Has my time come?

Since the time I have landed in Muscat, something inexplicable is happening with me, no not the ones one may think of, but I am seeing everything through a prism of coupling up soon. At times such thoughts seemed weird to me, not because they are not unnatural, but because by and large till now I have been content in my solitude and never thought those mushy things were for me. It may seem a lot unusual but I have never desired romanticism or companionship much, satisfying physical needs being something else, and infact have been guilty of running away from open invitations and not picking subtle hints. But off late there is a tacit acceptance somewhere of an eventual and gradual change in status

So what is it that’s making my mind change directions these days? Surely Muscat is not a romantic city by any length though it is a wonderful place to live, much better than many Indian cities. My life has not changed so much – I still follow same routine, same weekend getaways, same shopping at malls, same hobbies – so what is that’s making me open matrimonial sites these days?

Browsing my blog, I stumbled upon this posted exactly an year ago and could then think of following which may explain the tectonic shift in my thinking

*I wanted to be away from my family which I am now, so thoughts about building a future creeping in
*Am now independently managing myself, but will build a better nest if someone to share comes along
*Life is about moving through different stages, now career has upgraded so why not marital status?
*I look more like a real man these days, I was stunned to catch my own fleeting appearance in a corner mirror last week
*And finally I now make decent dough, which counts the most, so can afford some luxuries

But marriage is not an achievement and has dangers innumerable – a wrong partner can bring unlimited agony, if frequencies do not match its hell for both, an alliance should not be a compromise but contentment and importantly where do you search? Matrimonial sites are like brothels with catchy display and each highlighting own self, those who have visited whorehouses will understand. Also for me specifically marriage brings more than its share of risk:

*I am a quiet guy leading a dreary existence who enjoys his drink, music and fuck at end of day not the wild party types
*I hate shopping with a capital H while females swear by retail therapy
*I have never tested waters before so companionship will be a new thing for me altogether with unknown pitfalls
*My upbringing in a dysfunctional family brings its own share of abhorrence and resentment; a far cry from loving, caring and sharing that marriage demands
*I am a sucker for stuff that’s intellectual or spiritual and anyone ignorant of these doesn’t rate too high with me or is rather deplored
*Females are sensitive and complicated which gets tough to decipher
*I have been through shit before in terms of having a too authoritative and suppressing female in my life; I don’t want another reincarnation of my Mom please

Perhaps now I can relate to what some others known to me in past were going through when craving an alliance while I ridiculed them in my heart of heart. Frankly I used to mock and sneer at people, both in real and virtual world, who were always on lookout for love interest as if nothing better to do, but now slowly I am realizing its only a completion of oneself that’s been sought

I have now grasped and realized for better that matrimony is a stage of life which eventually many graduate to when life is complete but there is still something lacking. But the question I find asking myself many times these days is: has my time come?