Friday, June 19, 2009

Female flavors

Today afternoon I had been to TCS office just across the road to attend a Toastmasters meeting, where I was scheduled to give my talk. The office looks non-descript by all standards, I mean its good but nothing compared to some swanky IT offices you see down south. However what sets all IT firms apart is their young workforce & equal gender mix, with a fair sprinkling of PYTs. Obviously some were checking me out from edges of their retina while I too was returning the compliment in my own subtle manner. Going through the sea of faces one could notice all hues, shapes & sizes; all flavors available as per taste.

While raking in all the variety available, I could not stop myself from categorizing each face I crossed as per my own dictionary. Broadly speaking I could divide them into below given - my own defined - criterion

* Take home – mostly dressed in cotton salwar kameez, does not put entire Maybelline store on face, not very plump, mostly fair, mixes well around but enjoys her vodka. Has been into relationships in the past, but never gone all the way. May have had lesbo experiences, but lons for the real stuff. As she can keep everyone happy, perhaps Mom & me, in our own ways, will be happy with her.

* Take to bed – you start feeling the butter melting in your stomach as you see her. Brown, short, well-endowed, smokes, likes using foul language. Has sharp eyes & equally sharp features, which gaze deep into you, as if checking your sperm limit. If this is judgment day, your last wish is to get a blowjob from her. Keep a photo of her handy to help shag in night

* Get away fast – you never approach her, she is chasing you & everyone around. Her non-stop banter will drive you nuts, moreso as she pokes you when you least want it. Usually stinks, has unnecessary flab at unnecessary places and looks like a model for Mala D. Thank God if you do not have many of this variety around

* Work with along – is most of times a dark South Indian, extremely hard-working with a brilliant academic record. Her chances of having an affair with boys are same as those of Gandhi flirting with Madhubala. Will not have too many quirky girly rants, keeps to her work & if she is your team member, will do most of your work also. Jai Ho if you have one in your team but my pity if you have one in bed

* Next door neighbor – no, not Ayesha Takia. This one is more of an Agony Aunt to whom you can recite your tales & seek solace in her wisdom. Here shape, size, color etc does not matter; only qualification being should be non-bitchy. At times she may also be your prostitute with the golden heart

So that’s all I could segregate into. Am sure others will be having more in mind


  1. not even one to be categorized as to fall on knees immediately for?? :P

  2. categorising women is one of the sickest things men do. women do not like being objectified. they do not like being classified as "angels" or "whores". women are also human beings. try to remember that and maybe you will finally get a girlfriend.
    ps- i find it highly unlikely that ANY woman (even one who has 'extra flab') would chase you around. are you in such perfect shape that you can go around judging other people about their bodies? and calling someone a 'dark south indian' is racist. get over your fair skin complexes. that is what being 'liberated' is about, not smoking and drinking.

  3. Dont know waht to say..being a woman and all..its so politically incorrect of me..but what the hell!! I do exactly the same thing when I set my eyes on a girl or a guy..the points mentioned match to the T. but being woman I hate the brown short and well endowed bitch and like the take home and acadaemic variety, my categorization for men is usually on the temperamental/IQ/stud/loser/offensive notes. loved this post!!

  4. ahahhahahah.. enjoyed the post... i can picture the guys reading this post. All nodding along and thinking "bang on dude.."

    i agree with sujata , we all classify.. categorize..

    trust me.. we girls do it all the time too..

    message to anonymous : relaxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!

  5. That was quite some analysis - almost sounded like a bio lab specimen results read but what the heck, it was funny to the core! :D

    So, after all this 'vishlayshan', what could possibly be your preference after having figured out everything so well? :)

  6. hate comments at least means people are reading!

  7. hehe..yes yes i nod in approval..complete approval..but u missed out on one category..the stunner...the one who makes u go weak in ur knees and the one whom u strategically corner near the coffee vendor machine..:)...

    but all in all u ve completed most bases with the categorization. :)

    good stuff bro...and anonymous...chill bro/sis :)


  8. you know..I so agree with your categories..being a girl myself..have to admit you're correct..!!
    But Take To Home types wouldn't have had lesbo experiences..:P..!!
    ne ways...nice blog..!!:)

  9. wow. you r way more than what i thought u were :)

  10. totally agree! I don't label you sexist, because its part of being a human to judge people. I don't agree with every explanation personally but I do agree with the categories :P

  11. wow! I totally agree with Sujata and Dip, we all do categorize you, men and I need to admit that this is a quite good segregation of women. Obviously you could have added some feminists and hippy girls/they smell badly/ but what the hell.

    I need to think to do the same segregation about men and post it. That would be fun and I let you know!

    Thanks for stopping by. I think I will come back here soon.

    cheers! deva!