Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Teenage infatuation gone wrong

My last post drew a lot of flak, not for the randomness of my life but what I mentioned about one of my darkest deeds. Its ironical that my other random ramblings were ignored, while one misdeed of mine, though causally mentioned, got the widest attention.

Yes I did sort of molest somebody in high school, which was about ten years back, when I was in class XII and School Vice Captain. This chick, who was perhaps as pretty as pretty can be, was a year junior to me. She was a talented gal, prominent in both sports and academics. However as she had recently joined that year, was possibly searching for an identity for herself and looking at ways and means to associate herself with those who mattered. Perhaps as a school prefect she did make an effort to come close to me, which I mistook for attraction.

It was during one cultural event that we got actually close and spent some time together. I was the host for that event in which she was performing, I still remember the song she was dancing to choodi jo khanki haathon main. All team members including participants, stayed back after school hours for rehearsals and that is when more information sharing about each other took place. In hindsight I guess as an extrovert she was more forthcoming, while I was my usual reticent self.

I must say she was a deadly cocktail of beauty and brains, the sort who can give anyone sleepless nights, a fact endorsed by many others. As state table tennis champion, she was all across the local newspapers and in terms of appearance was a cross between Urmila Matondkar and Divya Bharti.

Now why did I commit the unpardonable act? Well it was my immaturity or the all-conquering teen ego, which could never take no for an answer. At the time of the deed, I was totally smitten by her, an infatuation which proved fatal for both of us. I never proposed to her, but my feelings were actually never hidden. What enraged me was her constant flirting with everyone, it was like she was choosing the weather for her mood.

That day, after which I was proceeding on a long vacation, I decided to sort out once for all and show who is the boss around. During recess I confronted her and after an ensuing argument, caught hold of her with her crying for release. I don’t remember how the hold broke, but thanks to some intrusions, sanity was soon restored.

Being a small town, the news of this happening spread across city, from tuition centers to other schools. As son of state DGP, I was all the more easily recognizable and the matter reached my home too. I did manage to wriggle out temporarily and few months later, my folks got transferred to Delhi forever. Even till date, in that city, this event is not forgotten and sometimes discussed in hushed voices

Readers please don’t crucify me, I am already remorseful for that act in my life. There is a moment of madness which grips males at times, like it did to Clinton and Shiney Ahuja, to which I unfortunately succumbed. While writing this piece I could never see any females seated around my office in the eye; I know I perpetrated an act of shame which deserves no mercy.


  1. Well realising your mistakes is the best thing that can happen to us.. ;)

    So dont feel ashame anymore..!

  2. We all make mistakes mate... it takes courage to write about something like this... and allow the world to judge you... let it go now...

  3. u did a mistake. u admit it. and thats what matters. i dont think anyone here has the right to judge anyone...


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  5. If you see a naked girl walk into your living room, you're not really going to pay attention to her finger nails or her eyebrows will you? Your point 3 was so shocking and stated so bluntly that I guess it really got to most people.. hence all the other points were probably ignored..
    I don't think I gave you too much shit for it, cuz after all who am I to judge anyone.. but what you need to understand is this: you can't tell a woman, you molested a girl and expect her to be OK with it, especially if you don't give any other explanation.. for all you know it could be interpreted as if you were boasting about it, or thought of it as a badge of honour (there are men like that) instead of being embarrased about it.. now that you have given the background story it makes so much more sense and totally understandable..

  6. Hmmm. You sound guilty about it. So surely you have learnt from your mistake :)

    I haven't yet read the previous post. Will do now...

  7. Hmm now that you've explained the circumstances it happened under, it makes more sense. You made a mistake. You realized it and thats what matters. I know nothing can be done to undo what you did ...from that girl's perspective. Once this guy almost grabbed my behind probably because he had a bet with his buddies or something. But I turned around and slapped him really hard. I was shocked too because I know I didn't do anything to piss him off nor I was wearing anything skimpy to attract anyone around me. But it happened and it left me scarred for a while. But we all make mistakes. We are humans. Its ok and its not ok depending on the circumstances. He was a jerk and I did that so he won't try that on anyone else.

    You sound guilty enough and you've done a brave thing by putting this up on this platform. Now move on because we are all allowed a few mistakes :)...

  8. Heyyy...kinda random visit to ur blog....n i did read d previous post....n trust me pt. no. 3 was sm real shit..dunno wats wrong wid ya guys...u really cud do smthn lyk tat...think abt d gal man!!!
    wteva u sound regretful....n tthat means a lot ...i noe there r guys who would go boasting abt it all d way...bt DO NOT commit d same mistake again....u may b cool wid it bt d galll...gosh u cant evn thnk abt d consequences....

  9. Mr. Pesto Sauce

    the girls who have been molested will never understand and praise you for the honesty in this post

    the girls who have not been molested (i hope they never experience that) might just let go and say that your honesty is admirable

    if the girl in your case was giving in to you even 1% then i wont call it molesting her.. but if she totally resisting.. then she must have taken ages to get over that day. i hope she is over it.

    you should get over it too. we all make some mistakes in life while we are growing up.. some mistakes are small, some big.. but what matters is what we learnt and that we never repeat it

    a woman is just physically weaker .. unfortunately.. only if we had big isha koppikarishh muscles, men would be seeing stars DAILY on the road.

  10. Well..
    You still remember it..
    its been 10 yrs. That means the incidence is still killing you inside.
    "Readers please don’t crucify me" leaves me with no words... but can imagine the depth of ur guilt.
    You are already punished by people and your own self.
    Its time to move on...
    take care.

  11. Atleast you know what you've done!

  12. I second obsessor! A tad honest post.

  13. Bro..its just stuff that happens....its happened..dere is nothing u can do about it now..so forget it..after all u r remorseful and tats all that counts...so chill and let it pass..tc bro..


  14. I dont know...how to comment on this. It feels good u feel guilty, in all probability ul never commmit something like this again,ever. please...don't. it ruins girls lives. take it from a girl whos had one too many such experience and ended up all messed up.

  15. It definitely takes courage to own up publicly to such an act, although the act is in the past. But there is no justification for any act of violence on anybody, nobody deserves being pushed around or molested.

    BTW, I like the frankness of your previous post also.

  16. i have a crush and at 26 i dunno how to spill it to him.. i see him as a prospect for my future... and i havent yet met him face to face...
    oooh boy!
    i m spellin trouble!

  17. "Its ironical that my other random ramblings were ignored, while one misdeed of mine, though causally mentioned, got the widest attention."

    I hate how people are always looking for some way or the other to judge you because it gives them some sick kind of ego boost.
    I love how you admit to what you did and that you realize that it was a mistake.
    All people make mistakes but what matters is that you atone for them and make up for it. And you did that. So people have absolutely no right whatsoever to judge you.

  18. you are guilty of what you did.. mostly burnt fingers remind us to be watchful of the fire... so i guess you are over it after this confession.. God forgives if you can forgive yourself..