Lunch in Office

Eating lunch in office can be a time to put down your feet & catch up with whats happening in your life & around. It provides an occasion for camaraderie in the routine & rigmarole of attending office daily & provides an escape route from the rut of everyday boring office. More than the eating, which becomes hogging if non veg food is there, it is the chatting that goes around, which makes it a looked forward to activity.

In my last organization, which I quit three years back, lunch was a quiet affair, with no fixed area or group as lunch companions. It was eat wherever you want with whomsoever you want, as lunch was served & eaten only in cafeteria; & with multiple offices & employee rotation, no permanent place of lunch was possible. In my present workplace, lunch is eaten by all employees of HR everyday together in conference room, with all eating from each others plate & tiffin. With many coming from diversified regions, it also provides for diversified culinary. So one can savor Bengali dal with Mallu fried rice, Punjabi saag with dosa & parantha with nariyal chutney. It is also time to gossip about office & life & know what happens in everybody’s life & home.

The earlier office building had a secluded room for utility purposes, which doubled as lunch room. The present swanky building has open workstations on large floors, so it is one table per group, as a result of which the chatter is also subdued, lest anybody hears in. However this also gives sound bytes from neighboring table which is within earshot distance & has some interesting females. There is no dearth of females in HR either, but don’t know why the spicy gossip evaporates when males are around !

Girls at Café Coffee Day

Amazing how office talks & gossip change with times. These days all known places in office, let it be lift, stairway, corridor, coffee machine, team meeting - all deliberations come down to lay-offs only. With many being shown the door & number & estimates increasing each day, one wonders whose next? Those leaving are as much stunned as those left behind. Also with little work these days & nothing coming for foreseeable time, only question on everybody’s lips – mera number kab aayega.

Had been to Café Coffee Day in DLF Galleria few evenings back. During my usual cappuccino round, spotted two PYTs at nearby table. One was in a tight black top & other in some hued attire, gossiping away to glory. The one in colored top spotted me checking both of them out & alerted her partner, who had her back to me. She returned my glance by checking me from the mirror in the wall, which I noticed from the edge of my retina. Her black top was kinda skimpy & revealing her shiny, buttery lower back & upper butt, when she bent forward. I guess she must have been aware of that correlation, for she bent even more after noticing my glances towards her rear. Bending forward she mumbled to her friend to check my expression when I was soothing my eyes on the display of her butt cleavage & surrounding areas. I really admired how well she had maintained the less noticeable parts of her built, much like a porn star & was proud to show it off to any interested & eager soul.

Reminds me of my school days when much admired & sought after females, used to sit in front of boys hostel with crossed legs & uplifted skirts. Also the mad scramble for girls toilet after morning assembly to lift skirts up, well above the knees to give a proper display of waxed legs, which sometimes resembled chocolate sauce. Well going by yesterday, I may find few of them again after all these years sipping coffee at Café Coffee Day, with tight tops replacing short skirts as the flexible prop & body area of pride moving a wee bit up from knees!

Mailbox malaise II

Got over my mailbox blues, finally. It took the entire morning to clear old mails from 2006 & 2007. Made a separate folder called “Old mails”; then scrolled down to bottom of Inbox, found mails accumulated right from 2006; checked in “Arranged by” icon at top if it is possible to segregate mails by date; yes it was possible, but not year wise (sob,sob); had to literally pick & drop every mail from Inbox to new folder (phew). Mails of one & a half year took half morning to seclude. At the end was kinda delighted, at last now blocks are clear, can send across the bulky mails.

One, two, three….four invites gone! Yuppee!! Drag them from Sent Items to Archive folder, lest they block again with their heavy weights. Fifth one compiled, all checks done, press Send…Outbox jammed; try again, Send/Receive error icon at bottom…damn it; try again, Send/Receive error icon again comes out at bottom…fuck me, fuck me hard!! Just cleared shit of last two years, but still unable to mail…..would have really gone bonkers had it not been lunch time; got a break to cool off. When zipped attachments also jammed after lunch, decided to send without attachment.

