When will I understand love?

When I was studying in college a close friend of mine had a very monstrous mother, she was full of devilish attributes and hated by all, so much that I still loath the image and sight of her. She would easily be the most unreasonable and cruel woman I have ever known but my friend loved her no end. I could never understand then (nor can I now) how could one like, let alone love, a person so devilish and unkind. But my dear friend was different: she indeed loved her devil incarnate mother

I am aware that daughters are more attached to their mothers but this kind of love, which ignores cruelty and forgives brutality, is still beyond me. I have also come across other countless stories of such so-called love, and not just limited to India, where wives love their nasty and drunk husbands; where daughters still yearn for affection of their fathers who had secretly molested them during puberty; and of girls of my generation who crave for bad boys known for their ill ways

I have tried and made attempts in past to understand better what this kind of love actually is but all have come to nought, the only time perhaps I came somewhat close was during an Art of Living discourse where I realized that true love is actually beyond rationality and logic. And someone like me, who relentlessly tries to analyze moon and stars understandably will never understand love which explains why I have to think hard whenever it comes to love; someone told me once that I should start here by keeping a pet to atleast understand affection first

I also heard somewhere that true love is the one which hurts; now I did not even attempt to know what this means, after all novices can never learn rocket science

But yes I do understand lust, if not love, and a lot of it. I have now become regular with visiting cabarets here and love the uninhibited flesh display there; I am a porn freak and enjoy good quality stuff; I have made out with guys in hostel and enjoyed it no end; and off late I can do a bit of dirty talking as well

But over and beyond the enticing lure of lust lies the tender care of love which I am still trying to decipher. Maybe in the past I have been ignorant of my own failed understandings but now that I have to somewhere start making something of this damned life, I better begin to understand a bit of this illogical thing called love

Dazzling Dubai

I returned from my trip to Dubai last evening which was indeed exhilarating and exciting. I found Dubai to be an international city crowded with nationals of all countries from Europe, Asia and North Africa; a city comparable to Hong Kong and Singapore, the only two foreign lands I had been to before coming to Muscat. However unlike those two places Dubai still has some way to go for its knee-jerk attempted overnight development is all too visible.

One of the reasons I was looking forward to Dubai was to meet my office colleagues with whom I had only interacted over phone till now. Its always tricky to put a face to voice and words as it can be surprising how different people can actually look from what one had imagined. However it was good catching up with all and they too were happy to see me

As a city I found Dubai to be full of malls, beaches and babes; comparable to any of the concrete jungles sprouting all over India having a frenzied lifestyle. One of the flagship malls at bottom of Burj Khalifa is so fucking big; it can take ages to go through all floors. However Dubai does have an amazing nightlife not easily found at many places or atleast the type I had not seen before; only Bangalore of 6-7 years back is somewhat comparable. The hotel I was staying in had so many discos and pubs that the loud music did not let me sleep, infact not just the watering holes the entire city is alive till late night

I had heard many interesting things too about Dubai and was curious to explore so one night I jettisoned off to a known nearby hotel and entered their disc after paying entry fee. Upon entering I saw the floor all decked up with gaudily clad females of all colors and nations waiting and eying men around. I worked my way to the booze counter and after taking my drink ventured around the floor. Soon I found girls coming up and offering their services at different rates depending upon length and duration. One Filipino claimed to be good in blowjobs, one Moroccan expert in massage and one had me touch her soft tender flesh all over before quoting her rate. Now there are limits before a man can succumb to temptations and I too found a Russian difficult to ignore. I negotiated with her for oral variety and both of us came out of the disc together for planned rendezvous. However the deal broke off when she summoned a taxi and wanted me to pay for fare also (which was not told to me earlier) after which I came back. Thank heavens the deal did not materialize, I remember the after effects of last time I had slept with a whore.

After my office training was over in Dubai my cousin came from Abu Dhabi over the weekend and showed me around town. Dubai is full of gora chamdi, a reason why South Asians now find it unaffordable, hence the amusement avenues and their rates too are suitable only for whites. Next day I was shown around Abu Dhabi including the huge mosque and the stunning Emirates hotel before flying back to Muscat. The only days I miss home is when I have to do my household chores and believe me cleaning my bachelor pad upon return last night was no fun

Finally I am glad that my long awaited trip did materialize and was some real memorable stuff; next trip there may take a while

Chewing gums and relationships

I had commented on a blogpost sometime back on how chewing gums and relationships are alike. They are remarkably similar, my justifiable arguments given below; I am sure those who enjoy chewing on gums and have been through the grind of relationships will agree with me

