late-night enthusiastic show being put up by young girls and also cheering them on but in between and almost all of a sudden, some scenes from past came flashing by along with small doses of pain. It was not the first time and sadly not last either, when episodes from not so pleasant past have come to haunt me from nowhere and I find myself drifting into a world I have left behind and would like to forget very soon

I am aware that some episodes from past can haunt in good measure when alone but then from where do they come and bother in a cabaret bar of all the places? My mind was tuned to the voluptuous babe dancing invitingly in front of me, her twists and turns were evidently well practiced and certainly well admired; she would not let me leave early egging me to stay till end of show and just when I am beginning to enjoy myself in heaven memories from hell abruptly reappear. My past has very little to do with sleaze or seduction, its only after coming here that I have started enjoying good things of life so from where the fuck do tormented relationships jump into my mind just when I am being turned on?

It was not the first time that past has bothered me nor do I think it will be the last. Blogpals who have been coming here often are aware why I so desperately wanted to leave India and live anywhere abroad, but now that it has successfully happened why do the bad bygone days keep reminding of themselves again and again?

Lisa Ray recently quoted that key to happiness is to have a short memory; coming from someone who has so bravely fought cancer the words do have a ring of truth to them. But what Lisa tacitly implied was that happy people are also strong people; Lisa though a stunning beauty in appearance is also a very strong person never compromising on her own identity

We all have a past, some have more bitter ones, but why is too difficult to let go of the past? Instances of past hitting like bullets at times can cause and do cause pain and ideally are best forgotten. But as I keep finding the hard way, a future is yet to happen but past has already happened and nothing can change that.

Refreshing home trip

My trip to India went off well and was everything that I anticipated it to be. If you read my below post I was undecided whether to feel excited or indifferent, not sure how this visit will take shape, but at end of day I am glad it all went well

After landing the first think which struck me outside Delhi Airport was the noisy ambience with cacophony of voices and blaring sounds being a far cry from the calm surroundings of Muscat; outside Airport I could spot the pot-bellied police cops relaxing in afternoon sun while the frenzied crowds screamed and shrieked – all this seemed so normal sometime back but so different this time. I was myself amazed as to how a little time away can make regular things look unnatural; however I must confess the new terminal looks swanky, modern and world class – thank heavens atleast something of international standards is there

Upon reaching home everyone was expectedly excited and happy to see me and note how my appearance (thankfully) had not changed much. During the next few days I spent time at home, I went shopping at malls, caught a movie, dinner with my folks, rode in new Delhi metro, took a tiring and expensive trip to Vaishno Devi and also a visit to my old office after my ex-boss had invited me over for coffee. And not to forget there were loud deliberations at home on my marriage with all chipping in with what I should look for and what to be careful about, its rather fascinating to note everyone’s take on marriage for it also somewhere reflects their own marital experience. In between all this I also bought some alcohol and a porno DVD combo where I later discovered the scenes were censored!!

Before flying I was cautioned that first trip home is nostalgic, a week will seem like a day, one won’t fell like leaving and will always wish if the days can be stretched. However I will not deny that I did feel some of these emotions at times but only after a couple of days I was thinking when I would get to fly back, I was after all missing my naughty bachelor life here and moreover it was those restricted environs only from where I had ran away from. Also I decided that my next visit next year would be only for a week and not the eligible month; I would go bonkers if I stayed there long.

Day before yesterday when I eventually landed at Muscat Airport and took the waiting pick-up for home and settled into my bachelor pad later, I felt this where I belonged and this is where my future lay

Going back

I fly off to India tomorrow morning and will be there for a week; my office is closed for most of next week so makes sense to make a small dash home. Visiting home or native place for first time is sure to be exciting but am I really excited?

I am excited because

*C’mon visiting own people is fun and after all nothing in world can beat your own room, own bed (maybe a blonde accompanying on bed can beat)

*First visit so all will be curious to hear me and my tales about the city I have been living in for now. My good and not so good experiences should be listened to with some interest

*Have already been planning this visit for sometime and am glad that ticket booking dates and holidays have fit in perfectly; I had blocked tickets a month back taking a gamble on holiday dates and was overjoyed when dates coincided

*Have bought gifts and all for everyone so this shows I care. Now I am not a big buyer but then first visit home, that too from a foreign locale, does call for mementos and gifts. Not carrying any gifts would have been grossly wrong


I am not excited because

*Going back to the drudgery that I left and I despise so much, who in his senses would like to recall all of that?

*Have grown apart from my folks but anyways its only a short visit

*Always believed better to maintain distance than become too close and develop ill-will

*My past and uneasy relations still haunt me here, so where the fuck does any excitement come in here?

*My Eden is here where I intend to build my future so should be more excited by my stay here than visiting home

And the flirting continues…

Yesterday evening I called up my flirt partner, having not flirted with her for some time I was feeling something missing. Thankfully she was available and in mood giving both of us a good time

Me: Hey long time
She: long time? Since what long time, we have not done it once (giggles)
Me: oh come on, you know other day I had a bad dream involving you. I dreamt you were dropping me off in your gleaming red sedan and suddenly you stopped car in middle of nowhere and started molesting me. I was shouting help, help… but you didn’t stop
She: I am sure you would have enjoyed the dream, it wouldn’t have been scary
Me: so are you planning to make my dreams come true anytime soon?
She: if you want me to…
Me: I am sure you must be smiling, you have nice smile and nice skin; should show more of it
She: what will you do with it?
Me: I like your soft flesh, have many plans to do many things with it. But we need to be fast else I will do it with that Russian in Dubai
She: do it na…you really want to do it
Me: yup…but then I think about you and stop
She: why about me? That’s going to take time, do it the next time you go there, I am sure you will enjoy her you flesh eater
Me: make that flesh admirer; can never keep my eyes from your satin arms and cleavage I always try to stare at
She: keep staring only, as if you need an invitation to proceed…

I am not sure where all this is progressing but I am enjoying the journey before the destination though I wonder when the chats on phone will fructify to cuddles on bed – if anyone has ideas please share, I fly off to India this weekend and will be glad to implement them upon return

Addendum: guys, gals and fellow commentors - this chick is a sherni over phone but bakri otherwise (drawbacks of staying with parents); tell me how to break her shackles first, breaking of membrane will follow