Phew thankfully got over it finally, but learnt the lesson hard way….as you move on, dump your old shit where it doesn’t count.

Mailbox malaise

Few things can actually irritate you to such an end; one would prefer being fucked rather than tolerate the non-sensical, brain-damaging mechanisms of modern day gadgets. Microsoft developed Office with great pride & pride became ego when all organizations adapted it for e-mailing. But I guess it is the sickening mailbox size limit imposed by IT wing, that makes one want to cry hearts out.

Had developed a series of invitations to be mailed to senior management, to be sent as calendar requests along with power point presentations for an office event, scheduled beginning next month. But guess my mailbox has become like the Municipality drain, not cleaned for last couple of years, so has jammed & anything heavy or big just cannot make through. I tried lot many times but would always get “Mailbox over size limit” prop. Send/receive button got a royal beating from my fingers, but the error scrip would obstinately always crop at the bottom right.

I deleted the drafted invite & instead attempted again with a fresh calendar invite, this time the PPT zipped in; but again met the same fate. Now my calendar shows same event at same day & time twice or thrice, but could never be once successfully mailed to the intended recipient. Tomorrow morning I have to somehow mail across all calendar invites, but will have to first clear the fucking mailbox of old, big, not required mails.

Going by my today’s ordeal, have a suggestion for the filthy HRD ministry & its pet AICTE – include a paper on Outlook Mailbox management in all management courses!!

Lazy bones

Soon my life will become an epitome of laziness. I read somewhere today that blogging requires time commitment, so only serious ones last long. That holds true, I guess I have been finding more spare time at office than home mainly coz of two factors - not much work these days & official PC works better. My laptop has a cursor bug, which means the cursor keeps running away. If you are typing a new sentence, half of it will get published somewhere in middle of another paragraph & if you have to rewrite those words (cut, copy, paste also not in) again, it really fucks you out.

Came across a quote today - You get the best efforts from others not by lighting fire beneath them, but by building a fire within. Reminds me of the differences between my previous boss & current one. Previous witch was a shouting maniac who could have put vampires to shame with her demeanor & work style. The current guy happens to be a believer in positive reinforcement, though he too can give pricks sometimes. Happened to get a stinker today morning, will go & have a chat in evening today.

Could not help but be stuck with awe last night at Obama’s inauguration. Cannot remember anyone who, coming from nowhere, has soared in popularity so soon. It was amazing to hear chants of “Obama, Obama” when he began his address & the numbing silence that followed during his discourse. Must say his earlier rhetoric of Yes We Can had got me going, this guy surely has something….bande main dum hain

Perhaps the only two guys who come close to this popularity in India can be Sachin & Amitabh. However like Obama, they had the burden of expectations whenever they performed. Curtain of Obama’s stage has just been unveiled, will have to wait for his performance.

Seeing Obama also reminds me of my many dreams, my imagination when under shower, yearning for thunderous applause on my own imaginative stage, oratory which can bring any crowd alive….all that can happen, but sluggish me will have to shrug off my beloved laziness for that.

Dilli ki sardi

Winters are here, or rather more than here. It’s the thick of winter & the vagaries of weather God have started. Even though it comes every year without fail, winter brings its own set of joys & sorrows. Each time you feel you have got used to it, but the chill catches you off guard every time.

Many things make winter distinct. First thing which comes to my mind is the laziness associated with the low temperatures. More evidence of lazy behavior can be found in morning, especially with the unwillingness to get out of bed. Mornings are associated with disappearance of sun & setting of fog. Driving to office is like navigating through turbulence with near zero fog-hit visibility. If one is back early in evening, slipping under blanket is the easiest option. Gym & yoga take a backseat as lazy bones reign supreme.

Winters can also fuck the life out, moreso if you have to get up early & dress for office. Shaving can actually pain & if you had a late night, expect yawns all day long. Even staying up late can be tough these times & can freeze the bones. Also if you like shagging before dozing off, then expect low results coz the passion & hormones also take a chill break. No wonder couples always rush to sunny beaches, must be warm making out there.