1 Both taste very sweet in beginning, freshness and newness makes it refreshing
2 Both give sweet tingly juices to start with
3 Both come in different size, shape and flavors, chose as per your taste
4 If you taste one for first time, it can give a real hitherto un-tasted hit
5 Both become stale after initial euphoria and use
6 Even after knowing that they are past prime we still try and yearn for those wonderful tingles it gave at start, all the time unnecessarily stretching it long
7 Both taste best alone, never ever mix with anything, else taste gets rotten spoilt
8 Both come with an expiry date
9 Excess consumption of both is bad for health though we never realize or accept this
10 When the taste wears off, best if both are discarded for good

On personal front I fly off to Dubai in a couple of days and will return next weekend. Since this is my first trip there I am damn excited; have heard all good things in life are available openly and in plenty in that city, will keep all of you posted

Whats up with me

*Saw Anjaana Anjaani this weekend. The film is such run-of-the-mill affair; you wouldn’t feel you have watched a new film at all. Jesus save us from the new breed of directors and bring back the dishum dishum of 80s. Only highpoint of the film for me was the burqa clad female seated adjacent to me who went wild upon seeing Ranbir’s striptease

*Last Thursday had been to a new cabaret bar, easily the raunchiest place I have ever been to. The females were clad in sexy, skimpy, shortest possible skirts and high leather boots, wildly gyrating to hot numbers. I was there till 3 in morning and for once felt really turned on; in fact was about to tear my shirt upon seeing a special item maang meri bharo (remember Mamta Kulkarni) complete with wet hair, see through blouse and special lighting effects. Man that girl pleading on floor and opening her legs was real stuff, more intoxicating than half bottle of whiskey I consumed

*Few days back I stumbled upon photo album of Akash Banerjee. Akash was with me in Hindu College and after viewing his album I feel he is one of the most amazingly talented people I have known. I was not much friends with him in Hindu but this guy was immensely talented,easily the best orator around campus those days. He is now a journalist with Times Group; perhaps that’s where he cultivated this rare gift of photography - anyone interested in photo journalism who happens to view his album will never be disappointed and infact I can vouch will not be able to close the window soon.

*My below post saw some guarded comments and understandably restrained response. Porn and sex is for men what shopping is for women, so guess some tacky posts can be allowed in once in a while. I have also started surfing porn in office as I now have a corner seat with a hidden monitor and no server to catch my hits

*My flirting with my potential girl friend is going fine and on course though she has made it amply clear that she will never sleep with me. How on earth can these girls know the real intentions? Guess females are endowed with a sharp sixth sense when it comes to men though men foolishly keep staring at other juicy endowments

*I have joined a gym out of compulsion to try and somewhat control my burgeoning body fat. Life in this city is so comfortable, I had initially thought living away from home I will shed a lot but now it seems I will have to fight real hard to control my waist line. The gym for the record is pretty ordinary and nowhere near the trendier ones seen in India

*Meanwhile my Dubai trip should be happening soon. It has been coming for sometime now and should hopefully materialize in October. I was slated to travel much earlier and for reasons known and unknown, it got delayed time and again though I am not complaining. October is anytime a better time to travel there than torrid peak summer heat

Hot favorites

The first time I had watched a hot scene as a kid on newly launched uncensored Star Movies, I had felt something strange and good, it was my first erection. Since then Hollywood has not disappointed and I am recounting few of my favorite ones here, categorized as per the effects they leave

Gives a fever
Thirteen – Evan Rachel Wood is spunky as a desirable teen. Love the scene where one girl first seduces her friend’s neighbor and then eggs her friend also to kiss him, both finally having him together

Hot Spot – this was first hot scene seen by me and in my innocence did not why someone should put mouth into the male zipper. When a friend apprised me of the act I was flabbergasted as how can one suck that! Yuck

Cruel Intentions – watch the climax of second part where the hero goes to his girl complaining of his step-sister’s behavior. Soon the step-sister steps in and he discovers to his horror that they are both lesbos. It finally ends with a threesome of sorts

Erects something somewhere
Dead On – Shari Shattuck is mind blowing hot as the bored disgusted wife. Watch out for the long dialogue and flashback where she has it all the time from back

Sexual predator – the intensity of scenes is simply unbelievable, depicts real commitment

Zebra Lounge – shows a couple looking out to swing. Good stuff

Absolute turn-ons
Striptease – Demi Moore is Goddess of Erotica. Clips of this film are still considered the benchmarks for any female shedding her clothes to please men. Moore showed what gifts a woman can really give