I vividly remember my childhood in Srinagar, those young, innocent growing up years. Winters were more severe compared to Delhi (& not as dry), but it was more fun also, with the snow for company & a new snowman as companion each time. Bukhari with saw dust was used to give warmth & the little teaspoons of brandy after a hot water bath in night, was a tonic for good night’s sleep. Well things have not changed much, for brandy has now been replaced by Old Monk.

Wherez my money

Received my bank statement via mail today. Thankfully there are no major surprises, for my bank statements & credit card bills have become the biggest storehouse of surprises & shocks off late. Each entry on debit side is a reminiscent of the spent excesses, movies seen (even the one with early warnings i.e. bad reviews), dinners eaten, unnecessary generosity displayed when others were ready to foot the bill, liquor consumed & other indulgences which do not come exactly complimentary. Bank statements are not that big a shocker, thanks to the cheque book records maintained. The real explosion happens when I receive my credit card bill. Entire history of the month’s entertainment flashes, like a film climax where a villain remembers all his sins before repenting. In my case repentance is replaced by payment.

In my own way I am thankful to the recession. During boom times, one finds everybody else raking in moolah & laments at his own sorry state & embarrassing payslip. It is during recession that you find the same millionaires without a job & admire at your low paying job. These are also the times to congratulate yourself, having shown loyalty & not been greedy in past. However one should not expect any such appreciation from the management, lest you are addicted to finding disappointments for yourself.

These days with everybody asking what is your New Year resolution, many times I am tempted to reply – have more dough. I don’t lament those who have more luxuries as part of their existence, but I surely pity myself with the measly finances I have. If things are gonna change & improve; I hope they do soon, for cannot wait till eternity now. However possibilities look bleak with dark clouds all around. The only consolation is to have a comparative or to be more curt, sadist approach & look at those being laid off around & praise your low paying, secure employment.

Imagination going wild

Can not stop your imagination from going really wild when the hottest girl in office gets pregnant. It was only a few months back that she was hired, having worked before in Taj (not the one which was attacked). Perhaps she had joined in middle of last year, which must be the period when she would have received the ejaculation. She did have a radiance to her face when she had come for interview, now I know why the face was blinking with joy. Must have been more than a joy for her hubby, what a blast he would have had.

I remember my school days; my Bong history teacher had just come back from her wedding. She had a different glow when back, which used to get brighter & brighter until her stomach started getting bigger & bigger. That was also the time when some of my classmates were exploring their puberty & discovering joys & ecstasy of all forms. Surely making out is not a big deal these days, what with everybody talking about it openly these days. However cannot get my mind off this office chick; what with her dusky complexion & streaked hair. Hotter than hot chocolate fudge, which got scooped & repeatedly shot with soft & wet bullets of male ecstasy.

Few mails, coffee machines & fish

Saw two mails this morning in mailbox. One is from an ex-colleague who now works for KPMG in Saudi. That guy passed out from FMS long back but could never get going here, so went for another course at LSE (must say I envy him, LSE has 5 bars on campus). But these times are bad & he landed in worst possible country during worst possible times, as he himself says in the mail. He also has a debt to repay, so cannot come back to India & its salaries. Another mail is from an ex-classmate (bomb of a classmate, must say) who is discovering marital bliss in chills of Britain (sure would be having lots of sex to keep herself hot; husband must be living in paradise then not UK). Both are abroad but what contrasts there experiences present.

A new coffee machine has been installed in office so went to check it out. It’s a nice steely built, perched on top of a table at corner. A galaxy of buttons present in the front with at least three funnels at the bottom to collect the desired liquid output. Options are plenty but its actually a guessing game how it all actually works. I decided to take my chance & pressed the “Cappuccino” button & put my cup beneath the larger funnel. What followed was a series of noises - first a creaking sound, then a noise as if a desperate fart is being let out (thank god this machine only releases liquids, not odour), howling sound, shrieks & then the water came out. No water did not come in my cup. It started tinkling out from behind of machine forming a small pool in ground below. Good the machine is in a corner so that not many could see my tryst with the mysterious coffee producing gizmo. I slowly retracted my steps & came back to my workstation. After all whats in a cuppa coffee!

Had been out dining yesterday night. Ate dinner at Coriander Leaf, quite an elegant place. I could not get to drink since my family was with me. Had to make do with simply staring at Jack Daniel bottles, though last year when I visited with my friends & got sloshed, the bill was a bit of an embarrassment with a five figure amount for four people eating, nay mostly drinking. Islamibadi machhi was delicious, with not too much oil. Try it out the next time you visit them.

The good, the bad & the ugly : Story of my life

I have my Icebreaker coming up at Toastmasters next Sunday & have to prepare a discourse for it, describing myself. Have thought about telling my life & its different milestones, with its good, bad & ugly aspects covered.

I begin with my birth, which had nothing bad about it, good being that I was introduced to this world & ugly being that I do not remember anything about it. My childhood had chocolates as good part, denied more chocolates as bad & brushing twice was ugly. I boarded my first airflight then, being with the Air Hostess was good (it still is); shaking while landing was bad & spilling sauce all over was ugly. My teenage had my first crush as good, nothing really bad while neither being a kid or really grown up was ugly. My first crush - everything about her was good (she resembled Divya Bharti); bad was it was good only till it lasted & ugly part was that she was already taken. Similarly my high school had me being School Vice Captain as good; studying maths as bad & first fight as ugly. My first fight had me feeling like a man as good; getting thrashed as bad & thrashed again at home as ugly.

I have proceeded to describe my exams, college & hostel life with its share of good, bad & ugly. College had freedom as good part, frequent heartbreaks as bad & getting badly ragged as ugly. There was nothing good about exams, studying late hours was bad & results was the ugly aspect. My first heartbreak had me not losing hope as good, while frequent repeatation of heartbreaks was the ugly part.

Some other random aspects of my young life are also covered. Speaking to Malaika Arora on MTV Loveline was fun ; listening to her sexy voice was good, my girlfriend listening in & getting offended was bad & my parents hearing it later on MTV was ugly. Having my first drink was Wow!, everything good, especially the kick; nothing bad & hangover as ugly. Learning driving had me getting a valid license as good, accident with a broken bone as bad & booked by police for speeding as ugly. Watching a cricket game at Delhi's Kotla was not really exciting, seeing Sachin was good; that person not actually being Sachin was bad & getting repeatedly hit by bottles on head in the open stands was ugly.

Lat leg covers my worklife. My first job gave me my first salary as good, getting a stinky boss as bad & 3 Ps- presentations, projects & pressure as ugly. Being an HR professional was interesting - having lots of female colleagues was good, low salary was (& is) bad & telling others you actually are in HR was ugly. Similarly attending office parties had free unlimited Bacardi as good, not knowing dancing well as bad & attending office next day with bacardi in your mind & spirit as ugly.

Not sure how interesting or catchy this may sound to the audience. Seems we all are unique but also similar; same color but different shades.

New Year.......old story

A New Year begins today, don’t know how different this will be from previous ones. It is often believed what you do today, occurs for the rest of the year. For one it was a holiday today, so it will be good if my workplace gives frequent holidays this year! I had been to a Mall during morning (what else to do in this city), had good lunch & a good look around. I had my usual stop at the book shop, read a short story by Jhumpa Lahiri before picking a collection of Sunday morning editorials by Buchi Karkaria (name is something like that) which had a foreword by Amitabh. Didn’t know AB writes so well.

Last evening was spent at home surfing porn on the net. I didn’t go out, besides I didn’t have any major invites, even if I did would have been only to get sloshed. I was wondering how many times we have, or rather I have, celebrated New year eve outside with friends since landing in this impersonal Delhi or its more glamorous cousin Gurgaon. In my childhood days living in a small town, it was much warmer with all those close being around.

Have not made any New Year resolutions, nor have any new New Year wishes. Perhaps I will again be a mute spectator watching this year go by, as have done its many predecessors. I saw a horoscope feature this morning on TV, which says things may change for better for people having my constellation by September. All I can think of now is Come September.