Basic Instinct – no I am talking of the second part where a threesome was so hot it had to be deleted. Sharon Stone has seductive eyes and expressions with that butterscotch body and in this deleted sequence she manages both genders

L Word – the series is not shown anywhere outside West but clips are available on net. Never knew so many lesbos could have so much fun

Wild Things – undoubtedly one of the hottest scenes ever. Dennis Richards, Neve Campbell and Matt Dimon turn it on big time in perhaps the best threesome ever shot; watch it in context of movie and will leave you with a sexy sensation for atleast few days. Parts two and three also tried to copy the threesomes but could not match this one

Nice time away

This weekend was a long break with many days off, so while everyone was planning a trip somewhere I was left some what stranded wondering where to go. Initial plan was a short trip to Abu Dhabi but with the Visa not coming through I was left clueless with literally nowhere to shake my ass. As a last moment plan I ventured out to explore more of this country and decided to visit Salalah, a hill resort south of Oman for a couple of days

I am glad I visited Salalah for the place has a truly breathtaking beauty. On appearance it resembles Mussoorie, Ooty or any other good hill station replete with cool weather, lush greenery, abundant water and coconut trees. Infact its hard to believe that this was a place in Middle East and not South India. Nowhere could I spot date palm trees or sand dunes nor was the scorching heat visible or felt; instead I had plenty of coconut milk and enjoyed the cool breeze and waterfalls. Fortunately many from my firm were holidaying there so I tagged along with some of them and when they were unavailable, ventured on my own. Most interesting thing I perhaps saw was an anti-gravity road where a car moves ahead on its own without any ignition effort! Strangely this road has no signage on display and can be easily lost in obscurity. Had this been India many temples would already have sprung around with all speculative theories of ghosts and deaths doing round. Perhaps the only low point of this trip was that it was a bit heavy on pocket, having been planned at last minute

Meanwhile I completed another year of my existence last Friday. I was a bit skeptical initially as where to celebrate since this was my first birthday outside India and in a place I am slowly getting acclimatized to. Most of my guys had already left for India so I decided to celebrate alone and in style. I went for a deep sea cruise in the morning watching dolphins play which was remarkably spectacular; myself going deep into a clean sea on a high speed boat for first time. There I made friends with a guy who accompanied me to a nearby cabaret bar in evening where we had a bachelor bash complete with beer and lovely bar girls. Must say one of the girls is real tabahi, she is absolutely smashing to look at and also dances provocatively. What more she resembles my first crush and can match her dancing skills too. My friend had a surprise birthday song played for me and all the girls blew kisses to me, sadly they were only flying kisses. My new friend gave me another surprise later footing the entire bill

Unfortunately holidays do not last forever but the rigmarole of routine life does which I am sleepily accepting since today morning

Status Update

My life seems to have come to a bit of halt after all the excitement and exuberance in the last post. Two of the three chicks are now out, either backed out or kicked out and the only one remaining will take time to move from chats on phone to rubbing nude skin on bed. The first chick whose parents met me for matrimonial prospects declined my interests and for a full day I felt the agony of rejection. It does hit somewhere deep on being shown the door by a pretty chick; it doesn’t matter if I have not even met the girl personally. The second girl, who has been busy with my brother in India, did exchange a lot of mails with me and she did appear genuinely interested till she learnt my full name and linage. We did talk once where she discovered who I really was and as expected, never spoke again. My brother too chipped in with his share of discouragement, saying the girl is modern partying types hence not suitable for me. I wonder what he will have to say about me if he reads this blog someday. The third chick, my constant flirt companion, is making steady progress and hopefully I should be able to taste her juices in a not distant future

Meanwhile Eid holidays are coming up and all my pals are busy packing for a short trip back home to India. Even some guys who arrived here later than me are also visiting their places, already missing their folks. It’s a bit strange that I have never missed anyone here and in a way I am glad that I am away. My relations back home had hit a nadir so much so that I was yearning to run away, any place in the world, expecting some peace of mind and I have not failed my expectations. Its not that I have painted the town red in this city or if I have had a real kick ass time, but atleast there is contentment and have some what escaped from the negative dogmas dogging my life back home. It is strange how one can grow out of the same people one had lived with but I desperately needed to break away to emancipate from ill-existence where even domestic servants mocked at me.

However on a positive note I am happy to have now settled in this new city and new country which has given me a sense of optimism in life, so badly lacking for a long time